This weekend Mrs. ACW and I replaced all the lightbulbs in our house with compact fluorescent ones. And when I say “Mrs. ACW and I” what I mean is “I replaced all the lightbulbs in the house while Mrs. ACW laid around and ate bon bons, and even then she barely had the energy to lift the remote to channel surf.”
I’m just kidding. Mrs. ACW wasn’t eating bon bons. She gave up chocolate for Lent. She was actually just taking hits off a crack pipe.
I’m just kidding. She actually gave up chocolate for Lent, but she wasn’t smoking crack. It was PCP. Seriously. She loves Angel Dust. Anyway, you might think to yourself, “Self, I should probably take my hand off my genitals and pay attention to this little blog here in front of me.” And I’d say, yes, eww, please stop that. Now that your head is clear you might say to yourself, “Self, I thought ACW was an avowed atheist. He even has a category for athesim, and it features an exclamation point. Why would his wife participate in a Lenten sacrifice?” The answer may surprise you. Actually it probably won’t. In fact, I would say that if the answer DOES surprise you, you should probably get out more.
So anyway, both Mrs. ACW and I are recovering Catholics. However, she apparently has enough Catholic guilt leftover to feel disappointed in herself if she cheats and eats some chocolate. She also gave up drinking, which means that liquor stores in the area are flooded with overstock of Wild Turkey, Mad Dog 20/20, and Boone’s Farm wine.
On the other hand, I gave up Catholicism for Lent about 10 years ago, and I’ve never felt better (My family doesn’t find that joke very funny.) so while Mrs. ACW struggles, I laugh and carouse in a drunken chocolate-smeared revelry. Which brings me to my point.
We are now using, at full capacity, about 500 fewer watts than we were before we switched bulbs, and I have no idea what to do with the old bulbs.
Do what any eco-conscious consumer would do when faced with such a problem after upgrading his house to CFL bulbs: viciously pepper hobos with the old bulbs.
I for one (being family) find that joke very funny. I wish I was there the first time you told it so I could see the look on our Aunts face.
Oh, as for the lightbulbs, try throwing them into an empty metal trashcan (outside of course) they make a nice sound. Oh, and I hear you can make them into a nice pipe for that crack, I mean PCP. kidding.
No, I’m not.
Have fun with your PCP Mrs. ACW
What? You don’t know what to do with those bulbs? Do you no longer have a rectum?
I posed the exact same question to a bunch of people myself not too long ago, and got no good reply. There is a scrap value attached to incandescent light bulbs, but it’s only $25/ton. There are ways to take the filament out and turn the bulbs into crack pipes, if Mrs. ACW is so inclined. Otherwise, your options are to donate them to your local thrift store or church for use, landfill them, or whip them on to the street to hear the tinkly smash.
This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. As a recovering Cathlolic myself I’ll add that I gave up all theological dogma for lent about 7 years ago myself.
I must say life’s been a lot less guilty since!
As for what to do with the light bulbs….don’t worry about wasting time worrying about. Just keep the bulbs near your head. When you subconsiously come up with an idea the bulb will turn on and you’ll suddenly know what to do without having to devote valuable tv watching time thinking about the matter consciously.
Put them in your car so you can throw them at slow/asshole drivers. Hearing that pop will freak their shit right out.
You should donate the lightbulbs to a church. Haha.
Catholics, man. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em……
Man, that’s funny. I want to party with Mrs. ACW.
I too recently switched all the bulbs in my house to full-spectrum CF bulbs.
And I too have a pile of incandescent bulbs I have no idea what to do with!
Hmmm, recovering Catholic here too who also just switched out all of his bulbs. Sounds like we need to get a group together, if we find enough recovering Catholics with bulbs to recycle we could get a few cases of Olympia and celebrate Lent.
Screw the lightbulbs, what did you do with the leftover PCP?
I always thought you were operating on fewer watts…
drunken chocolate smeared revelry sounds like a band playing coachella.
also, throw those lightbulbs in the damn trash and be quiet.
I and Dr. Fiancee recently did the same thing, although we also switched to 5100k bulbs — soft blue light, looks like a bright sunny day inside our house now. Helps with the good doctor’s SAD.
Anyway, good on you ACW!
And now I see Kelli’s responded above and not bothered to use my carefully crafted pseudonym for her. Damn!
mokie- Viciously? I would only pepper them out of the kindness of my heart.
DJ- She wasn’t very happy at all. It was like I had slapped her.
Dirty Pervert- After the last time I did that with light-bulbs, no, I don’t have a rectum any longer.
Andrew- Right now I’ve just got them sitting in the shed.
Oriole Magic- Heh. That’s a pretty funny idea.
S. Reed- Yeah, I’m sure THAT won’t end in my incarceration.
Stephanie- Catholics; can’t live with ‘em, can’t feed them to the lions.
CruiserMel- For forty bucks of dope and a pipe she’ll party with anyone.
Kelli- Lemme know if you come up with any good ideas. I’m stymied.
DMC- Ah, so you’re from the NorthWest, eh? It’s the only place I’ve ever seen Olympia. Though, that might make it harder for our group to meet up.
tfg- What do you mean “leftover PCP”?
LotI- Heh.
Kendra- You be quiet.
Kaneda- All that work commenting for naught. It’s a shame.
Forget all other suggestions. I want them. I have a tendency to burn bulbs out regularly, such that I’d probably save more money by accepting donated bulbs than I’d save if I switched to compact flourescents or LEDs (which are so bloody cool, BTW).
Why didn’t you just do the switch gradually, replacing bulbs as the incadescent ones burned out? That way there’s no guilt over throwing out something so expensive and still useful.
Alex- You seriously want them? They’re yours. Send me an email.
Serra- That’s what I was doing, but then I thought, “I could save 500 watts by replacing all these.”
I did what Serra said, i.e. replaced them as they burnt out.
I also just found out that the new bulbs should not be thrown out because they contain mercury and should be dropped off at a place that will accept them for recycling.
Finding such a place is another story.
Are you really blogging about your lightbulbs? Do us a favor and camp out in the Greyhound bus station for a weekend so you get some blogging material.
I don’t use light bulbs. I just leave the curtains open and let the green glow from the next door power plant illuminate my house.
You can get rid of the metal bit at the bottom, turn them on their heads, and use them to grow herbs and little flowers in on your window sill. You might be able to even fit small bulbs in the bulbs.