UPDATE 2: I’ll be judging entries this weekend and will post pictures of prizes that are being mailed out to the winners on Monday. So far I am thrilled at the results.
UPDATE: I am so happy at how this is going so far that I’m going to search my house for more prizes.
w00t! It’s a contest! Like I said yesterday, Mrs. ACW and I were cleaning out our attic, and we came up with a bunch of crap that was too worthless to sell so I’ve decided to give it away to you, my semi-literate and socially maladjusted readers, as prizes!
Here’s how you win:
Find the most bizarre search term which still links to my blog.
Pick something really strange to search for in Google, and see if you can find a way to link to my blog. For example, somewhere, somehow “i hate my brother incest” links to my blog. You can do MUCH better than that, I’m sure.
So pick a search term, get it to work, and post a link to the Google search itself here in the comments. I’ll also confirm it in the blog stats (so you need to click the link).
Here’s an example:
1) Go to Google.com
2) Type in your search term (in this case, I used “anonymouscoworker”)
3) See if you can find a link to my site. You might have to look through many pages. If you find a link, grab the URL at the top of the page. (in this case it’s http://www.google.com/search?q=anonymouscoworker
&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official
&client=firefox-a)
4) Post that URL in the comments
5) Win a prize (maybe)!
Prize categories:
Most offensive
Longest (Keep in mind it must also be bizarre. You can’t just use one of my own posts as a search.)
Most related to zombies
Most related to necrophilia
Strangest instance of the word “coworker”
Make Your Own Category!
Worst grammar
Most surreal
Potentially Criminal (i.e. “how do I break out of jail?”)
And just to whet your appetite for greedy competition, here are some of the prizes you’re playing for:
An old Christmas Tree Stand!
A wire paper rack!
This crappy CD case!
What are you waiting for? Get Googling!
Disclaimer: The prizes shown may be exponentially better than prizes mailed. Void in Alaska and Hawaii but not in that order, and only during leap years. Batteries not included, unless your prize is old batteries. Do not ingest. Babies cannot be mailed internationally, sorry. Some perishable prizes may grow mold before delivery: consider this an extra prize.
I’ve been DQ’d already. Dammit.
POOOPY!!
Search:
poop report what befell
http://www.poopreport.com/Office/what_befell_the_bathro...
Oh it’s on now sucka!
Gobots make me want to puke
hmmm, i thought i had the patience for this, but it turns out i don’t.
unless those hookers show up with my blow soon. then it’s ON.
Can no one follow directions?
Actually, I’ve got something better. Not only do you have an impostor, with what we can only assume is a nicer ass, but there is some freak out there searching for Anonymous Coworker’s Balls.
This can all be verified at:
http://amazingovershare.blogspot.com/2007/05/wikigoogle...
YES! I CAN!
Poppy- DQ’ed? How?
Nobody- It’s got to link to MY blog.
Mojotek- BRING IT!
Lori- That would probably work. Can you provide a link?
Kendra- “Hookers and blow” is far too common. Try “hookers and blow snorks”. That might work, but now it doesn’t count.
DJ- It’s kind of complicated, but I think people are catching on.
tfg- That’s excellent… you pervert.
Lori- YES, YOU CAN. (I don’t know what this is all about.)
Weeeeeeeell, so far I’ve got:
Search: child corpse tit fucking
(http://www.anonymouscoworker.com/2007/03/)
Search: masturbating to animal corpse (www.anonymouscoworker.com/2005/page/3)
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/2005/12/page/3)
(http://www.anonymouscoworker.com/2005/12/08/its-not-stealing-if-you-dont-say-where-you-got-it/)
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/category/word-nerd/page/2)
Search : jerk my dead dick
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/category/potty-humor)
Search: hump my mother the zombie stripper
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/category/bitches/page/5)
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/category/uncategorized/page/5)
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/category/sex/page/3)
Search: taking a shit on the pope
(www.anonymouscoworker.com/2005/11/page/3)
(http://www.anonymouscoworker.com/2006/09/14/happy-birthday-to-me-bitches/)
Hmmm….I could do this all day. Question. Does it have to be an *exact phrase* search result? Cuz I think those searches just put me on a bunch of government checklists, and it’s a little early in the week for cavity searches, yuhnoewhuti’msayeen?
