I’ve been trying for weeks to make a subtle reference to the GoBots in one of my posts, but the opportunity just hasn’t presented itself. So in lieu of any actual content, here are some links to a bunch of GoBots crap, and a quick anecdote.
GoBots on Wikipedia
GoBots on IMDB
GoBots on ebay
GoBots on Amazon
GoBots intro on YouTube
GoBots in France
In the first grade I was a huge GoBots fan. I watched the show religiously, had the toys, and knew all the character’s names. I even had a GoBots lunchbox. It was red, and I had two tiny smiley-face stickers on the front in the “O” of “Go” and “Bots”. In fact, it was this very lunchbox.
In the first grade I went to Catholic School (by the way, if you want to ensure you have an atheist child, send them to Catholic school), and there was a little cubby hole cut out of the wall next to the radiator, and that little shelf was where we kept all the lunch boxes. When lunch time would roll around the kids would all make a mad dash to the cubby and grab their lunch box before heading back to their desk. So one day I plop down at my desk with my GoBots lunch box and open it up to the cornucopia of delight contained within. I surveyed the bounty: sandwich, snack, drink, dessert. What more could a little kid want?
I always ate my sandwich first. I don’t know why, but that’s what I did. I took a bite out of the sandwich and gagged. It tasted horrible! It was like somebody had made lunch meat out of old cat food and feet and then stuffed it into my sandwich. Just as I was looking for the teacher to let her know that something was wrong with my sandwich, I saw her looking for me. She was standing next to my friend Steve, and he was holding a familiar-looking red lunch box. I walked over with the lunch box that I thought was mine and said there was something wrong with my sandwich. Steve was complaining that the lunch box he was holding wasn’t his because his lunch box didn’t have stickers on it. Our teacher, Mrs. Decker, quickly realized what was going on and got the right lunch boxes into the right hands, and everything looked like all would be right with the world.
I quickly had my 6 year old dreams crushed.
Mrs. Decker insisted that Steve get something from my lunch box because I had taken a bite out of his sandwich. “But it was an accident!” I pleaded. Mrs. Decker was having nothing of it. “Go ahead Steven, pick anything,” she said, pointing into my now open lunch box. My gut was in knots. I felt like I was being choked by the tiny maroon clip-on tie they forced us to wear. I could feel the cold metal of the clip pressing against my throat.
I managed to stammer, “I didn’t even like his sandwich!”
“Hush! Steven, go ahead and pick something.”
When he reached for the peppermint patty I almost threw up. I could barely hold back the tears. I managed to make it to my desk before I actually started crying outright. It wasn’t fair! I had only taken one bite of his sandwich, and it wasn’t even good! For that he got to take my whole peppermint patty?! The classmates around me tried to point out the relative benefits of my peanut-butter and jelly or my Cheetos, but it was no good. I was inconsolable.
The details escape me after that, but I believe I was sent to the nurse to calm down a bit. I think I may have fallen asleep. I remember my mother telling me later, after having spoken to Steve’s mom, that Steve’s sandwich was braunschweiger; that pasty mash of rotten-tasting meat that my father like to eat on toast. I had my peppermint patty forcibly taken from me for eating braunschweiger. What kind of fucked-up world was I growing up in?
Dude, GoBots suck. They are the Hot Wheels to the Matchbox of the Transformers. Also, you’re a wuss.
Holy Crap… You bring back so many memories…
Being a kid sucked sometimes.
Braunchweiegr’s good, man. I consider one of the best liverwursts. Wikipedia’s braunschweiger entray, however, is hilarious:
“For casual use in most households, it is better to buy a small amount, since braunschweiger spoils quickly. About a week after opening, the meat will change from a fresh pinkish color to a dull gray, and will then begin to turn green. If it is not consumed quickly after it first turns gray, the braunschweiger is no longer edible and should be disposed of immediately.”
