Last night I ate my daily allowance of fiber in four little capsules. There’s really no reason for me to eat so much fiber. I usually have a fairly fibrous breakfast, and meals throughout the day further contribute to my my fiber intake, so by the time I ate my daily allowance of fiber, I had already eaten my daily allowance of fiber.
On a completely unrelated note, I woke up with a stomach-ache this morning. I showered, dressed, ate breakfast (which contained more fiber) and then came to work. Shortly after arriving at the office and turning on the computer there was an almost palpable tug pulling me in the direction of the restroom. My brain had relinquished control of my body to my innards, and they were steering my feet to the lavatory post-haste.
Once perched upon what would be my throne for the next ten minutes, I enjoyed the relative silence compared to the office bustling outside the door. This silence was quickly disturbed by the sounds of feet. Rarely does one person enter this bathroom while another person is occupying it, and even more rarely will a third person enter after that, so you can understand my surprise when two men walked in together.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t get that report to you on time. I’m naughty.”
I was flummoxed. Did one man just say to another man, “I’m naughty?” Has the tearoom trade started up again without my knowledge? And even if it had, wouldn’t it be completely unprofessional to proposition a coworker within earshot of an occupied stall?
The other person said nothing, so I can only assume that they gave the speaker the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was a Santa Claus “naughty/nice” reference and not a “I want to juggle your testicles with my tonsils” reference. Still, tis the season for double entendres so be careful when you’re throwing around phrases like “Where do you want the candy cane?” and “I would really love more stuffing.”
Speaking of double entendres, I heard some really good ones the other night:
On being surprised by steam from draining pasta- “That’s a great facial.”
On eating the heel of a piece of garlic bread- “I like the butt. I’ll take it.”
On the tastiness of the pasta sauce- “I’m all about the sausage.”
There were more, but alcohol and time have rendered them irretrievable.
Yes. In the realm of bathroom etiquette, saying “I’m naughty” under any circumstance (other than sharing a stall with a member of the opposite sex whilst both trashed at a bar for non-bathroom purposes) is verboten.
And creepy. It sounds like the start of a Hardly Boys exchange.
I’ll have to watch what I say at this years Xmas party.
Hey, I’ve used the restroom in that link…… or maybe I shouldn’t mention that.
I don’t care what time of the year it is, saying “I’m naughty” in a bathroom - man to man - is pretty high up on the list of “Things Not To Say In a Public Bathroom Man to Man.”
Didja ever notice, that the word “SAUSAGE” also spells out “ASSUAGE?”
A propos of almost nothing, have you ever had this nog drink?
And speaking of a close relation to cottaging, I was driving home from college late one night, and was getting pretty sleepy. So I pulled into a rest stop, in Massachusetts, to actually rest. When a guy pulled in next to me and creepily smiled at me, I woke up pretty quickly and kept driving.
“Completely unrelated note”, my ass. No pun intended.
Nothing ruins a good shot more than some clod walking in when you are engaged with the throne.
You have to stop, be cautious with farts and plops, give a courtesy flush. Oh the horror.
I’ve never told another man I’m naughty, even though I am. Dammit, you tricked me!
Bliss- Oh those Hardy Boys were dirty perverts they were.
DJ- True. Then again, I could just make some shit up.
DMC- I’m not surprised, your phone number was all over the walls.
Bekah- Yeah, right after “Nice watch”.
Maven- Ha! I had not noticed.
CBK- Yes, I have had it. It is, in my opinion, the best of all alcohol infused nogs. Though it’s still pretty terrible.
Jules- What can I say? I lie.
Phoenixnyc- Preach it! I’d much rather spend my time in there alone.
Diesel- I didn’t trick you. You wanted to be tricked.
“Nice watch”
Hahaha! Took me a second, but that’s hilarious.
i’m pretty sure naughty isn’t a word men should ever say.
regardless of situation.
Don’t forget…
feline fanatic surrounded by cats: “He’s in pussy heaven.”
ACW, please don’t ever forget that it WAS a great facial.
Just the word “naughty” should never be spoken by a male in a statement. A question, maybe. *evil grin*
There’s something about the word ‘naughty’ spoken man to man that’s inherently suspicious, especially in conjunction with an innocuous subject like an overdue report. You work in an interesting place.
Malnutured Snay sent me over as a fellow zombie lover (talk about your innuendos…) and I’m supposed to send you over to my blog to see my post about working with ken foree and Josef Pilato. He says you will then worship me and I can always use gratuitous worship!
Now I have to settle down and start reading your archives.
Perhaps there is an entirely different reason why the other guy said nothing.
Oh I’m totally creeped out that he said naughty while in the bathroom. THat’s just odd.
Hah. The Canadians like go away for a weekend of [illicit gay sex].
What total Gaynadians.
Perhaps the worst I’ve done is when I was bellowing (angrily, and in earshot of the whole office) down the phone at a colleague trying to find out whether or not he was going to attend an event or not: “Well Jesus man, if you’re gonna come, you’re gonna come. Know what I mean?”
Brief pause, in which I’m sure Colleague had his knuckles stuffed into his mouth to keep from laughing. Cue roars of laughter from my all male office.
I’m not sure how that relates to this post (it does in some way, I’m sure) but it just sprang into my head.
“Cottaging”! Again, I learn so much here.
And Bliss’s Hardy Boys reference had me clutching my sides in a non-bathroom related way.
I totally thought you were heading for the “I took a dump in the women’s restroom again”. Mainly because that was the only way I could make that quote attractive to me.
On another note… Zombies and Egg Nog make for a great Christmas List.
CBK- It’s like a joke grenade. Pull the pin, toss it, wait, then it explodes.
Kendra- I agree. It even sounds weird coming out of MY mouth.
Geisha- Yes! I had completely forgotten that one.
NPRJ- We could go on an on about the rejuvenating properties of… steam.
Mel- I’d prefer to keep sexual innuendo out of my comments please. I’m not that kind of blogger. ;)
Zhadi- I’ll have to check that out. Snay has been bothering me about it all day.
tfg- Ha!
Scarlet- I know! And for me to be out of context like that was totally disorienting.
Hink- Yeah, but at least they’re not Mexico-touchers like the USA.
Deanne- I can COMPLETELY see you doing that. At least there was a laugh out of it.
Monkey- I do what I can.
Mojotek- Nah, I’d have to be drunk or retarded to go in the Women’s room. It’s on the other side of the building. There is no better list that zombies and eggnog. Unless you add bacon. Bacon makes everything better.
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My little corner of the world ROCKS! If, you know, you’re a closeted gay.
I think the guy who said “I’m naughty” might have been Mighty Dyckerson. That sounds like his M.O.