1) A note from my wife, whom I’ll kindly refer to as “Sugartits” for this post, found on the counter this morning:
I am crammed with dirty dishes and loaded with soap. Please turn me on before you leave. -The Dishwasher
If you want my attention, Sugartits, all you have to do is ask.
2) You know those prison escape movies where the inmate manages to break-out because the architectural plans for the prison were laid out in detail of a circulating prison copy of Prison Diagrams Monthly? Or how the prison decides it’s a fine idea to have prisoners clean up the roadways around an airport? And you always think, “Man, that’s so stupid. That would never happen in real life.” Well, this morning, on my daily drive past the airport, I noticed that the State Highway Administration had partnered with the Department of Corrections to do some garbage clean-up around the airport.
If you’re having trouble figuring out what’s wrong with this picture, you may want to read this next part very slowly: The Department of Homeland Security will put a hairy, gloved, lube-less hand up your ass if you try to take water onto a plane, but they apparently pay no mind to two-dozen prisoners within spitting distance of the runways.
3) When I got out of the shower this morning, Sherlock and Wookie were laying on the toilet seat. Wookie was facing me, and Sherlock was facing the shower. Suddenly, Wookie spazzed out, rolled off the toilet in a hurricane of wide-eyes and fur, and ran out of the bathroom. I looked at Sherlock and said, “What the hell was that all abou…oooooOHHhHhH THAT’S HORRIBLE!” and I nearly threw-up as a combination of pork-rinds and rotten meat violated my nostrils without my consent. Sherlock seemed pleased with himself.
there you go begging for attention again :)
we had some pretty stellar dog barf in our house on sunday - one instance resembled an enchilada, no kiddin.
Cats Fart?
Oh, gawd, my Beagle used to do ones so bad the big dog ran away, but never had that happen with a cat.
I suggest leaving a reply note on your crotch that says “I am crammed with dirty thoughts and loaded with a substance. Please turn me on before you leave. - The Penis”
You feed your cats pork rinds?
i’d just like to remind you once again that sugartits is MY name.
it is.
j$- That’s so filthy, I just might have Taco Bell for lunch.
Lori- Yes, and it’s horrible.
Serra- It happens very infrequently around here, but when it does it makes me wonder what they got into because they eat the same thing every meal.
CBC- Ha ha ha! Awesome!
Phoenix- It’s weird, I don’t think they’ve eaten anything that is remotely similar to pork rinds.
Kendra- Whatever, Toffee-twat.
Cat farts are the WORST farts. It’s like they eat nothing but day old tuna and sour milk.
You can have them don gloves first?
I would love it if my husband called me sugartits.
He calls me candycunt…and that’s pretty generic.
sugartits is special!
CP.
Um…is your cat on the Atkins diet or something?
Toffee twat??? THAT’S priceless!
One time I actually heard my cat GRUNT and then the fumes bowled me over. Oy.
Kind of puts a twist on the old “blame the dog” ruse.
once.. i heard my dog let one rip.
it sounded like a whoopee cushion..
It’s been a long time since I had a “read at work and nearly choked on my drink had to think of an exuse why I am laughing at the internet and not working incredibly hard” moment but that story about Sherlock had me in stitches!
So was it a cat fart, hairball, or turd?
Where did the cat get the pork rinds and rotten meat? Don’t you feed him or is he one of those cats who, however much you give him, he will always root around in someone’s dustbin until he finds a tasty treat, like a day old rat.
My dog chundered up a fine decoction of macaroni&cheese, liver, and bacon last week.
And to think I was trying to buy his affection with people food. Think of how pleasant it is to have numerous full-on gags while bending down with a paper plate and a napkin, trying to wrestle the mucousy mess into submission. Add to that a pretty stellar hangover, and you have my Sunday morning.
He showed me.
dang, it appears that we could support a whole “pet emissions” blog here…
reminds me of the time my parakeet was sitting on my shoulder and sneezed… well maybe some other time…
One of the many reasons I don’t have cats.