Hey did you see the head Italian child-raper was in DC yesterday? Yeah, it was totally awesome how all of his douchebag followers filled the city with their idiocy on the same day I had to drive to a meeting in Alexandria.
Actually, it was partially my fault. I should have given a wide berth to all the cars I saw that had bumper stickers that said, “God is my copilot” or “God is my pilot” or “Apparently God is a fucking douchebag of a driver and I’m a lobotomized asshole who will do anything a highly edited and poorly translated book of fairy tales tells me to do because I clearly have no idea how to fucking operate an automobile and neither does my pie-in-the-sky deity-of-choice”.
I really should have avoided every one of those goddamned be-Jesus-fished hate-moblies because the little magnetic fish pretty much acted as a warning sign for “watch out because I’m merging without signaling or checking my rear view” or “Der, what’s a steering wheel? Why isn’t Jeebus driving for me? I’m hungry. I need a new diaper. I wish I was watching Steve Wilkos right now.” or “I’m driving 5 miles per hour on the highway because I’m a fucking douchebag cocksmoker child-rapist-forgiving shitfuck dick-spinning turd-swallower and traffic scares me”.
So yeah, if you couldn’t tell by my tone, it was pretty much 40 miles of concentrated awesomeness on the way to DC. I finally got to my meeting, 30 minutes late because of those holy-roller nipple-twisters, and then later on the day looked like it might even be salvageable as the temperature increased to mild summer temperature ranges.
And when we jumped on 395 to head home we weren’t faced with nearly the volume of purified idiotic assholery that we had to steer through on our way down…
because they were all waiting for us on 295 north.
I swear, my next car is going to be a tank with a giant drill on the front so I can bore my way over or through those malevolent fuckwads who think it’s just fucking SUPER to get on the road during rush hour so they can see their high-grand-eagle do a cross burning at the local stadium, and my fucking death car of Righteous Fucking Justice Dispatched DailyTM will have an articulated arm with a branding iron on the end of it so I can stamp all the cheese-dicks in the middle of their fucking foreheads with the words “I’m a shitty fucking douchebag numbnuts dumbfuck of a driver and you should punch me in the nuts or ovaries right fucking now because I deserve it for being a fucking asshole and you should sterilize me too,” and I’ll have a quadraphonic sound system mounted on the roof constantly repeating “You are a shitty driver. Kill yourself” and I’ll be able to focus that shit at those fucks and turn the fucker all the way to 11 and watch the blood trickle out of their ears as for ONCE I am able to make my way down the road unimpeded.
Just so you know, 295 wasn’t a clusterfuck just especially for you. I’ve been driving near the 495/295 interchange a lot more lately as I work in southern MD more often, and I never take 295. Ever. It’s always awful. On the other hand, just taking 95 straight up is typically a breeze, until you get to that spot near 175 where there’s one of those digital highway signs and all of the goddamn fuckwits stop to look at it as they’re DRIVING ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY.
That is precisely why I DID NOT GO INTO DC YESTERDAY! It was wayyy too Pontifferific!
I was off yesterday, and I had the joy of watching the morning shows which were all Pope Emperor Palpatine all the time, and they interviewed random idiot adherents who wasted their day trying to get a glimpse of some rich old German bastard clogging traffic as he was magically transported in his bulletproof SUV-bortion, and one of them was an 8- or 9-year-old girl who said, “It was, like, heavenly? It was as if he was gliding down the road on a cloud…”
If they can find that polygamy with 12-year-olds is child abuse, I don’t see why they can’t find that indoctrinating children so that they are permanently stupid is as well.
WHY DOES THE POPE NEED A FUCKING BULLETPROOF CAR??? WHY IS HE AFRAID OF DEATH??? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CLOUD HAS A MERCEDES EMBLEM ON IT, YOU BRAINWASHED LITTLE MOPPET???
I too, tired of Your Pope, Your Pope All the Time on network TV. I was hoping for an apocalypse of some kind (besides the one on the Interstates) in hopes of seeing the pope person and his minions jump into action and save mankind.
Other than the earthquake in the midwest, my hopes were dashed.
“Apparently God is a fucking douchebag of a driver and I’m a lobotomized asshole who will do anything a highly edited and poorly translated book of fairy tales tells me to do because I clearly have no idea how to fucking operate an automobile and neither does my pie-in-the-sky deity-of-choice”.
Were they all driving Hummers to fit that bumber sticker on?
http://news.bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view...
Pope Benedict XVI met privately today with Boston victims of clergy sex abuse, a session long in coming for those abused.
Met privately? Isn’t that what started the whole problem in the first place???
Darth- I can just imagine it: “Say 10 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers and we’ll forgive you for making the church look bad.”
ACW!!!!BWAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHA—SO TRUE! SO TRUE!
My drive back from McLean only took an hour or so, only 15 minutes longer than usual. That’s including 26 miles around the top end of 495 and a nice stint on 295. Didn’t the Pope depart the area Wednesday evening; the pictures of his visit were in Thursday’s paper.
I’m going to hazard a guess here and wager that you are a product of Catholic education.
Do you know what I was thinking when I was at the church with my aunts to make arrangements for my grandfather? I was like, I wonder if these guys molest boys. I wonder if there have been boy-molesters going through this church. Yeah. Instead of remembering my grandfather, I was looking at the priest with untrusting eyes.
The whole English Reformation thing means we are largely spared this sort of nonsense: 1531 and 1982 were the last times, so we’re hopefully not due another Popemobile visit until around 2400.
//head Italian child-raper //
I think you mean “Nazi Pope.”
:)
god bless.
As if the teevee weren’t enough, the snooty ol’ NYT at one stage had as it’s most mailed story something about the awesomeness of ‘the pope likes kittens’! Well, great.
It blows my mind that every mention of him isn’t prefaced by ‘former nazi’, like ‘hapless’ and Mets in the sports pages of my youth. Requirements to be pope: have penis, catholic. You really would think the bar could be raised to ‘never participated in genocide.’
Tell us how you really feel…