People have asked me how I come up with saying things like describing a person as a, “cock-noshing shitburger face-fucking a greasy fast-food sandwich”, and usually I just say, “I don’t know. I guess I just try to find a way to be obscene that I haven’t used before.” But really, there’s more to it than that. In the fall of last year a guy contacted me about an issue I was having with the archives, and in the ensuing conversation he told me he was blind and that a “male monotone computer voice” reads my posts for him. From that point on I’ve imagined what my words would sound like if they were being read by Stephen Hawking, and for some reason, that makes it even easier to be more obscene.
If you have a Mac, you probably already know how to make your computer talk, so I won’t elaborate there. But if you don’t know, or if you’re too lazy to find out, or if you’re using a Windows machine, or if you want to hear a computer say bad words, you can use this site.
I’ve prepared some phrases for you:
effluvium-snorting cock-holes
testicle-cradling panty-twisters
A two-hour toddler cock-knocking for them all!
fart-huffing butthole-stuffing troglodytes
nut-juggling cock-monger
poop
cock-snorting shit-bather
At worst I’ll make a cheek-clenching dash to the bathroom before spray-painting one of the toilets with used chili
unsanctioned cock-fight (not the kind with chickens)
middle-aged, cock-obsessed, leather freak
my ass becomes an uncontrollable anti-aircraft cannon of sound-barrier destroying feces
fueling an airborne shit-factory that will rain down upon the beach a globby, beige salvo of runny poo
If snow terrifies you so much, don’t get on the roads, you horrible fucking shit-juggling asshole
**laughing to tears and seriously peeing my pants- shit you not**
OMFGBBQ!!1!1 Spank you for the sppech link. Hilfuckinglarious!
*speech
Did the guy say whether or not the posts still sound as funny as they are?
It’s like getting External Auditory Meatus-Fu*ked by my Speak & Spell. A young adulthood memory once thought to be suppressed.
I think you might make it on my quote board.
You are sincerely awesome.
You know this is only going to enhance my “Internet research”, right? I pray to Jeebus that AT&T doesn’t keep logs of what people type into that text box. Otherwise my next bill might equate to blackmail.
Bravo sir, bravo!!
My chin hit the keyboard, quivered and then I did that whole body shaky laugh where no sound comes out and I had to hit myself on the back to start breathing again…
as I said, Bravo.
Testing only the first item on your list, I like US Mike the best. UK Charles was entertaining, and the Indian Anjali was very disappointing.