On a related note, I am currently selling bags of my garbage. Anyone interested in buying a bag may help themselves to the cans behind my fence. Just make sure you leave a $20 bill for every bag you take.
Okay, this is what I’ve got so far:
celery eating pizza
http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&am...
How do I turn clowns into sausages?
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=opera&...
Is sex with a zombie necrophilia?
http://www.google.com/search?q=Is+sex+with+a+zombie+nec...
Clowns with big sausages trying to have anonymous sex with zombies because they heard that necrophilia is fun
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=clowns+with+bi...
The scary part was seeing what freaky stuff is out there.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=i+want+to+hump...
You’re #1, baby.
It’s disturbingly fun how addictive this little hobby has become.
Search: I loves me some zombie anus
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: I picked up a hooker at the mortuary
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: Random car fart eats the glazed soup bucket
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: the undead thundercats are in my pants
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: I ate my shitty coworker and then molested his bones
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
If you click on my words, you’ll see that they are linked! Dork.
Or..Maybenot! Okay, I”M the dork now.
Everyone- Yes! YES!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I think what you have here are minions. Yes, yes that’s what you’d call “doing your bidding”. Brilliant. Mwahahaha!
Anonymous zombies eating necrophiliac coworkers
http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&q=...
how to have anonymous necrophiliac sex with my coworkers brother
http://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+have+anonymous+ne...
Wow, number 1 and 2 for “Republican necrophiliac zombies also love beastiality with cats.” But that’s no surprise. I’ll have to find something more zany, less predictable.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=republican+nec...
“Sherlock licks Wookie Butt”
I guess that probably happens, so not so far-fetched, I guess.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=s...
“Wookie pirates eat toilets full of shit and then have sex.”
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=w...
Haha, the ONLY result for “Zombie semen tastes like cannog.” Maybe “Cannog tastes like zombie semen” would have been the more appropriate phrasing.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=z...
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=soup+of+thick%...
I imagine there are some half-eaten candles that might make nice gifts.
Search: An orgy of undead loving
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: Freak me with your rotting booty
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: I’m going to shoot you in the face when I rob you
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: Glen Burnie is the goddamn devil
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Search: Eat the maggots from my zombie ass, you ignorant necro
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
Serch: I pleasure myself when kittens are killed
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site%3Ahttp%3A...
That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.
Man I haven’t even TRIED yet and I’m lovin me some Omega so much that it’s a shame I’m happily married.
but now, that was easy (2nd page):
http://www.google.com/search?q=jesus+fucking+a+corpse+o...
3rd page.
Wow, I was going to give this a shot, but the competition looks fierce.
Hitler is a douchebag who murders wombats for zombies
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=opera&...
Clusterfucking zombies
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=opera&...
Just a couple more that I found
Maybe I would be ashamed of myself…
drinking eggnog from Jesus’s zombie anus
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a...
…if I weren’t so damn jealous.
Atheist devil cats think jesus is fo shizzle
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&sa=X&oi=spel...
I put a wookie in a zombie’s butt and got a pregnant teenage roofer
It didn’t return quite as highly as I had hoped
http://www.google.com/search?q=I+put+a+wookie+in+a+zomb...
I am moving tomorrow so sadly can’t compete, but Zombie Anus has to be the winner.
Had to go through a couple pages, but found you on this one:
“Anonymously stealing blowjobs from undead coworkers while they sleep.”
http://www.google.com/search?q=anonymously+stealing+blo...
When’s the deadline for submissions, anyway?
I think Omega wins. :)
ACW - I’m too lazy and lame to participate. And “Nobody” made fun of me and now I’m crying. Fucker.
Thank yew, thank yew. I’d like to thank my hard right-wing fundamentalist upbringing, which turned me into what I am today.
All Hail The Black Fist Of Satan!