1) Thanks for all the elliptical advice. I realize that going for a walk/jog/run outside is better/smarter/cheaper, but Mrs. ACW has bad knees (minds OUT of the gutter), so she can’t really do the running/jogging thing. Also, we get home so late from work that it’s already dark, and I wouldn’t encourage running around our neighborhood in the dark. It’s not like we live in Washington Village or anything like that, but it’s still not exactly “mall-walking” safe. Plus, we’re a couple of lazy lumps (my lovely lazy lumps?) so we think an exercise machine in front of the TV might be helpful.
2) Damn that Lily Allen song is catchy.
3) I got a heads up about the Fratellis from The Slender Reed, watched some of their videos yesterday and thought, “Cool. Maybe for once I’m slightly ahead of the curve.” Then I heard the Fratellis song Chelsea Dagger in a Safeway commercial, cementing my place at the ass-end of current popular culture. I can’t believe I got scooped by a supermarket.
4) The occupational hazard of driving past the airport every morning is that frequently many people on the road have no idea where the fuck they’re going, what the fuck they’re doing, or know how to figure out whether food goes in the up-top hole or in the down-low hole what where the stinkfruit comes from. My first example is from the other night when a cock-snorting shit-bather was driving at HALF the posted speed limit (i.e. 25 in a 50) changing from left to right lane and back again every few seconds. No lie, this fucker changed lanes eight-hundred and forty-three times. When I was FINALLY able to pass the pig-raper I saw that he was on his phone staring at a map in his lap. Awesome. I couldn’t imagine that PULLING OVER FOR A FUCKING MINUTE would have made that process easier. In retrospect I think he was right to go all DeathRace 2000 on our asses.
The second example is from this morning. Once again it’s cell-phone related, and once again the driver was going half the speed limit. But this time it was a member of the fairer sex. Why “the fairer sex”? Because it would have been fairer if I could have pulled her out her her car and given her a free colonoscopy with her cell phone camera before beating her to death with her own bumper. The worst part is that she cut me off in order to go less than HALF the speed at which I was traveling. In the left lane. I hope she gets together with the Mercedes driver from the other day and has a baby so I can kidnap that baby and kill it in front of them.
No, you’re right. That’s not fair. I wouldn’t kill a harmless baby just to prove a point.
But I would have no problem burning their houses to the ground while they were sleeping.
You are the funniest ranter I think I have ever heard. Read. Whatever. You are the maestro of coined words incorporating profanity, too. Rock on.
You’ve got to be shitting me about that Safeway commercial! That’s weird.
And I just don’t get the Lily Allen hype. Not at all.
I’m angry with Lily Allen because she busted on Madonna. Said her music is mediocre and that anyone Lily’s age doesn’t even remember her being cool. Yeah, right!
Washington Village is a f*cking dump. What kind of losers would even call that place home??
You and Snay need to start a driving school.
Caroline- Thank you. Mostly it got me in trouble growing up.
CBK- I’m serious. And re: Lily Allen- I’m not saying she’s Jesus, just catchy.
AGT- Madonna’s music IS mediocre. She makes so much of it that it can’t ALL be super #1 hits. Also, Allen was born in 85. That’s well after Madonna began to fall from superstardon into crazy wiccan/kabbalah territory.
AH- It’s okay. You can say “fucking” in my comments.
tfg- Seriously. We can set it up next to your Dongstar factory.
I almost crapped myself when I saw/heard that Safeway commercial.
Weren’t the villains inThe Goonies named Fratelli?
Good thinking. Have you over seen the the Oscar Mayer WeinerMobile? I’ve got a similar idea….
If you start a driving school can I be a teacher there? I’d be excellent at teaching subjects like “Electroshock for Road Manners,” “Slow Lane/Fast Lane 101″ and my all-time favorite, “Hang up and Drive, Fuckbag!”
Thanks for the earworms, cockbag… also, I feel your pain, as I discovered The Streets about 65 years after everyone else was already tired of them…
Ah, those Brits with their accents and their flats. I don’t get the hype, but the video is funny though. If you drive 295 often enough you’ll eventually see tourists and out-of-staters get nearly run over the Presidential motorcade flying by over 100mph.
Hey there, in all seriousness, I, too have bad knees, and I found the eliptical trainer to aggravate them.
I have a recumbent stationary bike, and it doesn’t bother the knees or the back as much.
Though if she’s hell bent on paying good money for something, I’d recommend finding out if there are water aerobics classes nearby. It’s low impact on the knees and it’s fun.
I love Lily Allen. Her songs sound so innocent melodically, but when you listen to the words they are so not. :)
I’d recommend having a few drinks before you get behind the wheel. I find it takes the edge off.
I guess I’m more on the ass-end of the pop curve because I don’t even know who the hell Lilly Allen is. Secondly, you’d have to kill the dumbass kid because it’d only breed more stupid people.
I still don’t have a cell phone with a camera, but now, I’m hoping to blow by that phase in cell phone technology, and go directly to the colon scope cell phone. But only if it comes with a lifetime supply of colon scope phone sanitizer.
I’m with Maven on the water aerobics - I did this for a time, before I moved and had to join a gym with a swimming pool that’s the size of a shoe box. Pool aerobics classes give you a fantastic workout, but you don’t even realize you’re working hard because the water keeps you cool. And it’s true, very easy on the joints, practically impossible to hurt yourself. Plus, you feel like a taut, sexy thing because everyone in your class is at least 30 years older than you.
Yep, The Fratellis are named after the Fratelli family in the Goonies. Next step on from Fratellis - try Klaxon (”Golden Scans”) and The View. Or, you can try Lily Allen’s male counterpart Jamie T. Ta daaaa - current mindframe of British music (all very indie kid and MySpacey).
Rather than an elliptical trainer, you could always go for one of those VibraTrain things (no really, I’m not being smutty!) - they’re called PowerPlates in this country.