Archive for February, 2008
Oh man does it feel good to be back in my office. I underestimated how much of a creature of habit I am. The thing I missed most was listening to music while I worked. Sure, iTunes is a horrible piece of inflexible bloatware, but it’s nice to have a constant shuffle of music going all day long. Not having that sucked.
The other thing that really surprised me was how inefficient I was. Most days I can complete the totality of my daily work in an hour or two, and then handle any meetings, appointments, emails, and phone calls as they come along. I essentially spend my time on the internet waiting for work to appear before me. Then I complete that work in a few moments and go back to waiting. But yesterday I was hogtied by a laptop with no mouse and no access to a printer. Just those two things made it impossible for me to get things done quickly, never mind having to use Safari rather than Firefox, and my office’s webmail rather than Thunderbird. Egad it was like working in an office in 1998. It took me about 10 times as long to do anything. I guess it was okay though, because I was sharing my boss’ office all day long, and that probably reinforced the idea that I don’t just sit around all day, but am actually working on things.
Anyway, you probably don’t want to hear about any of that, which is why I put it first, so you would be forced to read it.
… um. And there’s nothing else. Yeah, life is boring right now. I’ll let you know if anything comes up.
I was GOING to write a post about the superbowl (a terrible game with 2 exciting drives bookended by boring, unfunny commercials) but the internet has provided the bounty, once again.
Here is the comment I got on Saturday from Man Enough to have fun at any club:
WOW,
This has nothing to do with you current post but one that had popped up from a few years ago about your experience at Baja Beach Club. Wow…………..you are a BITCH, lol. Most “real men” can handle themselves in a club full of screaming horny women but this seems not to be the case for you. As far as a tip goes, when you buy a bottles beer for 25 cents you fucking tip asshole. I don’t care if that beer came staright out of your boyfriends asshole it’s 25 cents for God’s sake, you tip. I have ran club after club after club and there are always wallflower, no game, losers like yourself who get bent when they get blownoff for being the cheapskate piece of shit that you are. It’s ok though, after reading your comments and opinions about Baja of Baltimore your scene would be best suited to the library you waste of space faggot, stay the fuck out of a crazy, exciting club where everyone but you has a great time. The funny thing is I was probably there that night and fucked both of the girls you came with, and they probably paid me to do it causing your little tantrem, that happens alot. Have a great day and enjoy the Science Center faggot. :) Next time bring monery when you go into any club and rememeber 25 cents bottles equal a tip…..reguardless of the service!!!!!!! now FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!
Did you read it all? If you didn’t, I suggest you go back and really soak in the idiocy of it all. Judging from the complete lack of spelling ability, poor grammar use, extremely low reading comprehension, child-like logic, and general dumbfuckery, I’d say we have a comment from your average, run of the mill club-rat: the poster-child for eugenics. For purposes of visualization, this is who I’m picturing:
I’m not even sure where to start with this one, so I guess I’ll start at the beginning.
Dear Idiot,
Were you able to count higher than 4, I might begin to compare your lack of intelligence to that of a bag of hammers, or a bucket of rocks, but because you’re a mouth-breathing semi-functional illiterate, I’ll try to use as few words as possible, and make those words small ones whenever I can. Do you have your dictionary ready, or maybe a friend who passed the third grade? Great. Here we go.
If you had any reading comprehension skills whatsoever (and no, having your mommy read you the jokes in Maxim doesn’t count) you would have read that I was going to tip FOUR TIMES (sorry, I guess you’ll need a calculator too) the amount the bartender expected to be tipped, but because the bartender was a whiny little crybaby, I decided not to tip him at all. I figured the less money he had to spend on Drakkar Noir, the better. Somehow, though, you missed that part of my post, and I can only assume it’s because you could only understand one out of every 18 words that I typed. Don’t beat yourself up over it, though, lots of people have trouble reading. However, it would probably be in your best interest to stopping drinking gallon upon gallon of lead paint. Despite what you and your friends tell yourselves, it’s not making you smarter.
Now, on to the other issues to which you alluded. You appear to have quite a bit of aggression towards gay people. I’m not sure where this stems from, since I don’t know you, but I think it might be good for you to look up a term called, “projection”. Basically it means that you see something in other people that you don’t want to acknowledge in yourself. For example, you suggested I was gay about a half-dozen times, but I can see that you looked at the “About” section of my blog, and thus know that I’m happily married to a woman. But I have a surprise for you! You were able to see through the facade and find out that, yes, I’m really gay. I love having sex with men. In fact, I was just banging your dad, and he was really enjoying himself as well. Your mom was video-taping the whole thing, so you can borrow the tape from her if you want to check it out.
Also, it seems like you hate intelligence. This isn’t just something that I picked up from the barely legible missive you left in my comments, but also because you denigrated the Science Center and the library. Are you really so simple that intelligence is an affront to you? Your life must be incredibly difficult, not being able to figure out why it takes you so long to put your diaper on every morning.
Finally, no, you didn’t have sex with the two women I came in with. In fact, I’d say you probably never have sex with anyone. You go to a shitty club, swill shitty beer for a few hours, grind your way through the Baja Beach Club nightly sausage-party, ogle the few slutty white-trash trailer-bunnies that do show up, go home with an empty wallet and a tiny little erection, and masturbate furiously to scrambled porn in your parent’s basement. Doesn’t it make you even a little bit sad that your life peaked in high school, you prickless manchild?
