Yes, you filthy perverts, I am still experimenting with nog (much to Nancy Reagan’s chagrin), and frankly, it’s starting to make me feel a little squishy. Nauseous and squishy. And my sweat tastes like nutmeg. A my nipples have started leaking a nog-like substance. What? I had to taste it.
Anyway, this may not even count as an adventure in nog, except it’s a remarkably nog-like beverage that is sold in stores only once a year and it’s kept near the nog. And it has all the same ingredients as nog. No, it’s not a bacon-smoothie. It’s Colonial Custard!
What is Colonial Custard? Apparently it’s a Southern Holiday tradition.
I had absolutely no idea of what to expect with this nog-like beverage. Would it be horrid? Would it be delicious? Would it be thick like tapioca pudding with a flavor like David Hasselhoff? Would it give me the firmness and length my wife desires? Would it be lumpy and semi-sentient? Who knows?! This is what I do for you people.
I popped that sucker open and poured myself a glass, not failing to notice that it’s color and texture looked exactly like nog. I took a sip, and something strange happened. My throat closed up and my eyes bugged out and my guts exploded and my breakfast of Fruity Pebbles and sausages spilled out, half-chewed, onto the floor!
I’m just kidding. What actually happened was that I had an extremely visceral mental reaction to the custard. I said to ACWF, “This tastes how I remember nog tasting when I was little.” It’s like it was more “real” than other nog. It was noggier… somehow. It’s like when McDonalds brought back the McRib sandwich and you thought, “Hey, McRib! I loved those things when I was a kid!” and then you went to McDonald’s with your friend and you each got two because you knew they were going to be awesome and after your first bite you’re trying to figure out onto which family to spray your mouthful of half-chewed McFilth… except the opposite of that. Imagine if the McRib was exactly as you had remembered. That’s what the Colonial Custard was like.
I’m not sure about Colonial Custard being a “southern tradition,” because the only southern traditions I know about are thinking the Civil War is still being fought and cousin-humping (with some occasional pig-humping, cow-humping, and chicken-humping to break up the monotony), but I do know that Colonial Custard can be quite refreshing after a long day of trying to chase down relatives to have sex with.
it sounds vile.
just like you. i hope you have a long and beautiful life together.
tell acwf she’s welcome at my house.
I think the Southerners prefer to call it the “War of Northern Agression,” actually.
Keep going with this little experiment, I actually basing my nog purchase for this holiday on you. So I’m counting on ya! No pressure.
Hey - don’t diss The Hoff.
wow. and how is it you haven’t clogged your arteries just yet with this nog-a-day habit you have going?
Someone else did their homework, too:
http://nymetro.com/nymetro/food/features/15293/
Happy Noggin’!
It looks like I will have to try the Colonial Custard. If you like it, it must be somewhat good. Keep on nogging , er I mean truckin brother.
Now you have to explore the wonderful world of the chem-shake…ala nog. I think Mickey D’s has ‘em.
Sometimes I like to slide into bed next to sal, nudge her and say “Time for a little colonial custard…”
Then I like to sleep downstairs on the couch. For the rest of the week.
ha! I can’t believe you just told MY mcrib story!
too funny.
Man the things I’m learning hanging about this place. All these years I thought Egg Nog was but a holiday-specific emetic.
It can be said though, that I’m not a thorough reader, as my first skim of this entry lead me to believe that your Hick Nogg tasted like those StyroFoam 2nd-generation McRibs I hate so good.
Oh and, one more thing: Who’s the comedian that named the worst line of generic food products on the eastern seaboard “Richfood” ? Seriously, I’m thinking about a class action.
i tried some eggnog icecream last night from this great icecream parlor (so damn good) but they actually had the highest amount of rum (?) allowed in icecream… it was good, but i have a hard time drinking spiked eggnog in general so the ice cream with loads of booze was not gonna cut it… so i got cinnamon rice pudding icecream instead.
it tasted more like eggnog without the hangover. mmmmm.
If you haven’t done so already - High’s Dairy Store’s sells the best damned egg nog in Baltimore. Call ahead and make sure they have some in stock - I had to go to Harford County to get enough for my xmas party. Also its best when spiked with some good bourbon.