After a flood of comments of people asking me to talk about staining my deck I had something of an epiphany: you people are losers. Really? You want to hear about the tedious and tiresome process of me staining my deck over the period of 3 weekends? Wow. What a bunch of fucking nerds. I tell you what, come out to the happy hour on November 2 and I’ll tell you all about the deck. I’ll drone on and on, ad nauseum, much like I do on this here blog except it’ll be “real life” and therefore “just as boring”.
Anyway, I suddenly have a story about the shitty starter on my shitty Tercel going to shit. (I swear, I’m like a walking thesaurus.)
Last weekend my Tercel was having some trouble getting started, so after an entire afternoon wasted trying to find a copy of a Chilton’s guide for a 96 Tercel (surprise! It doesn’t exist!) and finding a retailer that carries a replacement starter for a 96 Tercel that doesn’t cost a hojillion dollars, I decided that I’d just let the car sit in the driveway until I figured out exactly what I needed to do to fix the car quickly and painlessly. So I borrowed my parent’s old, beat-up, never-gets-driven pickup truck to use in the meantime.
I drove the truck back down to my house and parked it in one of the spots in the nearby apartment complex. Now, I must admit that I have a rather ample driveway, but I didn’t want to park the truck in it because whereas 2 cars are comfortable, 3 cars are a pain in the fucking ass. Plus I went out of my way to park the truck in a spot that’s furthest away from any of the buildings, and in a spot that almost never has a car in it, and at the end of a row of 45 other empty parking spaces that are closer to the building. The truck sat in that spot for a whole day and the closest car that parked to it was 4 spots away.
I walk outside yesterday and see my (drunken, shirtless) neighbor talking to a guy as they’re peering inside of my truck. The guy leaves and goes inside the apartment complex, and my neighbor starts wobbling back to his door.
“Hey, is there something wrong with that truck?” I call out. The neighbor wobbles over to me and goes on at length about how a) the truck doesn’t have a parking pass for the apartment complex, b) the guy he was talking to lives in the complex and though he’s nice he wouldn’t trust the guy as far as he could throw him, and he’ll probably call the rental office about having the truck towed, c) that’s why people always park in front of our house, because they’re shacking up with someone in the apartments, and d) they’ll probably tow the truck.
I explain that it’s my truck and he says b, a, d, c. So I say that I’ll move the truck and he says d, b, c, a. I say, “Okay, I should probably move the truck then.” He says, c, d, a, b. This went on for about 15 minutes, and this is why I don’t exactly relish speaking with my neighbor. The repetitive feedback loop of information really wears on my already tenuous grip of sanity.
I was finally able to get my truck moved and figured the whole thing was over until about 30 minutes later when a tow truck came rumbling down our street. He did a lap of the apartment complex and not finding a red truck moved on… until he spied it in my driveway.
I could see from the window that his tiny squirrel-powered brain was churning away, trying to come up with a suitable reason for trespassing in order to tow the truck, and after the smoke poured out of his ears I guess he decided to move on. Or maybe his brain told him, “Need eat. Then poopy.”
But at least I learned something from the apartment-douchebag: territorial suburban pissing contests aren’t just for homeowners anymore.
Ugh. What is it they smoke, snort or inject over there? Here it’s Crystal Meth and it makes short work of their brain cells. Of course, when you’re not working and a drain on the economy, you might as well do something useful with your time. Like drugs. Or armed robbery. You know, the normal stuff.
Weird, there’s no Haynes manual, either… they just stop in 1994. I was all set to find one on Amazon, and then post a link and something clever like “CHILTON’S GUIDES ARE TEH SUCK!!!!” but nooooooo.
That dude needs to get a life. One truck in a low-demand spot for a whole day? Does he get a kickback for every illegally parked vehicle he reports? Maybe that’s how he makes the money he uses to buy his meth.
That was civil compared to city living. The complex next to mine has a “roaming tow” policy. If your car does not have the appropriate hang tag or sticker, the towing truck can tow it - no questions asked. And they roam constantly. It’s a minimum $250 to get your car back, and it’s cash only - no checks, no credit cards. Many parties on my street have ended badly with someone getting their car towed to a nasty lot in a bad part of town late at night.
Alternate title: Hey, I’ve got your deck staining story ohvuh heah!
ADW- Are you talking about my neighbor, the apartment douche, or the tow truck guy?
jwer- We checked everything. It’s as if the 96 Tercel never existed.
Cindy- That’s what pissed me off, I wasn’t bothering anybody.
Broadsheet- I can understand in the city where parking is at a premium, but not where I live.
Mokie- You can’t leave out the “crotch grab”!
The way that truck looks someone probably thought it was stolen/abandoned.
I was actually hoping for something on Dick Staining.
omg wtf lol
This is utterly bizarre, but if a Tercel is anything like the Mercury Lynx I drove in high school, a quick fix for a starter problem is to take a hammer (seriously) and lightly tap one of the pipe thingies underneath the front of the car (to loosen up the “brushes” my Dad said), then try to start the car again, repeating as needed.
Yeah, my senior year I was the varsity cheerleader who had a hammer in her back seat and was known to crawl onto the pavement in grocery and movie parking lots in order to get home for curfew. Thanks, Dad!
Yeah, works on the 86 CRX as well, at least for a while. I don’t think starter technology is radically different over that decade.
Desk Job- I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re probably right.
Gwen- I’m sorry, was this post not to your liking?
j$- Heh! I think you’re going to get tired of this before I am.
Nic- Yeah, we’re going to try to clean the starter before we replace it. But for now, I’m more apt to replace it than bang on it with a hammer.
Shelley- I don’t think it’s changed that much since they INVENTED them, but for some reason we can’t yet find it under the hood.
ACW - You really need to stop being so sensitive. Of course I liked the post. It was a lovely post. They’re all lovely posts. In fact, if I had them to give I’d give you a gold star.
I’m jealous because I can’t go to the happy hour to hear your boring story. *pout*
Try the auto repair db on your library’s website (it may be bcpl.info, it may be epfl.net). The 96 Tercel is in that db.
You will probably have to validate yourself with your liberry card #, so if you don’t have one, er, get one. Or ask your mom. Everybody’s mom has a library card.
If you need help navigating the site (snort) email me.