1) I haven’t pooped in 3 days. This is a problem. Typically, I’m the type of person who pinches off a loaf every day at the same Bat-time on the same Bat-channel, and then sometimes again in the same day. However, something happened to my digestive system on Saturday, and since then my guts have been acting like the plugged-up plumbing in the bathtub of a hairy-backed Italian man (redundant, I know). In the past few days I’ve taken enough fiber to choke a donkey, and yet to no avail. I have also started weighing myself so as to get some sort of estimate on how much fecal matter is backing up in my system. So far it’s 7 pounds.
2) Yesterday I was dropping off some books at the Baltimore Book Thing, and I noticed that boxes of books were piled on top of the deposit box. Not being the sort of person to give my fellow human any sort of credit, or benefit of the doubt, I took the boxes off the top of the deposit bin and opened the lid to take a peek inside. The deposit bin was almost completely empty.
I hate people so much.
So I spent about 20 minutes unloading the boxes and putting them in the deposit bin, and just as I was about to finish, this woman rolls up and starts unloading bags of books next to the bin! Jiminy fucking Christmas- cricket on a motherfucking crutch! I can imagine the thought process of all you douchebags right now:
“You know, I would feel really good about getting rid of all these shitty books in my house. Maybe I’ll just dump them on the doorstep of the Bookthing and let them deal with it. Damn, I’m so awesome I’m going to masturbate TWICE later!”
3) Oh man, I just pooped! It’s too bad I don’t have a scale handy, because I’m pretty sure it was more than 7 pounds. Click here to see what was causing all the blockage.
God, you’re twisted.
I like that in a person.
Santa Claus made you constipated?
I’m a bit confused. The bear is your poop? Did you pass the grill, also?
I can’t believe I continued to eat my lunch while reading that entire post.
I’m getting more hearty in my old age.
Looks like the bear had a turtlehead pokin’ out. He walked like it was squidgy, too.
I get it. Apparently I’m the only one, but I get it.
I get jokes.
I was surprised I clicked on the link.
Things could be worse.
woh.
i’m rubbing off on people.
but three days? that’s nothing.
All right, wait a minute. You couldn’t poop because some bear left his grill at your house?
WTF?
Hey, what do bears grill anyways? Salmon burgers?
Is fish fat the constipation culprit?
I totally got the bear thing…
Ok, that’s a lie.
Is the bear supposed to be Kmart?
I’m afraid to click on that link.
Seriously though, congratulations on your wedding. We here wish you both the best.
Now about your poop. Again, we here wish you the best.
I stopped reading at 7 pounds of shit.
What is this bear of which these people speak? And why is he needing a grill.
Okay…
I lied. I saw the movie. I don’t get it…but if the bear represents your shit, I feel for you.
CP.
About the Book Thing, a lot of the time, they’ve told me just to leave them on the ground. In fact, if you saw a lot of GAO reports, they were probably mine.