Last night Mrs. ACW and I went to go see the latest Harry Potter movie. I think it’s called “Harry Potter and the Poorly Paced Movie”, or maybe it was, “Harry Potter and the Movie Version of a Book that Left Out the Whole Book”, or “Harry Potter and the Boner Academy”. Did anybody else notice that Harry Potter was a stone cold PIMP in this movie? Cho is totally swinging from his nutsack (even though her dead boyfriend is hardly even cold and in the ground) and Ginny pretty much just wants to be Harry’s permanent “wand sheath” if you get my meaning, and I think you do, because I’m talking about Harry’s penis in Ginny’s vagina. Hell, even Hermione and Luna were boning him with their bedroom eyes.
If Harry weren’t so busy trying to defeat Voldemort he could probably have a whole stable of hoes. I bet he could get every girl at Hogwarts turning tricks in Hogsmeade before the end of the year, just because he’s Harry muhfuckin’ Potter.
But I digress. When we got there Mrs. ACW picked a row with seats directly in front of two little girls and I knew it would probably turn out poorly. Aside from kicking the back of our seats, the constant talking, kicking our seats, the giggling at inappropriate moments, kicking our seats, the loud whispering, and kicking our seats, they were completely well behaved. At one point Mrs. ACW turned around and shot their mother a dirty look, at which point the mother immediately squeezed from her vagina a new baby that immediately began screaming at the top of its lungs. That may be an exaggeration, but I’m sure she would have if she could. You could tell that she was one of those parents that has kids just because they want to be a dick for the rest of their lives.
“Hey, I’m in a minivan going 300 miles per hour while straddling two lanes! Don’t like it? Fuck off! I have kids!”
Never before in my life had I harbored such fantasies of punching out two little girls. I could just see the black eyes swelling up with tears as my cold heart erupted in an expressionless, frozen rage.
I felt bad about it later until Mrs. ACW said the she also wanted to beat up those kids. She never says stuff like that! I’m always the one that overreacts! I was glad that in this case I had envisioned a perfectly reasonable and well-thought out response to their childlike idiocy.
