Darth asks: What about a list of actors that keeps you away from the theater, regardless of the interesting story, effects, explosions, or naked women?
This makes my life so much easier. I don’t even have to think of anything to write when I have friends like Darth who can focus my vastly important opinions into easily digestible blog posts. However, this is quite a doozy of a question.
For example, I could easily say that I wouldn’t want to see Tom Cruise in a movie because he’s a Scientologist douchebag who can’t really act except to be overly happy or withdrawn and pensive, but I still like to rot my brain from time to time with movies like Mission Impossible. In fact, I thought Collateral was quite good.
Then there’s people like Mel Gibson. I was tired of his overwrought self-torturing shtick back when he was doing the Lethal Weapon thing. Good grief did those movies suck. “Ha ha ha, I’m a crazy cop who can dislocate his shoulder for yucks AND to save the day. Bet you didn’t see that coming!” I can’t really think of a single Mel Gibson movie that I’ve actually liked. Yes, even Braveheart.
The same goes for Richard Gere. I should have kicked him to the curb permanently after Dr. T and the Women, but for some reason I watched The Mothman Prophecies, which also sucked. I mean, he’s a Buddhist, so that’s kind of cool. But he’s also a gerbil jammer. And that’s not cool.
Um, let’s see, who else? Oh! I’ll never see a teen dancing/urban youth type movie. You Got Served, You’ve Been Served Again, Don’t Forget That You Were Served A Third Time, Hey Who’s Doing All The Serving?, Where Can I Get Served Around Here?, or any of the other spinoff/clones are officially unwatchable to me. I really want to punch the faces of the youths that buy tickets for these movies. I realize that you buy a ticket for that, then go in and make out the whole time. Try this instead. Buy a ticket to a good movie, then sneak into the most recent high-school targeted crapfest and make out there. Then we wouldn’t be wondering how the hell Black Guy Dances With White Girl: Audience Learns Lessons on Race and Rhythm Part 5 makes 50 million dollars in the opening weekend. And seriously, if you’re going to see these movies and you’re NOT a high schooler looking to “lay pie to that ass”, stop. No, shut up. I don’t care. Just stop.
What about you? Who won’t you watch?
