Darth asks: What about a list of actors that keeps you away from the theater, regardless of the interesting story, effects, explosions, or naked women?
This makes my life so much easier. I don’t even have to think of anything to write when I have friends like Darth who can focus my vastly important opinions into easily digestible blog posts. However, this is quite a doozy of a question.
For example, I could easily say that I wouldn’t want to see Tom Cruise in a movie because he’s a Scientologist douchebag who can’t really act except to be overly happy or withdrawn and pensive, but I still like to rot my brain from time to time with movies like Mission Impossible. In fact, I thought Collateral was quite good.
Then there’s people like Mel Gibson. I was tired of his overwrought self-torturing shtick back when he was doing the Lethal Weapon thing. Good grief did those movies suck. “Ha ha ha, I’m a crazy cop who can dislocate his shoulder for yucks AND to save the day. Bet you didn’t see that coming!” I can’t really think of a single Mel Gibson movie that I’ve actually liked. Yes, even Braveheart.
The same goes for Richard Gere. I should have kicked him to the curb permanently after Dr. T and the Women, but for some reason I watched The Mothman Prophecies, which also sucked. I mean, he’s a Buddhist, so that’s kind of cool. But he’s also a gerbil jammer. And that’s not cool.
Um, let’s see, who else? Oh! I’ll never see a teen dancing/urban youth type movie. You Got Served, You’ve Been Served Again, Don’t Forget That You Were Served A Third Time, Hey Who’s Doing All The Serving?, Where Can I Get Served Around Here?, or any of the other spinoff/clones are officially unwatchable to me. I really want to punch the faces of the youths that buy tickets for these movies. I realize that you buy a ticket for that, then go in and make out the whole time. Try this instead. Buy a ticket to a good movie, then sneak into the most recent high-school targeted crapfest and make out there. Then we wouldn’t be wondering how the hell Black Guy Dances With White Girl: Audience Learns Lessons on Race and Rhythm Part 5 makes 50 million dollars in the opening weekend. And seriously, if you’re going to see these movies and you’re NOT a high schooler looking to “lay pie to that ass”, stop. No, shut up. I don’t care. Just stop.
What about you? Who won’t you watch?
I was conflicted over Batman Begins because I lurve Christian Bale, but Katie Holmes makes my skin crawl…oh, and Anne Heche…don’t like her either.
Also, I would have added Samuel L. Jackson and Forrest Whitaker to my gotta see list.
I couldn’t agree more about Tom Cruise. Yeah, nice “accent” in Far and Away! Awful!!
For me, Keanu Reeves is a complete dealbreaker for me. No way in Hell would I see another movie with him in it… I keep expecting him to break out the Bill-and -Ted-surfer valley accent… My wife forced me to watch the Lake house. All I have to say is: Don’t do it! I would much rather try to chop a tree down with my face than watch another movie like that. Pitiful.
One name: Jennifer Lopez.
Julia Roberts.
1 actress.
700 teeth.
oh, any of those movies that has teen dancers. There’s a whole line of them. Usually the plot is two people meet at a dance school, fall in love and compete in a big dance competition. It was a good movie the first time around, ie. “Fame” or even “Save the last dance”, but the make about one flick a year with the same story line. It’s getting a little redundant.
Ben Stiller pisses me off. Now, I have seen movies that have him as a character that I’ve enjoyed (Mystery Men and The Royal Tenenbaums come to mind) I wouldn’t watch Dodgeball or any other movie where he’s the main star.
I wouldn’t watch any of those teenage ish PITA “actresses” like Lindsay Lohan or Paris Walking STD Hilton
Definitely Tom Cruise, I have no idea what the attraction is with him both physically and as an actor.
Keanu Reeves - he was good in the Matrix and passable in Dracula although I only love watching that movie over and over because of Gary Oldman - he’s so fabulous in it.
I have to go with Jim Carey. He’s been doing the same character since In Living Color and I hated him then too. He’s the only bad thing I blame the Wayan’s for.
unfortunately, i’m getting to this point with a whole slew of them because of the ridiculous media exposure. i just can’t believe them as anything but their narcisisstic selves.
but specifically, renee zellweger. can’t stand her.
DMC: for reals? Did you not see The Truman Show? Fantastic.
1. Tom Cruise
2. Melvyn Gibstein
3. J-Ho
4. John Travolta
5. Renee Zellweger
6. Minnie Driver
Yes I saw the Truman Show. That was the first time I was fooled by everyone and their “he doesn’t act like Jim Carey” explanaition. Great movie, ruined for me by the toned down “I’m a crazy guy” act.
But then again I think Mandy Moore is going to be the new Johnny Depp.
Oh Shit! I forgot Samuel L. and Forrest Whittaker. Those guys rule. And Gary Oldman too. He is definitely the shit.
Julia Roberts was bearable in Ocean’s 11 and 12.
J-Lo fucking rocked the house in Out of Sight, and she was pretty good in Anaconda too.
Travolta was good in Pulp Fiction. Not to mention Face/Off, Get Shorty, and Welcome Back Kotter.
Zellwegger and Driver I can take or leave. Though Renee Zellwegger was shit-terrible in that shitty shitfest with Tom Cruise. The “show me the money” movie. I can’t be bothered to remember the name.
And I agree that Jim Carrey can be tiresome, but he was HILARIOUS in Liar Liar.
