I was GOING to write a post about the superbowl (a terrible game with 2 exciting drives bookended by boring, unfunny commercials) but the internet has provided the bounty, once again.
Here is the comment I got on Saturday from Man Enough to have fun at any club:
WOW,
This has nothing to do with you current post but one that had popped up from a few years ago about your experience at Baja Beach Club. Wow…………..you are a BITCH, lol. Most “real men” can handle themselves in a club full of screaming horny women but this seems not to be the case for you. As far as a tip goes, when you buy a bottles beer for 25 cents you fucking tip asshole. I don’t care if that beer came staright out of your boyfriends asshole it’s 25 cents for God’s sake, you tip. I have ran club after club after club and there are always wallflower, no game, losers like yourself who get bent when they get blownoff for being the cheapskate piece of shit that you are. It’s ok though, after reading your comments and opinions about Baja of Baltimore your scene would be best suited to the library you waste of space faggot, stay the fuck out of a crazy, exciting club where everyone but you has a great time. The funny thing is I was probably there that night and fucked both of the girls you came with, and they probably paid me to do it causing your little tantrem, that happens alot. Have a great day and enjoy the Science Center faggot. :) Next time bring monery when you go into any club and rememeber 25 cents bottles equal a tip…..reguardless of the service!!!!!!! now FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!
Did you read it all? If you didn’t, I suggest you go back and really soak in the idiocy of it all. Judging from the complete lack of spelling ability, poor grammar use, extremely low reading comprehension, child-like logic, and general dumbfuckery, I’d say we have a comment from your average, run of the mill club-rat: the poster-child for eugenics. For purposes of visualization, this is who I’m picturing:
I’m not even sure where to start with this one, so I guess I’ll start at the beginning.
Dear Idiot,
Were you able to count higher than 4, I might begin to compare your lack of intelligence to that of a bag of hammers, or a bucket of rocks, but because you’re a mouth-breathing semi-functional illiterate, I’ll try to use as few words as possible, and make those words small ones whenever I can. Do you have your dictionary ready, or maybe a friend who passed the third grade? Great. Here we go.
If you had any reading comprehension skills whatsoever (and no, having your mommy read you the jokes in Maxim doesn’t count) you would have read that I was going to tip FOUR TIMES (sorry, I guess you’ll need a calculator too) the amount the bartender expected to be tipped, but because the bartender was a whiny little crybaby, I decided not to tip him at all. I figured the less money he had to spend on Drakkar Noir, the better. Somehow, though, you missed that part of my post, and I can only assume it’s because you could only understand one out of every 18 words that I typed. Don’t beat yourself up over it, though, lots of people have trouble reading. However, it would probably be in your best interest to stopping drinking gallon upon gallon of lead paint. Despite what you and your friends tell yourselves, it’s not making you smarter.
Now, on to the other issues to which you alluded. You appear to have quite a bit of aggression towards gay people. I’m not sure where this stems from, since I don’t know you, but I think it might be good for you to look up a term called, “projection”. Basically it means that you see something in other people that you don’t want to acknowledge in yourself. For example, you suggested I was gay about a half-dozen times, but I can see that you looked at the “About” section of my blog, and thus know that I’m happily married to a woman. But I have a surprise for you! You were able to see through the facade and find out that, yes, I’m really gay. I love having sex with men. In fact, I was just banging your dad, and he was really enjoying himself as well. Your mom was video-taping the whole thing, so you can borrow the tape from her if you want to check it out.
Also, it seems like you hate intelligence. This isn’t just something that I picked up from the barely legible missive you left in my comments, but also because you denigrated the Science Center and the library. Are you really so simple that intelligence is an affront to you? Your life must be incredibly difficult, not being able to figure out why it takes you so long to put your diaper on every morning.
Finally, no, you didn’t have sex with the two women I came in with. In fact, I’d say you probably never have sex with anyone. You go to a shitty club, swill shitty beer for a few hours, grind your way through the Baja Beach Club nightly sausage-party, ogle the few slutty white-trash trailer-bunnies that do show up, go home with an empty wallet and a tiny little erection, and masturbate furiously to scrambled porn in your parent’s basement. Doesn’t it make you even a little bit sad that your life peaked in high school, you prickless manchild?
I hope you continue to waste your money, life, and time at the Baja Beach Club, because the odds are in my favor that you’ll eventually contract Hepatitis C and die. In fact, I’d be surprised if you weren’t already riddled with a cocktail of chlamydia, herpes, and genital warts from rubbing your laughably small penis all over the other troglodytes in that den of idiocy.
Please sterilize yourself,
ACW
P.S. Here are the words you misspelled, now spelled correctly:
tantrum
blown off
straight
a lot
money
remember
regardless
You should probably write these down for the next time you try to make fun of somebody but instead end up looking like a moron.
I’m particularly pleased that he finished his rambling, homophobic tirade with a demand that you “fuck off.” Presumably, he googled about, chose to read your website, employed said website to leave a public remark for you, and capped the entire exercise off by telling you to leave him alone.
It’s like the Crazy Cat Lady shows up at your front door, screams her gibberish at you, and then uses a slur to demand you stop bothering her, already.
See, this is why I love you. You take a meth-crazed fly-by commenter and write the longest post on the fucking planet about him.
I’m totally flying by and leaving a a stupid comment so you’ll write about me too. :D
Love the e-mail address, it’s kinda like having a Ferrari or bright red Porche, gotta compensate ya know?
On top of that he’s already got google results:
Google
What a mess o’ crazy!
