UPDATE: It’s pretty good. Sort of the same as regular eggnog, but a little bit more like… uh… candy? I’m not sure how to describe it. When you drink it, it tastes more like a dessert than other nogs do. If you’re turned off by sweeter nogs, you’ll probably hate it. If you wish your eggnog tasted more like melted eggnog ice cream, this is a pretty close approximation.
Wednesday, or Thursday maybe, or possibly Friday or Saturday, Mrs. ACW and I went to the store to pick up some essentials for the upcoming holiday weekend. If you know me at all, you’ll know that “essentials” means bacon and eggnog. We bought some other crap too, like cat food and chips and nacho cheese, but the trip was pretty much all about the bacon and eggnog.
You may not have noticed, but I like to try as many eggnog products as I can get my hands on, and last week was no exception. In the dairy case with other eggnogs that I’ve had a million times before was a new brand that I’d never before seen.
“Axlerod eggnong?” Mrs. ACW said dubiously as I plunked the carton into the shopping cart.
“Yeah. From the makers of yogurt and sour cream*, so you KNOW it’s going to be delicious.”
Mrs. ACW didn’t argue, she just shook her head and kept pushing the cart, and 6 pounds of bacon later we eventually found our way to the self-checkout. We typically opt for the self-checkout because a) we’re not idiots and the only problems we’ve ever had with the machines have been store related, and b) why interact with another human when you have the opportunity not to? I scanned through all the items while Mrs. ACW bagged, but when I got to the eggnog the machine balked and made irritated noises, then the light above the machine started flashing, signaling that I had broken the poor robot.
We weren’t in a hurry, but we weren’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of hanging out in the store for 10 minutes while some employee pulled their head out of their ass long enough to come over and reset the machine, so I set the nog aside and scanned the rest of our stuff, paid for it, and prepared to return the nog to the dairy case. It was unfortunately at that moment that an employee finally lumbered over to see what the problem was.
“What’s the problem?”
“This eggnog won’t scan, but it’s fine. I’m going to put it back.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sure what? I’m putting the eggnog back.”
“Are you sure you don’t want it?”
“Yeah. I already paid for everything else.”
“I can ring you up at the cashier station if you’d like.”
“Really, it’s okay. I’m putting the eggnog back.”
“Are you sure? It’s no trouble.”
And on and on ad nauseum. She was the most infuriatingly helpful person I’ve ever encountered at that store, and it took me by complete surprise. It turns out that some dunderhead had put the nog out before it had even been entered into their system, so she said she’d sell it to me for 2 bucks, which is a pretty good deal considering that the shittiest, month-old donkey-nog is typically at least $2.50.
By the time we got home I was so confused about the whole experience that I put the nog in the back of the fridge and forgot about it until now. When I taste it, I’ll be sure to let you know if it’s got chunks of cottage cheese floating in it.
*Just in case you don’t click that link, you should know that Axelrod doesn’t even list eggnog as one of its products, so I either have a counterfeit nog that will strike me blind, or they’re so embarrassed by their nog that they don’t like to advertise that they even make it. Both prospects make me very leery.
I got some Colonial Custard last night while shopping… My first experience with it, although I’m sure you’re familiar. It tastes like a delicious bowl of ice cream that someone has stirred to melt and poured into my glass. I also overheard someone in front of the nog display saying that canned nog was the only way to go and all other nogs pale in comparison. I beg to differ.
Don’t die for your love of nog, please. When I finally do get to MD I still wanna visit you and the Mrs.
http://compulsivec.wordpress.com/2006/11/22/oregon-chai...
It’s in our store here - let me know if you want me to send some.
it’s the red-headed stepchild nog.
either you’ll give it the affection it sorely deserves, or you’ll discover why its parents hate it so.
Go to the liquor store and get some Pomche Caribe.
It’s kind of a cross between Nog and Baileys.
Also, it’s got a UPC code assigned to Crowley that owns Axelrod, so it’s a real product, not a counterfeit.
0071700168420 CROWLEY FOODS, LLC 0032Z AXELROD EGG NOG NONFAT
0071700168413 CROWLEY FOODS, LLC 32.0Z CROWLEY NON FAT EGG NOG
0071700167614 CROWLEY FOODS, LLC 16 oz CROWLEY HOMO PINT
0071700166426 CROWLEY FOODS, LLC 32 0Z AXEL ROD EGG NOG
I’m not sure what the HOMO PINT is. Homogenized nog? Cream? Milk? Babies?
Cindy- Cannog is the devil’s underpants, and Colonial Custard is the only thing that can stop it.
Poppy- If I die, I swear you’ll be the first to know.
Bliss- If you felt like sending some, I’d be happy to have it.
Kendra- Ha!
Alan- I’ll keep my eyes open for it, but liquor stores around me are kind of limited, so we’ll see. Also, WTF? How’d you find all that info? I guess you probably just googled Axelrod Eggnog.
ACW,
I work for a company that makes industrial handheld devices. I wrote an App so my kid can scan stuff and it says what he just scanned. I.e., “Can of Soup!”, “Carrots!”, “Soda!”.
I modified it this morning so that every once in a while, it says, “Big jar of poopy!” when he scans something. He thinks this is hilarious! I have to admit, it makes me chuckle.
The App uses a UPC database that I downloaded from the web. That’s where I got the Axelrod Nog UPCs from.
Alan- I’m mostly amused, but also a little scared. But mostly amused.
Take heart, oh ACW! It can’t be this bad, now can it? Well, not unless you send it for soapmaking or leave it where it is til New Years’.
if you are blinded, I will help you across the street. If there is Miller Lite there.
I hope I wouldn’t be the first. At least let Mrs. ACW know first.
ACW - Have you heard of Crystal Egg Nog? It’s a local dairy here in California, but it is the most wonderful, orgasm-inducing nog in the world! Creamy, sweet with a bit of spice… I’m drooling just thinking about it. If I could figure a way to ship it to you, I would. Can you dry-ice package nog without compromising its nog-integrity?