Our new cat WookieSo named because of the noises she makes in lieu of meows. ACWF and I went around and around with different names before settling on the perfect name. Being English nerds, ACWF and I are loathe to settle when it comes to naming things, so it took us quite some time to come up with Wookie.
ACWF had suggested “Clementine” and “Marzipan”, while I had suggested “Spatula” and the apropos, but political, “Dick Cheney Shot A 78 Year Old Man In The Face”. It was decided that name was hilarious, but too long.
Well before we got around to naming the cat, she was already starting to get along better with Sherlock. The growling and hissing had stopped completely, and they began to behave more like playmates, and less like warring Yakuza gang members. They went to a tractor pull, a taffy-strecthing demonstration, and they even got a little elective surgery together. Most of the time, however, they can be seen as they are below.
Yes, they sit and stare for hours out of the same window. They’re never content to look out their own window. No. They insist on sharing a window, and staring at nothing at all for hours on end. If I wasn’t so sure they were doing opium, I’d call them a couple of potheads.
Sherlock had been absolutely great for this entire ordeal, so when we thought about how to reward him for his good behavior, we did what any responsible pet-loving, cat-owners would do. We sent him to the vet for a series of painful and unnecessary inoculations! I’m just kidding. We actually bought him a twelve-pack of beer.
He jumped right in and was done with two beers in the time it takes most people to put their pants back on when they hear their significant other’s parents coming down the steps into the basement. He was done 6 or 7 more beers in another half hour or so, and though we told him he could just sleep in his regular bed, he passed out in the beer box anyway. While he was blacked out, Wookie emptied his wallet of cash, used his calling card to prank-call Japan (which was admittedly funny the first time, but around the 8th call “Hey, Japan? Meow? Got any sushi? He he he he!” got to be pretty boring, and irritating.) and charged about $3000 worth of phone sex on his credit cards. Even I didn’t know that 1-800-GOAT-NUT existed. So much for them being best buds. Apparently Wookie, like all women, was only after Sherlock’s cash, and cared little, if at all, for his feelings.
Sherlock awoke a few hours later, drunkenly stumbled over to a potted plant next to his litter box to relive himself, vomited on the floor while taking a dump, and then sauntered over to Wookie and made like Canadian Federal Police Officer.
Sherlock pretends to be a Mountie
Wookie, lucky for us, was in heat, so she was all about the fumbling and uncoordinated humping experience, but unfortunately for the both of them, Sherlock hasn’t had the proper equipment for a few months, after having suffered the unkindest cut shortly after we got him.
Since then they’ve been spending a lot of time recently acting out the same frustrated scene. Wookie throws her butt up in Sherlock’s face, Sherlock tackles Wookie, Wookie ululates in anticipation, Sherlock wrestles with her like a pre-pubescent schoolboy during gym class, Wookie calls Sherlock a “castrated retard with all the sexual knowledge of a herd of eunuchs” and Sherlock looks at her dumbly and says, “What? You don’t want to wrestle? Fine, I’ll take my functionless though temporarily satisfying non-penis and go elsewhere.”
And then the fun starts all over again.
You can totally tell Wookie’s faking in that picture.
Welcome back. I know it was only two days, but it still felt weird.
well.. let me first say oh holy crap you’re a pervert.
and secondly. oh holy crap those are damn cute kitties.
thirdly… oh holy crap you are so a chick for posting so many cute whoreing cat pictures.
that’s all.
Sheer comedy styling perfection.
Now I’m really wishing I’d named my dog “White House Aide Claude Allen Steals Shit from Target.”
what better way to come back than with stories of feline sex? At least that explains why you were gone so long.
I wonder if Sherlock feels more like a REAL male because he still remembers what he’s supposed to do should he encounter a female in heat as opposed to having never known and just looking at poor Wookie gyrating all up in his grill and doing nothing while thinking “yes, you have a pink bumbum hole, great, nice, thank you”.
Hmmm.
Isn’t there a lot of cat screeching associated with cat sex? Or is that just me?
I cannot believe you have turned into one of those bloggers who post about their cats all the time. For shame, ACW. For shame.
you should get her spayed soon before she goes all crazy-like.
trust me, no one did that for me, and just look at me now.
Cat sex. Cat pictures. Cats that drink beer. Can’t get much better than this!
The cats look flat in the picture with the beer box…I was scared.
It’s so heartwarming when two cats who previously disliked each other so strongly can enjoy a night out at the tractor pull together.
Don’t listen to them, ACW. Feline porn isn’t just for girls.
you’ve turned into a kitty blogger…
i’ll forgive you for it, though. because you still worked animals mating into it.
CBK- Oh, she’s not faking. You can tell by the howling.
Wendykat- You’re just jealous because you want to love them, and squeeze them, and call them George.
Jess- Ha ha! What an awesome dog name!
Patti- “Pink bumbum hole”? For some reason I find that phrasing EXTREMELY weird.
DL- Actually, it sounds a lot like a person talking, and mostly saying, “Owwo?”
BJB- You’re just mad because I haven’t called you a whore in so long.
Kendra- Yes, historectomies all around!
KC- Darn tootin’.
Scarlet- Don’t worry. It was only Sherlock that was flat.
Jen- … and then come home and have a tractor pull of their own kind.
tfg- I know, eebmore loves it.
MIL- I’m not a ktty blogger, not yet. Not until I post stories about how “they just did the cutest thing this morning” and then go on for paragraph after paragraph before ending with, “but I guess you had to be there.”
You are so funny. You just made my day.
Absolutely adorable! Sherlock reminds me of “Trick.” Which is what I named the neighborhood whore cat that can be found in the undermount position under cars and on top of cars EVERYWHERE in sight of my front door on any given morning.
She must really have a name. And an ownder. But she also answers to “Cheap Ass Trick.” Which we’ve shortened.
SEE?! I told you this would happen! Thank goodness Sherlock doesn’t have his equipment anymore, or you’d have a slight problem. :) Wookie is adorable! I love the picture of them sitting by the window. It looks like they’re in love (also evidenced by the attempted cat sex)…I’d glad they could enjoy a tractor pull and taffy-stretching together, both phrases, by the way, strange and possible euphemisms for sex. Great post, but please don’t turn into the kitty blogger described in a previous comment. I don’t think we could stand it.
dude, only you would find link to a wookie sound. Like, the actual sound.
Brilliant.
It’s like cat porn…wookie sounds and beer.
The last three pictures are an uncomfortable deja vu.
Wow I needed that laugh, thanks man.
You can’t blame Sherlock though, can you? I mean look at the way Wookie is all sexy and stretched out in that first picture. She was asking for it.
Wookie is the same nickname I have for Tarzan because he’s so freakin’ hairy.
Obviously, that doesn’t deter his admirers. Our neighbor’s dog loves when he wears shorts. He licks Tarzan’s hairy legs like a salt lick.
I don’t see how he does it. I tried it once and I couldn’t get through the hair to the skin.
The cat penis is a deadly weapon. Never understood what all the howling was about during kitty coitus until I read about the spiked nature of the feline member. Yowser!
Wookie’s an adorakitty, but oh Dog, what a SLUT!
You fucking kitty blogger.
(Can I come over and torture — I mean, play with — your cats?)
“pink bumbum hole” is about as weird as blogging about your kitties. :-D
OMG it’s kitty porn.