1) I’m an idiot. After all the trouble we just had with Sears and our microwave, and their distinct lack of customer service, I used the brain in my pants instead of the brain in my head to make a decision.
What? No, I was talking about my wallet, not my penis. Are you some kind of pervert? I say, “brain in my pants” and all of a sudden you’re thinking about my junk? Sicko. Grow up.
Anyway, ACWF needed new tires, so we dumbly decided to get some from Sears, because they had H rated tires on sale. So I plugged in all of ACWF’s car’s information into the Sears Auto webiste, and it told me what sized tires I needed, so we took it to Sears, and I told the guy what the computer told me. He told us to come back in about 45 minutes for the car. So as we were wandering the mall, I got a call from the guy telling us to come back to the shop. It had been about 30 minutes, so I was hoping the car was ready. Ha ha.
When we got there the guy told us that the information that I had given him was wrong, and that he couldn’t put 14 inch tires on 15 inch rims. Well, of course not, but it’s not my fault that a) Sears website is completely retarded, and like their customer service, provides zero accurate information, and b) wouldn’t it have been smart for them to check and see that the tires that were going on were the same size as the tires that were coming off?
So the dumb-dumb tried to sell me some tires that cost 100 dollars more than the original tires, and said those 100-more tires were the only ones he had that would fit. So I told him to put the old tires back on the rims, and suddenly he managed to find another set of tires that would fit, but they would only be 50 dollars more. I was pissed, but ACWF needed new tires so we did it anyway.
I know it was dumb of me to assume that Sears could do one god-damned thing properly, so the next time I try to buy something at Sears, someone needs to beat me around the head with a sock full of quarters. It’s the only way I’ll learn.
(You’re still thinking about my dangly man-bits aren’t you?)
2) Did anybody notice that Bill O’Reilly recently had James Van Praagh on recently? Talk about a fucking departure from reality. In one corner we have hypocrite douchebag O’Reilly, and in another corner we have the lying shit-eater Van Praagh. It was so surreal that I could hardly belive my eyes. A consumate liar talking to another consumate liar, both of them acrobatically performing blow-jobs and reach-arounds on the other in attmept to make themselves look good. I’m glad I didn’t listen to the whole thing, or else my head may have exploded from the sheer magnitude of bullshit that was clearly flowing from their lips. If nothing else, this meeting proves to us that O’Reilly’s fans are idiots for being the same demographic that supports Van Praagh, and Van Praagh fan’s are assholes for being the types of douches who would turn on O’Reilly to see that shit-licking death-peddler.
3) On a lighter note, I just recently had a bizarre experience at a store the other day. I walked in and picked out a flower-girl dress that ACWF had pointed out on a previous occaision. The dress was put on sale later, and I was the only one available to pick it up, so I went, grabbed it, and took it up to the counter. While the woman behind the counter was ringing me up, I realized that I was a grown man, own his own, buying a tiny, little, frilly dress, and that situation probably looked a little suspect.
Making me feel even weirder was when the woman at the register asked, “Do you buy a lot of children’s clothes?” And I was like, “Oh, Jesus, she knows I’m a pedophile!” and then I was like, “Wait a minute! I’m not a pedophile, I’m just buying this dress for my cousin for the wedding.” So I told her that I didn’t really buy a lot of kids clothes. Then she kind of leaned in and looked at me and said, “Well, if you ever do decide you’ll be buying lots of kids clothes, just let me know, and we can get you signed up for the Kids Program, and we’ll mail you discounts on all types of kid’s clothes.” Then she winked and gave me the receipt.
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Why would I need lots of kids clothes? Why would she think I would need lots of kids clothes? Why did she wink? Was she a pedophile? Do I give off some sort of inaccurate pedohile vibe? Why did such a simple situation suddenly become so squicky?
P.S. You can stop thinking about my meat and potatoes now.
you realize that the internets will now bring you namblaa enthusiasts as well as the usual necrophiliacs.
good job.
(she obviously wanted to dress you up infanitlism style. booyah!)
So did that Van Praagh guy communicate with Bill’s deceased credibility? Oh wait, his credibility would have to have existed at some point for that to happen. My mistake.
Too bad you don’t have Discount Tires out there. They’ve always treated me very well.
If that lady had suddenly told you that you had a girl-face, that would have been the best story ever.
And just to clarify… I’m thinking about your man-junk right now. No, I don’t like doing it, and yes, it’s creeping me out.
does your man junk have an anonymous paper sack with a question mark on it over it’s head too? cuz that’s the image i got each time you mentioned your twig and berries.
As soon as you mentioned Bill O’Reilly, I stopped thinking about your junk. In fact, the only thing I could think about was subduing the murderous rage I feel every time I see or hear his name.
there was nothing in this post, including your own encouragement, that made me think of your, as you so eloquently call it, “meat and potatos.”
I did, however, narrowly escape a little tinkle in my pants with that last bit about the store clerk being a pedophile :-)
You always deliver. Well, almost always.
Yeah, I hate it when they get pedophilia mixed up with cross-dressing, too.
maybe she secretly makes little hand-puppets with little girl dresses and thinks you do too. its like a little girl hand puppet vibe you are giving off.
or maybe you just look fertile.
Whoa!
Hate Sears. They never, EVER get anything right, especially cars. If I ever go back there again, you can hit me with the same sock full o’quarters, K?
Re the dress thing…well you could have said it was for you!
Re your junk…like the others, did go there but zoomed out after reading O’Reilly’s name…ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Sears is shit! (Not THE shit…I mean like, a pile of shit.) I thought we agreed with you on that earlier! It seems like no one can ever work on a car in any way and keep it to the same price they quoted it at before coming in for service. They always find some way to screw you with your pants on. Sears is the worst…never go back!
And, um…ACW? I’m pretty sure there are a bunch of readers and commenters here who think about your “dangly man-bits” all the time.
I just realized that that sentence makes me sound about as much like I’m one of them as your buying the dress made you seem like a pedophile. Please don’t wink at me and offer a “club” for it.
I have a car with special hubcaps (need a tool to remove them). The tools (meaning the idiots) at Sears rippled off all 4 of my hubcaps with their bear paws, destroying ALL of them, to change my tires to snow tires. When I came back in to pick up my car they didn’t tell me anything happened, I walked out to the car and noticed for myself. I went back in and asked what happened and the manager behind the counter LAUGHED IN MY FACE and told me what happened.
$200 later and I have these stupid fucking Z Racer wheels on my car. Ugh. They make me sick. FUCKING ASSHOLES.
Hmmm, I did not stop thinking about your manhood until you said “squicky”
Then I giggled and decided to steal that word…:)
Coming to my blog very soon, “squicky”!
Thanks..
Jam
Perhaps she thought you dress up in the clothes yourself and have someone change your diaper and feed you a bottle.
I always have the worst luck getting tires. I used to have to take my parents car to get them and once I was there for 6 hours. I wanted to cut my own arm off for entertainment.
WEll thought I got over thoughts of man bits but now reading all these comments….