I don’t know how anyone could hate Ben Stiller. He’s the Dean Martin for our generation’s Rat Pack.
Oh, and I’m also going to add here- anyone from the cast of Dawson’s Creek. They can all go right ahead and fuck themselves.
How exciting! Gary Oldman was the reason I saw Dracula 3 times… I was younger then.
Zellwegger and Driver are complete deal breakers for me. Ugh. Ugh. Double ugh.
Jessica Simpson
Tom Cruise (CANNOT STAND HIM)
Anyone who specializes in chick flicks, e.g. Hugh Grant.
I don’t think a good movie has been produced in 10 years. I avoid them all.
How the fuck has no one said Brendan Frasier yet? I don’t think the man even knows that actors can request scripts before agreeing to be in a film. Actually, I’m not even certain the man can even read.
A close second: Ben Affleck. Has he been spit out the bottom of the porn industry yet?
Minnie Driver in Grosse Pointe Blank?
Sharon Stone.
Renee Zellweggererer.
Pauly Shore.
Rob Schneider.
I’m sure there are more, but I’ve blocked them out.
Jim Carrey - He lost me at his yearly bid for an Oscar.
Nicole Kidman - Sorry, her forhead never moves and she’s always so bumme dout.
Jennifer Anniston - Get over it. He left you. You are needy and whiny and insecure. Your relationship with Vince was all a hoax.
Sharone Stone - Smug self important twat.
Any Desperate Housewife except Felicity Huffman.
Antonio Banders - What did you say? I can’t understand you!
Sean Penn - Another smug douche bag
Nicholas Cage (the sound of his voice makes me cringe)
Kathleen turner (not that she’s done anything in decades)
{so, I know I’m dating myself here, but can you IMAGINE how much
I hated “Peggy Sue Got Married”?!?!}
And I would have to say that these would still be on my list, even
if they hadn’t already been listed:
Jim Carey (EXCEPT for The Truman Show, one of my fave flicks)
(but otherwise I’d like to clock him and/or inject him with Lithium)
Renee Zellweger (open your EYES, for the love of Pete!)
Julia Roberts( I have sort of a weird love-hate thing with her. Can’t really stand her, but somehow end up seeing lots of her flicks.)
p.s. It’s Antonio Banderas, not Banders—and Jessica Simpson has been in the MOVIES?! Oy.
IF I weren’t married, I would throw myself into a pile of newborn kittens just to have the opportunity to SIT on Ben Stiller/Jim Carrey’s lap. Oh, did I say that outloud?
The thing about Gere is that he reminds me of someone I wasted two years of my life on, and so because of that reason PLUS The gerbil, I say torch him.
Now, if you told me to lie on my back and allow iguanas to crawl all over me just so CHRISTIAN OH MY GOD YOU ARE FABULOUS BALE would touch me, I’d say give the time, place and I’m there.
BUT I am married. I know. Universal sigh.
Now, back to me. I am updating the blog, so bear with me and the world will be graced with new pics, new look, and who knows? Maybe iguanas crawling on me….
I won’t watch any movie with Michael Moore in it.
Molly Ringwald
I’d say Chrissy Walken, but I tend to really enjoy the movies he’s in. Anything about cheerleaders or marching bands (where the band is the majority of the movie), just sucks the big one. And the kids from Napoleon Dynamite bore the living shit out of me.
Jennifer Lopez - You would, but everything she does is terrible.
Julia Roberts - Almost certainly a chick flick, and not a good one.
Richard Gere - The same as above
Patrick Swayze - Except for Donnie Darko, his actings bad and dancing does not mean you can fight.
David Caruso - AAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
I really like Jim Carrey, most of his funny films are funny (there are some bad ones) and he can actually act, The Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Liar Liar are excellent films.
Oh, don’t forget any REAL LIFE COUPLE who makes a film about TWO STRANGERS WHO FALL IN LOVE. The inevitable lack of on-screen chemistry is just painful to watch, as is the implication that we are supposed to nudge one another knowingly in the theater whispering “yeah, and they are a couple IN REAL LIFE TOO!” I’m pretty sure it died around the time of Hepburn/Tracey, or Hepburn/Bogart, or Cruise/Kilmer.
Nicholson and Pacino. They just play themselves and scream a lot.
Cruise and Kilmer? Is this an underground gay porn version of Top Gun?
it’s Cruise and KIDMAN.
These comments are funny enough just from the typos!
Lots in here I agree with. Some not. But as for a worthwhile Mel Gibson flick: “Payback”. He’s gruff and subdued, and there’s lots of cool violence.
I can’t believe no one’s said the obvious: Robin Williams. He hasn’t made a good movie in at least 10 years.
zenchick, that WAS a snarky top gun reference. :lol: Cruise and Kidman were really a couple? ew. All I know is that apparently Kubrick thought those two fucked up Eyes Wide Shut.
So glad to see Renee Zellwegger mentioned so many times. She makes my skin crawl. I also have to second (or third or fourth?) Nicole Kidman. Talk about overrated. Skipping “Cold Mountain” was pretty much a no-brainer. Just about any singer/rapper with no acting background starring in a film will keep me away (talking about you Britney, 50 Cent, Mariah, Mandy Moore). I must also include Katie Holmes and Andie MacDowell. Despite enjoying some movies that they’re in, I’ll generally avoid a movie as long as possible because of their presence.
Other than that, I can’t include Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton because the request was for a list of actors. Those two certainly do not qualify.