AnonymousCoworker

It has been brought to my attention (thanks yous two) that the filthtacular cesspit of crotch-rot and sex-as-self-abuse better known as Baja Beach Club is closing down!

The article mentions that the club owner hopes to go out in a “blaze of cheese” since Baja was known as one of the lamest and cheesiest bars around. I can only hope that the “blaze of cheese” actually results in the literal purification by fire of that entire polyp. It’s like a mole, but not just a regular mole, like a mole with a mole on top of it, and hair long enough that you could wrap it around your finger a few times. It’s a hideous disgusting place.

I also hope that whoever moves in there a) has had their shots, because I’m pretty sure that the toxic concentration of venereal disease that place cultured will survive long past the end of humanity, and b) I hope they have good security and insurance. You know some drunken knuckleheads are going to show up, night after night, pounding on the doors of whatever establishment that will occupy the place, wondering why Baja is closed at 8pm and why there are so many pictures of coffee in the window.

This is so awesome! It’s going to be like watching rats in an experiment. They’ve been rewarded with beer for dressing like greaseball mafioso wannabes for the past 16 years, and now suddenly, the Pavlovian reward will be cut off. Of course, because they’re idiots, they’ll continue to show up, hoping that as if by magic the doors will be flung open and they’ll be able to live as adolescents well into middle age. I am fucking GIDDY at the thought of it.

I also encourage you to read the comments on the Examiner page. Some are happy that the club is closing, and some are idiots, so it’s a pretty good balance. Not that the Examiner usually brings in top-notch commentary from the unwashed masses of the internet, but these comments are especially great. For example:

Now what’s the crowd from Dundalk, Essex and Glen Burnie supposed to do???

you can’t even get in there unless you present an ID with a Dundalk address….very exclusive.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that club was just a breeding ground for stupid people. Stupid people like this:

Thats sad….in the 2 years that i have been going there..i havent seen fights at baja like over at iguana…face it..there will be fights were there is alcohol…ill miss baja very much…go quarter beers!!!!!!!!!!!

From the shoddy grammar, atrocious spelling, and completely incomprehensible punctuation, I’m going to assume that superman_adonis@yahoo.com has reared his tiny, empty head again.

However, in all this, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little sad about the place closing. I would much rather Baja Beach Club manifested itself as filth incarnate so I could piss on the grave. Oh well, I guess you don’t win ‘em all.