I’ve been trying to get in touch with a guy at another company for about a week now, and keep getting directed to his assistant’s substitute, who apparently has no access to his schedule, calendar, or even his phone number. Today she was finally able to direct me to his voicemail, but I was on hold for about 10 minutes while she was (I assume) looking up the number. However, I wouldn’t put it past her, considering I’ve been dealing with her for a week, that she just put me on hold and forgot about me. But this doesn’t get to the point of my post. While I was on hold I was subjected to a recording about various diseases, their symptoms, and what to do about treatment (it’s a health insurance company).
Here are some of the diseases that were mentioned while I was on hold:
Anorexia
Bulimia
Cancer
Alzheimer’s
Obesity
HIV
Hypertension
Leukemia
Hepatitis
Schizophrenia
Lung Cancer
Malaria
Now I feel great! Nothing like listening to a chipper female voice describe finding a dark-spot in a a x-ray in a search for lung cancer. And my, she was so polite in not mentioning sharing needles during an orgy when discussing Hepatitis and HIV. Unfortunately, I was connected to the voicemail before I could hear the spiel about malaria. I’m sure that would have been awesome in a West-Nile kind of way.
Here are some of the diseases I would have liked to hear about:
Ebola
Mad Cow
Solanum
Tapeworms
Lycanthropy
Elephantiasis
Trichatillomania
Explosive Diarrhea
Yeah, you would, lol!
You forgot Kuru.
Google it.
At times I feel like an Werewolf. (Lycanthropy) Years ago I dreamt I was a Werewolf. I remember growling like a wolf in a half sleep. While still half asleep I was on all fours and growling at my wife. It scared the hell out of her. Good thing I didn’t get hairy and grew fangs. The thing was, I remember doing it. It really felt good growling like that!
You are the only person I know (okay, so “know” is iffy) who can come up with a blog posting while on hold with an insurance company. They should preserve your brain for future study after your death.
what about scurvy?
I don’t think Explosive Diarrhea is actually a disease. For many of us, it’s more of a lifestyle choice.
Don’t forget “Jungle Fever.”
My favorite at the moment is BOT FLY… however, KURU totally rocks!!
Explosive (and bloody!) Diarrhea = CHOLERA
What about Hoof In Mouth disease?
You know, of course, this post will provide hours of blogging fun when Google picks this post up and the sickos start showing up at your blog door.
OK, ACW, I gotta ask: what in the WORLD did this have to do with zombies?
NPR Junky: Click the link.
My housemate has measles at the moment. I didn’t know people got measles anymore. I am having to keep quiet about it though, as all the people I work with have young kids, and I bet they’d freak out if they heard I’d been exposed to measles. They freak out about anything involving their kids. When they aren’t talking about how clever they are, that is.
What? No anal cancer? Or labrynthitis? Or fungus of any kind?
Jungle Fever. Haha.
You left out Cotard’s syndrome, also known as “Walking Corpse Syndrome”, not to be confused with Solanum.
Huw, My kid’s a genius. He’s already figured out how to climb out of the washing machine by himself, after his bath.
No measles yet, though. Don’t responsible parents get immunizations for their kids? Or are they too busy following up the links between autism and immunization.
Damn Mommy-bloggers are gonna create a whole generation of rocking, mumbling narcisists…
Damn skippy - let’s hear about the interesting diseases!
I enjoy a good bout of explosive diahrea every now and then.
They didn’t mention anything about catching teh ghey?
If World War Z taught me anything, it’s that when people start talking about a disease like Solanum, it’s time to either move to Hawaii or build a fucking wall around the city ’cause there’s no stopping that shit.
OSHA’s phone menu, last time I called there, listed the most common things people called about: carpal tunnel syndrome, sick building syndrome, and homicide in the workplace. I pushed 3, I had to, and learned that homicide is the number one cause of death for women at work. Number 3 for men, after heart attack and electrocution.