Yesterday I paid $25 to find out that I didn’t have cancer. I had a mole removed about 2 weeks ago, and at my follow-up appointment I was told the mole was benign. I guess I really don’t mind paying $25 to find out I don’t have cancer, considering the alternative. People who find out that they DO have cancer should not only NOT have to shell-out the co-pay for the insurance, but they also be given the following:
1 puppy, wiggly
1 kitten, squirmy
1 lifetime pass to the Old Country Buffet, dessert buffet included
1 fat wad of singles, for jukeboxes
1 fat wad of singles, for slot machines
1 fat wad of singles, for strippers
1 pound of cocaine, pure
1 “Get out of jail free” card, real
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I have to get my hair cut today. The last time I had my hair cut was like a train wreck. A train wreck where one train was carrying grease barrels, used condoms, and the collected flotsam mopped out of Oprah Winfrey’s bathroom; and the other train was carrying the world’s largest bucket of excreted peanuts and corn.
My hair is so frayed and poofy, it looks like somebody cut it with chicken tenders. I guess that’s what I get for going to the barber who runs his shop out of the trunk of his Buick LeSabre.
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I was so shocked by how many responses I got about my query for classical music that I’ve decided to try to challenge you all again. I’d like an mp3 of:
Hamish MacCunn- Overture: The Land of the Mountain and The Flood
First person to send me this one gets a special prize. And I’m not talking about the crappy cookies I normally send. I’m talking about a for reals type prize.
I’ll do you one better - Imported Wife’s dad decided he wanted the CD the song came on and ordered it. We should have it before the end of the month.
Did you remarry, Mokie? I thought she was the mail-order bride? :)
I got my hair cut yesterday. Felt great. I’m weighing in five pounds lighter, too.
That was $25 well spent my friend. My grandmother, her brother and her sister all died of skin cancer, and now my aunt and uncle are fighting it. Every new freckle I get is a reason to panic and run to the dermatologist. Freakin pale Teutonic skin, blue eyes and red hair…..
i don’t have any bach, how about some burt bacharach?
You need to buy the Flowbee. Just hook up to a vacuum cleaner and you got yourself a great haircut…all from the comfort of your home.
The guy I’d ask for stuff like this is in Alaska on a cruise with his wind ensemble, but after Sunday I could ask heem.
What you need is a spiffy electric shaver like I have for Hubs …that way you can throw around silly euphamisms.
Wait a second, that list of yours is totally bias towards MALES who find out they have cancer. Here, I’ll amend the list for FEMALES:
1 puppy that fits in the pocket of Mom jeans (not the big pocket, the MINI one)
1 Black American Express Card
1 Free date with Oprah Winfrey
1 amazing cheescake