I have a confession. The post from yesterday, the one where you submitted all those words? That was a secret contest. Everyone who entered a comment essentially participated, and one of you was the winner!
See, I never really check my site statistics. I’m not saying that in a douchey way that’s like, “I know the entire internet reads my site every day, and whatever.” I’m saying it more like, “I know people read because people comment. I could not care less how many people viewed my site between 2pm and 5am.” But then that made me think, “How many comments are there?” So I checked, and it turns out that it was almost 10,000. Ten thousand. I couldn’t believe it.
So I thought, “I should give something away to my 10,000 commenter,” and I know you guys always throw your two cents in whenever I ask for stuff that creates comments, so you did, and so I got a 10,000th commenter.
But then I found out that technically all the spam I get also counts as comments, so I’m actually somewhere closer to 9,240 “real” comments. Oh well, whatever. I already had the secret contest that you participated in without giving your consent, so we’re going to stick with the somewhat fudgeable 10,000th commenter. Are you pissed? You shouldn’t be. If I were you I’d wait to be pissed until after you find out I’ve sold your email addresses to spammers.
Anyway, the prize this time around was something besides the Berger Cookies I normally send out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still sending the cookies. Of course I am. But I’m also sending a copy of the new book “Driving Sideways” by Jess Riley. I’ve been eagerly awaiting this book’s release since I first started reading Jess’s blog, and now it’ll be out in 6 days. Jess was kind enough to send me a copy to give out to one of you folks, so that’s what I’m doing. You get a book from an hilarious blogger AND cookies to boot!
So, do me a favor and check out Jess’s book, and maybe pick up a copy or seven for the summer. It’s a great beach book. Or if you go to the mountains or something, it’s great to read there. Or just out on the porch. Or inside on the couch. Or in bed. You can probably read it everywhere. In fact, you should read it everywhere. And when you’re done reading it, throw it away and buy and new copy, just to be on the safe side.
What? Oh, you want to know who won the contest? Oh, sorry. It was Your Neighborhood Librarian. I’ll send it, and the cookies, along once it arrives at my house.
Douchometer.
Dude! I won something! And… it’s… a… BOOK! A book? Like one of the 173,000 books I work with?
Next you’ll have to send Mrs. ACW over to teach me to read.
I must have those cookies again! How about when I finally get around to sending you the Heroes DVD, you send me some cookies in return?
S. Reed- Wow. I had completely forgotten about those DVDs. Yeah, it’s a deal. We’ll call it a trade.
Can I get the cliffnotes version?
I read your blog, like, everyday. Except, for some reason, the last few days. If I wasn’t so involved in my own life, I would have left a word.
In Wordpress, if you’re using the in-build Akismet (or is it Askimet) anti-comment-spam plugin, you can “dump” all the spammity comments in one go, and then your Dashboard should show your number of “for real though” comments when you go back there from your admin console.
I’ll probably buy that book just for the title.
Of course, I say that, and then go look what *my* “real” number is, and can’t find it, so… so never mind then.
*cough*
Hey ACW, thanks so much for the plug…books are on the way!
(Also, Gecko? Thank you! It wasn’t the original title–so I’m glad you like it!)
Congratulations, Jess! Because of ACW, I learned of your book earlier today. I read about it on Amazon (as per his instructions), and I can’t wait to pick up a copy. It sounds very original and highly entertaining, and for those reasons, I’m going to become one your readers. The renal problems make me wonder what kind of ending is in store for the reader, so I’m pretty much locked into discovering how it turns out.
I must warn you though, I’m right in the middle of Blood Meridian, and McCarthy is kind of kicking my ass right now. My brother had to read it in college, he’s been bugging me, and ACW finally motivated me to read it. So I might be busy for at least a little while. After BM, though, the first thing I’m going to read is Driving Sideways!
Stephanie- No worries. I can tell from your blog that you’re clearly overwhelmed right now.
Gecko- Heh. Yeah, wordpress is great at some things, but at others, it seems to be lacking that level of polish that would make it perfect.
Jess- My pleasure. I hope you’ll remember me when you’re a bazillionaire.
ThreadedClown- Blood Meridian really does put you through the wringer. It physically wore me out to read it. I couldn’t get through more than a chapter at a time. I’m sure Driving Sideways will be quite a departure.