For the past 2 days ACWF and I haven’t had internet access at home. At first I thought it was a regular type problem, so I jiggled all the cables, cords, and wires in their respective jacks but the stupid porn machine was still refusing to produce porn… I mean pay bills. Bills for porn.
Yesterday I finally broke down and called the cable internet people and got quite a character on the other end. Here’s a basic transcript of what followed:
Me: Okay, so now the computer is off and the modem is unplugged.
Guy: SUUp-ah! [This is how he said "Super!"]
Me: Uh…
Guy: Turn your computer back on please, and plug in the modem.
Me: Okay… It’s on… and the modem is plugged in.
Guy: Suuuupah.
Me: ….
Guy: Okay, now click on Internet Explorer and the world will be at your fingertips. [wtf?]
Humoring him, I opened IE, even though I use Firefox.
Me: Nope. Nothing.
Guy: Hmm… try going to Tools in the menu bar-
Me: No good. IE just froze.
(Just as a side note, that was the first time I’d used IE in about 2 years and it crashed almost immediately. Switch to Firefox. You’ll be glad you did.)
Guy: Froze? Oh. Not suuupah.
So we went through the resetting and setting of the computer and the modem, and he kept asking me to open IE; just before each try he’d say something like, “The world is your oyster” or “The internet is yours to harness” or “You have the power to control the internet, just like it was 2 for 1 lap-dance night at the Manhole”.
In the end (ha ha, “In the end”) Mokie had to come over. He discovered that one of the wires was plugged into the the wrong plug-hole on the internet-maker machine. What? I wouldn’t call him if I knew what the shit any of this stuff was supposed to do. Just like he wouldn’t call me if he realized that a gerund always functions as a fucking noun.
But at least now ACWF has her video-game box back.
Was his porn name Monkey Bangalore?
By the way, reading your last sentence, it occurs to me that Fuzzy Gamebox would be an appropriate internet porn star name.
you kids and your crazy gerunds.
you look different.
new hair?
You’re back! Suuuuuuuu-pah!
I just sent you an email. To the real place. I failed us.
PS - that new cartoon at the top right looks JUST LIKE YOU!!! :)
I like the new cartoon. Must be hard to drink without a mouth hole in the paper bag….can I offer you a straw?
Your new look is Suuupah!
Don’t forget the suuuupah porn!
Hey, now. Some of us can do both; to wit, managing our porn machines and gerunding our verbs. :)
I also think the new cartoon/avatar is… what’s the word I’m looking for? Hmmm, can’t quite come up with the perfect word to describe it. Oh well.
And your page is fixed too. It is a banner day in the ACW household.
Yeah, I discovered that the problem with the page in IE was simple IE-fucked-uppery in regards to IE’s shitty handling of the CSS box model. I modified the CSS a bit and now it works fine!
After a few Suuuuph’s I would have been giving him some Suuuuph’s right back. He probably doesn’t realize how it sounds to other people. Suuuuph!
For a few weeks a few weeks back, Firefox was completely fudged up on my computer…an update gone bad. I had absolute withdrawal from your blog, since it won’t run in IE! I finally did a restore point back to like, the day I got this damn laptop in March, and thank God, it works now, and I’m not ACW-less anymore. IE does NOT make the world your oyster.
I miss Homer! I LOVE Homer!
You forgot to put on your pirate hat in your new pic
I can’t quite place what sort of cretin-like accent SUPPAAH is.
I think you ought to be “hanging gum” in the new picture.
Awhile back we had some weird internet problems and on the phone with tech they asked me if I was using Firefox. And of course I said “yeah, people use other stuff still?” and they were like “oh, that causes problems (with logging into something on their end)”. Stupid people.
“Not suupaah.” Oh lord, I love it.
Wait. Aren’t you a computer guy?
I’m the computer guy.