1) I haven’t pooped in 3 days. This is a problem. Typically, I’m the type of person who pinches off a loaf every day at the same Bat-time on the same Bat-channel, and then sometimes again in the same day. However, something happened to my digestive system on Saturday, and since then my guts have been acting like the plugged-up plumbing in the bathtub of a hairy-backed Italian man (redundant, I know). In the past few days I’ve taken enough fiber to choke a donkey, and yet to no avail. I have also started weighing myself so as to get some sort of estimate on how much fecal matter is backing up in my system. So far it’s 7 pounds.
2) Yesterday I was dropping off some books at the Baltimore Book Thing, and I noticed that boxes of books were piled on top of the deposit box. Not being the sort of person to give my fellow human any sort of credit, or benefit of the doubt, I took the boxes off the top of the deposit bin and opened the lid to take a peek inside. The deposit bin was almost completely empty.
I hate people so much.
So I spent about 20 minutes unloading the boxes and putting them in the deposit bin, and just as I was about to finish, this woman rolls up and starts unloading bags of books next to the bin! Jiminy fucking Christmas- cricket on a motherfucking crutch! I can imagine the thought process of all you douchebags right now:
“You know, I would feel really good about getting rid of all these shitty books in my house. Maybe I’ll just dump them on the doorstep of the Bookthing and let them deal with it. Damn, I’m so awesome I’m going to masturbate TWICE later!”
3) Oh man, I just pooped! It’s too bad I don’t have a scale handy, because I’m pretty sure it was more than 7 pounds. Click here to see what was causing all the blockage.
