These are the first two Jack O’ Lanterns I’ve made this year. On the left I was going for a Boo from Super Mario 3, and on the right I was going for Jason Voorhees. Jason takes about 30 seconds and two drill bits. Carving pumpkins is one of my favorite things to do during Halloween, and I have more ideas for pumpkins, so I think I’ll probably end up buying at least one more pumpkin to carve. How else am I supposed to glorify Satan on his birthday? You Catholics do nothing but complain when I murder your babies and deflower your virgins. Stop trying to take the “Hell” out of Halloween! This is a war on Halloween!
Mrs. ACW and I put in laminate flooring this past weekend (and when I say Mrs. ACW, I mean my brothers and my dad, and Mrs. ACW pretty much just stood around), but before we did, we had to tear up the old carpet. The impetus for the install was the reeking odor of cat pee in one corner. The cat of the previous owner apparently liked to use that corner (and every other corner, we found out once we pulled up the carpet) to relieve itself. It didn’t help that our cats wouldn’t stop scratching at it and stirring up the aroma. Once we got down to the plywood we found out that not only had the cat peed in that corner, but the horrible beast had vacated its bladder with the timing and frequency (not to mention volume) of Old Faithful. We estimated that there was about an eighth of an inch of dried urine in the corner. Considering how much the carpet and carpet padding must have absorbed, not to mention the how much liquid the plywood itself must have had to absorb before the urine could simply stand, set, and powderize, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the lady that lived here put her cat on a catheter that emptied into that spot alone.
At one point we had to trim back the floor in a few places after we had torn it up, and we were using a Sawzaw and Dremel to do the detail work. Let me just tell you that there is no other scent like a piece of plywood soaked with years of cat urine being friction heated and expelled into the air as a fine particulate. It’s like a punch in the god damned face.
Twelve hours later cat-pee corner was gone and we had new laminate flooring. And so help me, if I catch either one of those cats pissing anywhere on my new floor, I’m going to shove my foot up their asses and wear those little shits as slippers.
Hahahaha! That’s so funny about the cat. I mean, not for you, of course, but still.
We like carving pumpkins over at my house, too. We’ve already gone through six (two kids, one pumpkin each, for the last three weeks). Yikes.
The war on Halloween - brilliant! In other words, I’m stealing it. Pffffft.
Can it be called pumpkin ‘carving’ if you’re using drill bits? It is a good likeness though.
And the cat pee story is just - ugh- gross
“…I’m going to shove my foot up their asses and wear those little shits as slippers.” I laughed out loud! Classic!
I think I’m going to borrow the drill technique. Our landlady’s birthday is Halloween and she always buys the number of pumpkins that equals her age. This year she is turning 55.
She has a big party and everyone gets drunk and carves pumpkins until we are head-to-toe pumpkin pulp. Good times…
Sorry about the cat pee.
In the words of Geisha, you made me snort!
Speaking of de-flowering babies and peeing in corners, have you seen my clothes?
I bet those would be the CUUUUtest slippers ever, though they might not appreciate it…unless they swing that way
Oh my God that was funny - that made my laugh out loud. Almost snorted actually.
Okay okay, I did snort.
Um, yeah, I was there, I can attest. The stench was awful as it was, but bring in the dremel, and good lord, I couldn’t beat a path to the door fast enough. The floor looks really good now though. ACW has his own echo room.