“A few days later, the school was mysteriously burned to the ground and Mrs. Pecker’s charred remains were found in the janitor’s closet with bratwursts stuffed in every orafice.”
I love happy endings.
I remember that school. I think it was full of teachers like that. I remember being in kindergarten. I wasn’t feeling very well one day, and I went to the sink in the back of the classroom to get a drink. While I was there, I began to feel worse. I puked in the sink and started crying. The teacher came back and saw what was in the sink, she told me to clean it up and go to the principals office. I don’t know what she thought I did, but I had to clean it all up still feeling sick.
You teacher was a fucking bitch!!!
that’s so not fair… but maybe you could think of it as a generous act of kindness on your part, for the kid who had to eat the REST of that sandwich.
I don’t know how Dad managed to raise you so incorrectly that you don’t exclusively eat beef all the time, resulting in an impacted colon at age 29, but braunschweiger is fucking delicious.
So if you called the little hole cut in the wall next to the radiator a “cubby”, did you call the one cut in the Boy’s Room stall partition a “glory”?
Just asking.
What a bitch. I also attended Catholic school and now consider myself a heathen. Coincidence? I think not.
You know that thing Karma? I’ll bet you that not only did that teacher get hers, but that little Peppermint Pattie stealing snot got a big dose of “right back at ya.”
Man….That reminds me of a story from my youth. I, too, went to Catholic School (proud Athiest for years..heh) and we were all sitting in the cafeteria watching our end of school year movie. The kid who sat next to me decided to barf. all over the table and myself. The worst part of it was they moved all the other kids away from the contaminated area but…for some reason…they left me there. Pfft!
jwer- You’re mom is a Transformer… it’s the best I’ve got.
Alan- You’d think most people would realize it was inedible before it laid around that long.
CBC- Did you change Decker to Pecker on purpose, or was that some sort of mental slip?
DJ- Yeah, that sounds like the place alright.
Inspector- The funny thing was that she wasn’t always this bad. It’s just sometimes she was unbearable.
Kendra- I have a feeling that he was packed that sandwich because he liked it.
Mokie- Oh, yes! Whatever happened to ME? I don’t like pre-digested mystery meats. Yes, I can see where I’M the one who is crazy. Can’t wait for you to start eating raw ground beef like dad did, since that’s TOTALLY sane.
Neckbone- Why would it be called a glory hole? Is it because the priests were always using it?
Kerstin- I didn’t really blame Steve, I just felt like I’d already been punished. He was probably bitching because he didn’t get to eat all his bratwurst.
Lori- Did they dump sawdust all over you too?
Reminds me of the time in first grade when I beat some third graders ass with my Fantistic Four lunchbox. Back then lunchboxes were still metal, so it hurt a bunch. I did start crying, though, once I’d realized that the lunch box was destroyed.
OK - picture this: I was in a foster home in first grade and for some insane reason, my foster mother sadistically packed a braunschweiger sandwich for me every single day, despite the fact I told her I HATED braunschweiger. Well, I just threw the sandwich away, but as you can imagine, I started to appear rather thin after a while. Especially since I didn’t like most of everything else she cooked for dinner. Well, she told me that she had called the principal and he was going to watch me every day to make sure I ate my sandwich. Of course, being only 6 years old, I totally believed that was happening, and I would watch the principal walk around the lunch room, and just choke and gag that sandwich down. Every day for an entire school year. Plus, she was able to force me to eat everything she put in front of me - lots of fatty and high carbohydrate foods. At the end of that year, I was pretty much a roly-poly butterball. I remember my mother saying how “healthy” I looked when I left that home. Yeah, sure. Thank God I was back to my thin self by the next year back with my mother. (Unbelievably, today I like braunschweiger. I thought I would never eat it again at one time.)
