Don’t worry, I won’t reveal any spoilers the magician did it. Ha! Did you see what I did there? I just put two sentence fragments together and because you’re a slave to the standards and practices of reading English from left to right and only stopping once you see a period I was able to dupe you with a brilliant ruse! You should see the look on your face right now. It’s hilarious. You are no match for my immense and exponentially more powerful brain. What a bunch of rubes! You just got pwned.
Anyway, anyone who knows anything about the movie The Prestige knows that it’s full of magicians and that I didn’t really give anything away up there. In fact, one of the best spoilers that I can think of, which isn’t even really a spoiler, is the fact that David Bowie plays Nikola Tesla! How fucking super-badass is that? Pretty super-fucking badass. Really pretty fucking super-fucking badass. I mean, David Bowie has to be looking at his resume going, “Yeah, okay, I’ve been a Warlock, I’ve been Pontius Pilate, I’m Ziggy Stardust, and I’ve appeared as myself dozens of times including Zoolander, Letterman, Conan O’Brien, and many others. What could I do to round out my work? I’ve got it! I’ll play Nikola Tesla in The Prestige.”
Speaking of which, that was the weirdest plot device in the damn movie. I’m still trying to figure why, exactly, the writers chose Tesla. They could have created any sort of fictional character to serve the same function, but instead they picked Tesla. And to have Bowie play him: it’s bizarre.
Which brings me to my next point (”Point?” you say to yourself, “Has he ever had a point? I thought it was all just the ramblings of lunatic chimpanzee with a genetically modified brain chained to a computer and kept alive with bananas laced with Reese’s Pieces and NyQuil.”), I will go to see the schlockiest piece of dreck that’s ever been made if specific actors are involved with the movie. Those actors include:
David Bowie
Steve Buscemi
Christopher Walken
Eddie Izzard
Jason Statham
Vinnie Jones
Kevin Smith
[ed. note from mokiejovis: I altered this list slightly to give one of the actors the attention he deserves]
There might be more, but I can’t think of them right now. Anyway, on to the review of The Prestige. It’s two hours long but it feels like four. I figured out the “twist” about halfway through, my wife’s sister figured it about about 20 minutes in. The denouement, or “explanation” as it’s come to be used in modern cinema for the dumb-dumbs among us, lasts for about 40 minutes. It was clear to all but those who died during the showing of the film what was going on, and yet it took forever for the director to wrap it up. But at least Bowie’s in it.
UPDATE: Jeezy creezy! How did I forget Bruce “Don’t Call Me Ash” muhfuhn Campbell? I’d watch him paint a wall.
It’s much better now.
thats a good list. what about a list of actors that (above list not withstanding) keeps you away from the theater, regardless of the interesting story, effects, explosions, or naked women? You don’t have to actually give their names if you are afraid to hurt their feelings. First on my list would the guy whose name sounds kinda like Com Truise, followed closely by Aen Baffleck and Aennifer Janiston.
It was clear to all but those who died during the showing of the film what was going on…
I missed you.
Christopher Walken is the Shiz-Nit!!!
Aside from the awesome Gabriel character in the Prophecy trilogy and the Evil Hessian in Sleepy Hollow, he is one funny Mo-Fo!!!
“I got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell!”
I can tell you why the writers did what they did.
“And to have Bowie play him: it’s bizarre”
Well, everything Bowie is in is bizarre. That’s just what you expect from him, which is why it’s gold.
Walken & BOWIE?
AND Christian BALE?
Good GOD………..*drool*
I know what happens, too, but I haven’t seen the movie yet!
(I read the book).
Dude, Tesla was the shit. Edison gets all the credit, but he was all “oh, direct current,” when the reality was that Tesla’s alternating current was where it was at.
Also, he had a death ray. AWESOME.
i’m still going to see it.
probably when it’s free on HBO.
Your list is good, however, incmplete….you forgot Kevin Spacey.
And boy has Izzard been in some terrible, terrible flicks. Looks cute in heels, though. This is tres important in a transvestite, you see.
Same here, esp. true of Statham.
Statham makes me want to be gay…gayer.
Dennis Hopper needs to be on your list, too.
Thanks for listing
my next baby daddyKevin Smith. I’d follow him around a mall to a theater and sit thru a chick flick if he asked, but he wouldn’t because he knows chick flicks suck donkey balls too.Don’t use my name in vain dad, and don’t call me jeezy chreezy either!
I’d see anything with Christian Bale in as well, although that’s a damn fine list. Bruce Campbell is awesome!
Walken is God’s gift to movie-goers. Thankfully, mokie caught your oversight and corrected your original editorial error.
I mostly approve of your list, although I would second Mr Spacey, but just to be a pretentious ass, I will also add Toshiro Mifune, because he fucking ruled.
Awesome subtitle, dude ;)
Our household recently discovered Eddie Izzard and we’ve stocked up on all his DVDs through Netflix.
Love me some Bruce, we own all his shit. :D
For some reason I really hate Christopher Walken. I don’t know why, I just do. Maybe it’s because mokiejovis likes him so much.
i think you had the Christopher Walken cowbell quote when I first came across your blog and demanded that we be blogfriends. That was 2 years ago! (weird)