This weekend the bodacious and alluring Mrs. ACW and I met Angy Hangy and NPRJunky (both of local internet fame) at the demolition derby in Arcadia, MD.
I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but wasn’t the least bit surprised to see people sporting Confederate flag t-shirts (and matching apparel), wife-beater tans, and a woman who looked to be about 10 minutes away from giving birth wearing naught but a bikini top and some booty shorts. But the crowd wasn’t interested in finding out who could out-white-trash whom, or discussing which group wanted to revive the institution of slavery. It was about watching a bunch of people in cars trying to crash into each other as much as they could. And who wouldn’t be able to enjoy that.
As far as I could understand it, classes of cars defined by wheelbase would line up at the top of a hill before getting the signal to race down into a narrow channel that funneled onto a short-track dirt race-course. The winner was selected based on how many laps they had completed at the end of a specified period of time. I think about 5 minutes. The winners would move on to the next round, while the losers were towed, pushed, or rolled off of the course.
Finally, all the winners in all the races would compete in a traditional demolition derby where the cars line up and then ram each other melee-style until one one car is left running.
It really doesn’t sound particularly interesting when put like that, but after a few races you’re able to start identifying the sound of tires popping amidst the din of multiple vehicular collisions; or be able to tell the smoke of a tire rubbing against the wheel well from the smoke of an engine. And then when they have to set the race track on fire (thank you, Internet, for flickr) to burn off the gasoline from a few ruptured gas tanks, and then they start the next race before all the fire has burned out, well, you know you’re in for a good time.
Further proof that it’s good family fun: Saturday morning Mrs. ACW asked how much the derby cost, and when I said, “10 dollars per person” she said that due to excessive cost, she probably wouldn’t be going again. But after having been there for only a few hours, and having gotten completely soaked because of a sudden downpour, Mrs. ACW enthusiastically stated that we would be attending the next derby.
I also shot a quick video, but my card filled up after only 36 seconds, so it’s not that great. However, there are about four bumps and jolts in the last few seconds, and the video is free, so quit’yer bitchin’.
Sure, don’t tell me you’re going to the derby to laugh at the white trash.
harumphf
Next on the list: tractor pulls.
(although, out west, this is all really how we kill our weekends anyway, so I probably shouldn’t mock too much)
Poppy loves demolition derbies. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ite trash!
so is the blonde in the pink top at the lower left side of the screen playing the slowest game of hacky sack in the world?
we are so fer sher going on june 9th.
that video you shot for some reason reminds me of the zapruder jfk assassination footage.
Savage Bliss: There’s a tractor pull at the next one, baby!
ACW, the Mrs. certainly was bodacious, in a very “grateful dead groupie” kind of way. Next time, tell HER to wear the bikini top, so she can be part of the IN crowd.
If you are real white trash, you go to Combine Derbys. There is nothing like watching a bunch of liquored up rednecks smash giant earth tillers into one another. It’s even funnier when one of them falls out of the two story cab.
DJ- There’s another one in June.
Bliss- The tractor pull is in June. I can’t wait.
Poppy- What can I say? It was a great time.
Darth- I think that was beer frisbee. Drink 10 beers, then try to play frisbee.
J$- Cool, we’ll see you there!
NPRJ- Even if I got her pregnant NOW she wouldn’t compare to that woman at the derby.
AD- I would LOVE to see a combine derby. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many out this way.
maybe we could hijack a pair of lite rail trains and smash em into each other…
Stinky Pinky, Redneck Rocket, Dawn-n-Stacy, Psycho Steve, etc. The inspiration is endless and I can’t wait until the 9th.
Just remember: Beer - It’s not just for breakfast, but it’s also for prenatal care.
Next time, don’t forget to get matching tattoos and Skoal hats beforehand.
It’s nice to see Britney Spears and Paris Hilton driving again.
Sounds like a wonferful time. One question: Do you bring your own Brunello or is there a Sommelier on site?
*wonderful*
J$- Yes, and it would only take a few hours if we stopped at every station.
Angy Hangy- “The baby don’t like light beer. I can tell by how much he kicks.”
tfg- I hope you mean barbed wire arm tattoos.
MD- Heh. It’s scary how much they’d fit in there.
CBC- The sommelier is on site for pairing wines with watercress salads and a wide assortment of hummuses.
How romantic of you to take Mrs. ACW to a nice place for a change.
ACW, I have pics of your bikini topped/preggo friend…I just went through and looked today, and I got quite a few shots of your newest obsession.
Wow, demolition derby with the on-lookers so close and without safety cages to catch wayward cars or the occasionaly flying tire. Good red-neck fun right there.