Yep - classic Catholic School experience. Guilt, shame, and punishment with no explanation or retribution. Probably the reason I was a straight A student in school and got “Ds” in catechism class. You gotta think there is something wrong with the message when even a six year old doesn’t buy it.l
Amazing how so many good things can happen in grade school and you always remember the horrible one… even decades later. I don’t remember the birthday parties I got invited to, but I remember the one’s I didn’t get invited to; walking into the classroom and seeing invitations on every desk but mine.
That’s just wronger than…..well, it’s wrong. It’s a wonder you didn’t grow up to shoot up the place. What a stupid bitch that teacher was. Poor ACW. Hug?
ACW, would you like me to track that woman down and steal her peppermint patty for you? Because I could do that, you know… just saying.
Man, that reminds me of the time in second grade where Danny L. was running in the playground at recess. He fell and knocked out a tooth. Well, Sister got the fourth grade teacher to come in and yell at the whole class. Then, they picked one person and asked him if he was running. He said, “Yes,” and then they had him name one other person that was running. So, the whole class wound up caught in a witch hunt. Everyone who answered yes had to write a punishment at home 500 times. Everyone who lied and said no got off scott-free. Everyone who got named was mad at the person who named them. It was a lot of fun. And this was all because a couple of boys got a little rought at recess. Me? I ran for like 30 seconds playing Mother May I? with some other girls in a different part of the parking lot. Am I still bitter about that and a shit-load of other stuff 21 years later? Absolutely!
Looks like I accidentally stumbled across a nerdfest. Pardon my intrusion. Carry on.
When I was in first grade I stole other kids lunches for a while. The kid I was stealing them with, he was the real ringleader of the operation. We made our fatal mistake when we stole some of Tyler somethingorother’s cheeto balls. Apparently he counted those things ever morning before school. When he realized about a third of them were gone, he flipped out hardcore.
That was my first run in with the law. Now I am the law, and I have all the Cheetos I could ever want.
Braunschweiger and Liverwurst both suck like being a kid does sometimes. I have no idea why my honey likes them.
I’m with Crunchy BC on this one.
*snorts* karla hit it on the head…*makes popcorn* let the nerdfest continue.
This brought tears to my eyes. Seriously. The injustices of childhood always loom large… and now I unknowlingly inflict injustices on my own offspring. Life is cruel.
tfg- Out lunchboxes were all plastic. They still hurt to get hit with tough.
SunSpotBaby- Why, after all that, would you like braunschwieger? It’s horrible.
Broadsheet- The message isn’t the problem, it’s the messengers messing with the message.
GirlAtheist- And the soul is crushed most easily in youth.
Mel- I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m past hugs at this point. Beer would be better.
Gwen- Thanks, but at this point I’m pretty sure she’s dead.
Lilmeggi- Wow. That’s a lot of bitterness to carry around for such a long time. You should maybe do some therapeutic finger-painting or something before you snap.
Karla- Yeah, sorry. The Donkey Show trainee class is next door.
ALS- Yes, Cheetos are the ultimate reward. I hear SCOTUS members get free Cheetos for life.
Leslie- They aren’t even meat! They’re meat-esque. Who would want to eat that crap?
Lulu- I’ll add you to my “don’t ever piss off” category with CBC.
Tammy- We’re not here for your free amusement. You have to pay.
Monkey- Life is ironic.
While GoBots and Transformers totally bring be back, nothing kicked more ass than the Shogun Warriors, especially Dragun, but that isn’t the reason that brought me to comment. Really…
For me, “GoBot” goes way beyond childhood innocence. Let me explain.
See, there was this skank in college who had made mention of her “Bag of Tricks”, which was just too much to not make fun of. She ended up with the pseudo/ acro nym of G.O.B.O.T. which stood for Greasy Old Bag Of Tricks, because she was just that…
There was no reason why you had to give up your patty because of a mixup.
ACW - That’s what you get for taking so long to answer.
Now that you’re married and all, is it ok if I just snap on Kmart? He’s an excellent punching bag.
GoBots are like the K-Mart Transformers