Last night I ate my daily allowance of fiber in four little capsules. There’s really no reason for me to eat so much fiber. I usually have a fairly fibrous breakfast, and meals throughout the day further contribute to my my fiber intake, so by the time I ate my daily allowance of fiber, I had already eaten my daily allowance of fiber.
On a completely unrelated note, I woke up with a stomach-ache this morning. I showered, dressed, ate breakfast (which contained more fiber) and then came to work. Shortly after arriving at the office and turning on the computer there was an almost palpable tug pulling me in the direction of the restroom. My brain had relinquished control of my body to my innards, and they were steering my feet to the lavatory post-haste.
Once perched upon what would be my throne for the next ten minutes, I enjoyed the relative silence compared to the office bustling outside the door. This silence was quickly disturbed by the sounds of feet. Rarely does one person enter this bathroom while another person is occupying it, and even more rarely will a third person enter after that, so you can understand my surprise when two men walked in together.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t get that report to you on time. I’m naughty.”
I was flummoxed. Did one man just say to another man, “I’m naughty?” Has the tearoom trade started up again without my knowledge? And even if it had, wouldn’t it be completely unprofessional to proposition a coworker within earshot of an occupied stall?
The other person said nothing, so I can only assume that they gave the speaker the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was a Santa Claus “naughty/nice” reference and not a “I want to juggle your testicles with my tonsils” reference. Still, tis the season for double entendres so be careful when you’re throwing around phrases like “Where do you want the candy cane?” and “I would really love more stuffing.”
Speaking of double entendres, I heard some really good ones the other night:
On being surprised by steam from draining pasta- “That’s a great facial.”
On eating the heel of a piece of garlic bread- “I like the butt. I’ll take it.”
On the tastiness of the pasta sauce- “I’m all about the sausage.”
There were more, but alcohol and time have rendered them irretrievable.