I hope you continue to waste your money, life, and time at the Baja Beach Club, because the odds are in my favor that you’ll eventually contract Hepatitis C and die. In fact, I’d be surprised if you weren’t already riddled with a cocktail of chlamydia, herpes, and genital warts from rubbing your laughably small penis all over the other troglodytes in that den of idiocy.
Please sterilize yourself,
ACW
P.S. Here are the words you misspelled, now spelled correctly:
tantrum
blown off
straight
a lot
money
remember
regardless
You should probably write these down for the next time you try to make fun of somebody but instead end up looking like a moron.
I wasn’t really sure what I was going to post about this morning, but lucky for me, the craziness once again provided itself. Opening my work email, I find this gleaming monument to the pinnacle of cukoo-bananas reasoning (It’s long, so I cut out the least crazy stuff):
The United States Congress is the most powerful governing body in the world and much of what they do is all done in secret. The Congress has more power than the President and most people don’t realize how much the Congress is involved in their personal private lives.
Okay, I have to admit that this is just the standard version of crazy so far. Nothing to really get worked up about. I have uncles that probably believe this blase conspiracy-nonsense tripe. “Much of what they do is done in secret,” though? I guess that’s news to CSPAN, CSPAN2, CSPAN3, and CSPAN4.
You may have heard of some of the many public Congressional Caucuses such as the Congressional Black Caucus and the National Women’s Political Caucus, but did you know that there are also many secret congressional caucuses. A Congressional caucus is a group of congressmen that meet to pursue common objectives. Some of the secret caucuses are homosexual caucus and the atheist caucus. They’re intent is to keep their true identity secret, not because it has anything to do with national security, but because the public would not accept what they are doing.
snip
Ah, here we go. Now we’re getting into the very special and very personal kind of crazy. Crazy over the gays and the atheists. Do me a favor and name the three atheist members of congress requisite to create the laughably small but technically accurate “Atheist Caucus”. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive
Then see the peace in every eye…
I don’t want to to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be…
Oh, you’re back. I imagine if you used the Almighty Goog you found Pete Stark and nobody else. A caucus one person does not make. The gay caucus, is of course, real.
How would you like it if the Congressional Homosexual Caucus was investigating and trying to influence your behavior or your children’s behavior? They and their staff members try to influence the News Media, the Entertainment Industry and the Advertisement Industry. Believe it or not, but they are deeply involved in trying to influence the personal private lives of Americans ANY WAY THAT THEY CAN.
snip
Yes. Influencing the lives of Americans is MUCH more important than taking money from toadying lobbyists and shoring up support for the next election. Every congressman prefers strutting around in god-denying hot pants to a fat wad of cash from developers who want to drill for oil in Mt. Rushmore.
The Congress has more power than the President does and part of its power is to conduction investigations on the many different issues concerning Americans.
snip
I think Mr. Tinfoilhat needs a lesson in checks, balances, and vetoes. Also, grammar and spelling.
But many congressmen abuse this power and they conduct their own investigations for their own personal interest. They investigate their personal enemies, personal friends, people they dislike, etc.
snip
Phew, that’s a relief. I was worried they’d investigate SOMEONE ELSE’S enemies and friends. Good thing it’s only personal enemies and friends.
If a Congressman wants to violate the civil liberties of someone by putting that person under a constant surveillance all he or she has to do is get the approval of the President which is easy for a Congressman. He or she just has to attach it to a bill that the President will sign. Congressmen add items to Bills all the time and because a Bill can be over a thousand pages such items can go unnoticed.
snip
Stupid Democrats! They could have impeached Bush YEARS ago by just tricking him into signing a bill where they had attached some impeachment paperwork. In fact, I think the Constitution says a post-it note with the words, “ur impeeched lulz” would have sufficed.
I will tell you who one such individual is. It’s Congressman John Spratt from South Carolina. He uses his power as a Congressman to investigate people he hates and people he would like to manipulate. As a Congressman he can find all about a persons finances by tracking credit card purchases and checking accounts. He can also track all Internet activity to that person’s residents and monitor phone conversations. With this information he can then determine someone’s behavioral patterns and then try to manipulate someone’s activities.
snip
I’m not sure what John Spratt did to this dude, but I already emailed his staff with this letter, so we’ll see if I hear anything back from them about it. Also, I had no idea that congressmen were interested in finding out how many times I bought Cheetos from the 7-11. I guess it’s time to start paying for everything in gold bouillon. You know they have little cameras and micro transmitters in cash, right? RIGHT!?
By knowing all the personal details of someone he then tries to discredit them at their job and in their neighborhood. Only God has the right to meddle in our private lives, not the church nor the state.
snip
*head explodes*
Simply voting such people out of office is not sufficient punishment for these individuals. They must be held accountable for their evil deeds, but in many respects the Congress polices it’s self. Such evil people can not go unpunished.
snip
This is the part that really scared me about the email. Is it just me, or does it look like a veiled threat to anyone else? I’m sure the guy is harmless as long as his supply of Hot Pockets and his access to “Loose Change” on youtube never ends. Until then, I won’t hold my breath for you to find 2 more atheist congress members.
(Full text of the original email after the jump, if you’re interested)
Continue reading ‘The morning craziness’