How many self-tanned, spike-haired douche responses you think you’re gonna get on this post?
on the topic of projecting - you did mention that he must have a tiny pennis couple of time at least.
another thing - after your announcement about leaving ‘us’ pretty soon, i think there is a real good chance you liberate yourself from acw persona and start enjoying time spent on this blog more (then you have done recently)
I could not have said it any better myself. Anyone who frequents Baja is much closer on an evolutionary scale to Homo erectus than to Homo sapiens.
Of course, I think I just insulted Home erectus.
*Still Laughing*
Okay—I MUST tell my Baja beach Club story. It’s insane.
Long ago, during the single days, I had a friend that broke up with her long time Boyfriend and decided that she wanted to basically go hog wild. I poopooed the idea of Baja every single time she brought it up. Finally, I gave in–saying that I would visit just once.
We walked into the beer/Vomit/cigarette smelling joint and right before passing the very first bar—some guy grabbed my friend and said, “Hey, do you remember me? We talked a few weeks ago!” Stupidly, she fell for the line and ended up flirting with the ape man. I had to fend off the numerous advances of his rather annoying and pushy friend until I announced that I was leaving after last call. my friend decided that she didn’t want to go home with me, and since she had been doing shots with the ape man, she was a bit drunk. She protested and wanted to go to their place for an “after party” I was Not about to do this, except she was pretty wasted and I felt a sense of duty. I ended up sitting on the couch of some ape man’s house still trying to fend off the advances while waiting for my friend to get her rocks off. I was pissed. I hated her for wanting to go there, I hated the clientel of the bar, I hated having to babysit a drunk chick. It was simply awful. Needless to say, I equate Baja with this experience. I’ve never returned.
Oh…the friend? we are no longer friends.
In case you were wondering:
http://profiles.yahoo.com/superman_adonis
Perhaps the Icy Hot Stuntazz provide another good glimpse at what kind of person this is?
acw you make me lolz like lou rawls
mokie- I just ignored that. One exclamation point means “exclamation” two mean “I don’t know how grammar works” three or more mean “I’m a fucking idiot and whatever proceeded these marks should be roundly ignored”.
Poppy- You’d have to leave something far off the deep end for me to go after you like this. Your politeness is your downfall. ;)
DJ- I absolutely think compensation is the key for EVERYONE at Baja. Why else would you go there? Also, bow to the mighty Goog.
Margo- Apparently not as many as I hoped, but then again, I’m surprised the first one knew how to type, much less use the internet.
Massive- I think the ratio of tiny penis comments (2) to gay slurs (5) speaks for itself. Also, I think it would be difficult to blog as ACW and then also mingle online as my real self.
JJT- Heh!
Lori- But you eventually went back right? To meet guys like Superdouche Madonna?
Mike- That. Is. Hilarious.
Mokie- It appears your link is borked.
j$- I’s does whats I’s cans.
do they have oompaloompas in baltimore?
that’s what you have in that picture, right?
I HATE mean internet trollers. They serve no real purpose in life.
Perfect response.
You rock my world, ACW.
This is odd:
http://twitter.com/superman_adonis
I agree with Mokie (for a change).
And yet, I’m a bit sad. Sad that you wasted that much energy on some (obviously) baked douchebag who went off in your comments. And here I am, doing the same thing, adding to the needless attention he is getting.
*sigh*
(how do you think HE feels about necrophelia legislation?)
p.s. you forgot to correct “I have ran club after club” (to “I have run club after club”). Of course the rest read like Shakespeare.
Kendra- We have a few of them, but not as many as in North Jersey.
Stephanie- Au contraire, they provide fodder for hilarity.
Trinity- Thanks!
Lulu- Hey, it’s all in the fingers… that’s how I type.
Zenchick- Wasted that much energy? Are you kidding? I enjoyed this. I’ve been waiting for two long years to get hate mail for that post, and one of the denizens of that pit of despair finally surfaced long enough for me to give them what-for. That energy wasn’t wasted.
Anonymous- Yeah, I let that one go because I figured he’d have trouble understanding what the problem was.
Sounds like a shit bar. Got great reviews on Yelp;) Or … not so much.
Yay, Icy Hot Stuntaz reference!
The Super Bowl was terrible?
Think I smell a Pats fan.
BTW - I hate both teams but thought it was an exciting, well-played game.
Rock On,
Aitch
twg- It’s a rite of passage bar for teenagers. Once they realize it’s shit, they usually leave. I guess Mr. Man never left.
jwer- There is nothing new on the internet.
Harris- The last two drives were great, and I guess the first drive was okay, but for the most part the game was really boring. I’m neither a Pats fan, nor a Giants fan.
Heheheh, “projection” 8-) The homophobic kid is so stupid, good show.
Oh My God! Jim? Is that Jim from my high school? It so has to be him. Clutching his groin and trying to be a cross between Saturday night Fever and Grease John Travolta….
Glad to see he made good with his life. Troll seems to be a well paying job these days, considering their prevalence.
And your response ACW, absolutely brilliant. Can you write a note to my freak show neighbour?
ROTFLMFAO!!!
So, yeah, and don’t forget “when you buy a bottles beer for 25 cents…” What a maroon!
ACW, youz the shizzle fo’ rizzle!
“…a cocktail of chlamydia, herpes, and genital warts…”
You forgot scabies. I’m sure it was just an oversight though. I mean, everyone knows scabies thrive in an acid-washed denim environment, right?
“masturbate furiously to scrambled porn in your parent’s basement”
Ahh, memories.
Saw this article this morning and thought it was an amusing footnote to this:
Baja Beach Club to Close Its Doors