w0-motherfucking-0t! My promotion FINALLY came through and I got a 6.5% pay increase! That’s more than DOUBLE what I was expecting to get! So when my boss was like, “Does this look okay to you?” I was all like, “Fuck yes it’s okay! Do you know how many extra blow-jobs I can now buy with this kind of cheese? One! One extra blow-job! And a whole snow-drift of coke too!”
I know some of you are lawyers and doctors and assistant crack-whores, and a 6.5% increase isn’t very much to you, but to me it means that I don’t have to choose between eating and getting my diabetes medicine. Wait, no. That’s not right. 6.5% means that I don’t have to choose between super-sizing or not. I’m gonna super-size that bitch every TIME from now on. You KNOW I gots to get extra bacon in my milkshake, for reals.
Anyway, there is some weirdness to all this. First of all, it took them since April to process the paperwork for my promotion, so who knows how long it’s going to take them to get the extra cash into my check. On the upside though, it doesn’t really matter how long it takes them because they’ll be retro-ing the cash back to July 1, so for a couple of checks I should be making fat dough.
Well, I’m out. Finger Lakes all weekend, bitches. I’m going to try to get my BAC to 6.5% to celebrate, but you and me, we’re going to party when I get back, so start calling the stripper. I’m sure your mom’s not too busy.
