Last night I got a call from a survey group and they wanted to know if I wanted to participate in a survey about NASCAR. I figured, “why the hell not?” so I said sure.
The lady launched into a series of questions about my demographics (age, marital status, children, etc) and then questions about NASCAR and NASCAR related bidness. Some of it was weird, like, “How much money would you say you spent per week at any of the the following restaurants: Hard Rock Cafe, Rainforest Cafe, Planet Hollywood, ESPN Zone, etc.?” Of course, for all my answers I put myself right in the middle of the road, and tried to sound as average as possible. I figured that they’d want more info about an “average” guy then they’d want from a raving NASCAR lunatic, which I am not, or a person who ignores NASCAR because not only is it not a sport, it’s not a particularly difficult event, which is what I might scream out at the end of the focus group next week.
But the best part is, it’s in Little Italy, and I think we’re getting fed, and for an hour and a half of my time I get to bullshit about NASCAR, skew their survey results, and get paid 100 smackers.
That’s right. I’m getting paid a hundred bucks to ruin their data, and monkey with whatever marketing plan they’re trying to come up with. Plus, I might stab somebody, but I haven’t figured that part out yet, so I may just leave it at the ruining of data.
I bet you suckers wished you could get paid an hundred bucks to be a douchebag for an hour.
Wear a suit, it’ll confuse the hell out of them.
My brother’s family is giving you the evil eye right now. They’re hardcore.
And, I shit you not, my nephew graduated from the NASCAR certified college in Virginia. He is certified to be a NASCAR mechanic.
Of ALL the people in the world, perhaps you and my brother are the last demographic on EARTH, that this group wants to deal with! It’s like Pat Robertson calling you and asking you to be part of a focus group on mega churches - only better! Better get working on your beer belly and growing that mullet.
I get paid more then a hundred bucks to be a douchebag all day, every day. It even says “douchebag” on my biz cards.
Your telemarketing call sounds much more interesting than the one I got last week from DOVE. They asked me if I agreed that TV was too violent for children to watch. I said “no” and they hung up. Guess we weren’t on the same wavelength. I wouldn’t be on the same wavelength with Nascar either. Have fun. Cause trouble!
no way - focus groups is the easiest money ever. Hardest thing about working in advertising is no no longer qualifying to sit on the other side of that 1-way mirror.
Have fun!
I say wear a full NASCAR jumpsuit, complete with sponsor patches, a baseball cap with a big “3″ on it, cheesy Dale Earnhardt sunglasses, and a big, bushy, fake mustache. Sit quietly during the whole presentation, and at the end get up, shake your head disapprovingly at everyone and say “Jesus H. Christ, you people need to get a life!”
the mind boggles…i think you should prepare a whole rant about how NASA fucked up the space shuttle program, how we need private investment in space travel, how the moon landing was probably faked, and…when they gently correct you and tell you its NASCAR, say..”who gives a shit about that?”
these are all briliiant ideas.
i think you should try to work all of them in. this may require “multiple personalities,” but i think you an pull it off.
take pictures.
I got paid $100 last week to sit and watch deposition videos and tell the lawyers what I thought of the people…that was highly entertaining.
And they didn’t feed us much but those cookies from the blue tin. I was unhappy.
Eat some lasagne and piss off some mokes for me, won’t you? :)
Why do you mock NASCAR so? Everyone knows its the NEW American pastime…
…for married cousins and their snot nosed, mouth-breathing children.
That is my vision of hell, being surrounded by NASCAR fans and being forced to talk about it. Tell them you think Dale was assasinated and NASCAR covered it up, that should get them all going.
If you enjoy this type of thing you should become a McCormick taster. Tthey think I spend $100 a week in the frozen food aisle, I am a SAHM and have 5 hungry kids. The extra money I get from taste testing their crap comes in handy.
I was just going to say how much I envy you, but CBK’s suggestion is pure fucking genius. I got nothin.’
Even is you don’t get fed, you will get your 100 smackers. It has been a while since I did any surveys. They can be fun at times.
Better yet, argue vehemently that Dale’s car should be unretired and driven by NASCAR’s first black driver.