Well, that was an exciting bunch of day off. Quite a few people (one) asked me if there was a particular reason I was taking some time off, and the reason was actually pretty simple: I was tired of the Internet.
“Tired of the Internet?!” you scream, elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos, corona of orange dust encircling your mouth and eerily highlighted by the glow of the monitor in your mother’s basement, “How could you be tired of the Internet?!” you bellow at the keyboard, smearing the keys a deeper hue of orange before stomping up to the kitchen to make yourself your seventh Pop Tart and Hot Pocket sandwich of the day which you’ll lazily dunk in a warm tumbler of YooHoo before drifting off, genitals in hand, in front of a Star Trek/Debbie Does Dallas mash-up on YouTube. I know YOU people will never tire of the Internet; but I did.
The class I was taking focused heavily on the social nature of the Internet, and after spending all day reading, writing, and researching the topics of communities, technology, Internet culture, etc., I had no interest in actually using the Internet. I was figuratively full of Internet. The tubes were stuffed up my ass and Ted Stevens was cramming them with even more Internet.
And my job pretty much requires that I hang out on the Internet all day, so something had to give, and the blog was cut loose. I didn’t really miss the blogging per se. What I missed was the opportunities blogging affords me. Opportunities to make a long, semi-nonsensical run-on sentence like the one in the second paragraph. Opportunities to find new and more disgusting ways to talk about poo poo, pee pee, wieners, vajayjays, and grundles. Opportunities to find new ways to swear. Anyone can say “fuck” but I like to think it takes a little talent to say “nut-juggling cock-monger”.
I missed those opportunities.
I can hear you now:
“I can’t believe I put on pants for this.”
I still can’t believe you actually know the word “Grundle” My husband swears it’s called “the Taint”
I say no. I learneed Grundle in College, dammit. Pffft.
Silly Coloradan tree huggers……
ACW, I miss you when you’re gone so I’ll take any post I can get from you.
No one can write a gag inducing post title like you, ACW.
I get tired of the Internet. I’m tired of it right now, actually.
Easy there big guy. The strange orange glow coming from my crotch has a completely different explanation.
I DO put pants on for this every day.
i never wear pants.
pants are for suckers.
Geez, did I put on pants or didn’t I? Crapola.
Welcome back, nevertheless, pants or not.
You forgot “FUPAs”. You missed opportunities to blog about FUPAs.
So you take a couple of stupid classes, and now you think you’re too good for us?? We don’t need your stinkin’ blog. Go take a hike.
(But after you’re done with the hike, come back here and tell us about it. I’m lonely.)
You were gone?
What flavours of Hot Pockets and Pop Tarts should I be using?
Who’s wearing pants?
I whack off to mashups of Looney Tunes and Jenna Jameson, thank you very much.
For women that would be “I can’t believe I put on a bra for this”.
I can’t believe I put on a bra for this!