Spelling, grammar, and word choice all verbatim.
PANCAKE SUPER (Unfortunately found outside of the Korean Baptist church.)
TOUCH HIS GARMENT (I guess this is better than “Touch his holy meat-hammer” but it’s still weird.)
SOMETIMES A LOVE DIVIDED IS A LOVE MULTIPLIED (wtf? Is this church advocating divorce? Or just bad math?)
IT FEELS LIKE FAMILY (This one REALLY skeeves me out for some reason.)
ABROTION IS ALWAYS WRONG (So is terrible spelling. Jesus hates you.)
COME INTO THE SON (I’m pretty sure this would be the best orgasm you’ve ever had.)
Awesome. Just fucking awesome. There is a terrible evangelical church on the way to my folks’ that always has those terrible slogans like the last one…now I’m going to have to pay more attention to them for comment. Usually I try to not look. The Jebus! It blinds!!!
Touch his holy meat-hammer… without a doubt the funniest thing I will have read today.
IT FEELS LIKE FAMILY Am I the only one who has the song “Smells like teen spirit” spooling through their head after reading this coupling of words?
If only a Unitarian Universalist Church would have the balls to put:
“Be touched by His noodly appendage.”
That would be awesome.
Haha. You’re going to hell for that last one. But, I laughed, so I’ll be right there with ya.
Diana- I’m usually more disappointed when they’re normal than like this.
Maven- Smells Like Teen Spirit?
S. Reed- That would indeed be awesome.
Jules- Why am I going to Hell? I’m not the one who wrote it!
“COME INTO THE SON (I’m pretty sure this would be the best orgasm you’ve ever had.)”
I’ve got some serious doubts about this one. .
“TOUCH HIS GARMENT (I guess this is better than “Touch his holy meat-hammer” but it’s still weird.)”
Touch his garment! TOUCH it! LOVE IT!
ACW, I saw one around the corner from my house that proclaimed: “Happy Hour, free wine and crackers, Sunday at 11 am”
But yours brought tears of glee to my eyes.
Religious people are so damn stupid, Fuck them all.
The one near my house had something up like “The Holy Spirit is like Inner Jogging”
(?)
Come into the son… truly? Holy fuck! :) Pancake Super, huh? Antipancake Superstar? Where’s my Moses-lasses? There’s one around here that had, what I assume was supposed to be, “The most powerful position is on your knees.” However, with such limited space the slogan lost its humor factor because it was abbreviated into a text-message type to fit into the cramped marquee board. It read: “The most pwrful positn is on ur knees”. It was dreadful.
There was a girl in Myth today who actually asked if it was cool to use “net speak” for assignments. The professor looked dumbfounded; I looked ready to drop-kick “net speak girl” off of the Stephen’s Hall clock tower.
Now I have the CAKE tune, Hem Of Your Garment, in my head….but the words are different. Damn you, ACW, damn you to nonexistant places!!
Yeah, Smells like teen spirit I dunno… I think it was the meter of the words, “It Feels Like Family,” however, in retrospect, I now think that line reminds me of that Olive Garden catch phrase, “When you’re here, you’re family,” whatever the ever-livin’ EFF THAT means…. Shit, so far I’ve free-associated twice in this thread!!
Where did you find these gems?!
I want a super pancake.