AnonymousCoworker

There’s no way to go about this other than just diving right in, so…

From CBK: Have you ever tried cocaine?
How do you think I keep this blog going? Idle hours and a joy of writing? Nope. It’s never been offered to me, and it’s one of those drugs that always terrified me.

Have you and ACWF ever had a threesome with someone else?
Well, it depends on what your definition of “threesome” is. If you mean the two of us having sex with another person, the answer is no. If you meant something else, the answer is still no.

Have you ever hit a domesticated animal/pet while driving a car?
Um, I don’t think so. The only animal I can actually recall hitting would be a squirrel, and they’re pretty much rats with furry tails, (which reminds me, I used to go out of my way to try to hit the rats in Baltimore City) so no one would care anyway.

What personal habit of ACWF’s do you find repulsive?
I don’t think she has any habits that I find repulsive, except that she refuses to wash her hands after she goes to the bathroom.

I’m just kidding. There’s really nothing she does that I find repulsive, but it drives me freaking bonkers that she can’t squeeze the toothpaste from the tube in such a way that she doesn’t send half the toothpaste to the ass end of the tube. Is it really that hard, woman? Is it!?

Why haven’t you voted for Miss World on my blog yet?
I did. I voted for Mexico. Have a little patience, sheesh. Everyone else should go vote too.

From Manica: What’s your favourite colour?
That’s a tough one. I really like cobalt blue, but there’s beauty also in black, crimson, and gold as well.

How old are you?
25

Do you prefer cats or dogs?
I think I prefer cats, because cats are a little bit less “gamey” than dogs. Plus you can find more recipes for them. Cats are easier to take care of. It only took one day to train Sherlock not to crap on the floor or pee in his food.

Do you really want to have sex with me? Admit it, I know you do.
In a different world at a different time I’d probably have sex with lots of people, but ACWF is the only one now.

From Kendra: what does your “o” face look like? (this question should be answered in msn paint format)
Okay.

what do you think of me?
I think you’re funny, friendly, and seem like a pretty cool chick. Definitely a blogger I’d like to meet.

how did you know you wanted to marry acwf?
I knew I wanted to marry ACWF because she made my heart go pitter pat, and it was as if angels were singing every time she came around. Everybody done vomiting a little in their mouths? Good. Seriously, I knew I wanted to marry ACWF for a few simple and fairly superficial reasons. 1) I found her attractive and she was a dynamo in the sack. 2) She liked to have fun and wasn’t afraid to look like a goofball doing so. 3) She liked horror movies, Adult Swim, and Calvin and Hobbes. 4) She cracks me up.

if mariah carey and paris hilton were having a duel, who would you want to win?
Well, I’d really hope that both died, but I guess if I had to choose one to win, it would be Paris, becuase at least she doesn’t sing.

From Bliss: What’s the capital of Zimbabwe?
Google says… I mean- I already knew the capital was Harare.

Nog – nutmeg, or brandy?
Oooh. Good one. Um, it really depends on the situation, but most of the time I’ll actually choose nutmeg.

Do you agree or disagree that stochastic modeling provides an appropriate mathmatical basis to determine population growth rates, especially in developing Malthusian populations?
Um, I think uh, that, um, uh when considering elements of stochastic modeling with regard to population growth rates one has to consider whether or not Markov chains and processes are being utilized and applied correctly, which may not even matter when realizing that Malthusian population theory has been generally dismissed for its pessimism and failure to take into account technological advances in agriculture and food production.

And, most importantly, When I die, do I have to put a lock on my casket to keep you out?
The lock is only going to slow me down, baby.

From the Lorider: what color is your tongue?
Lemme check. … Oh sweet merciful crap it’s green! Oh what does this mean? Am I dying, or have I just had too many eggnogs with green food dye? … So, yeah, it’s pink. Pinkish. Kind of a pink-y type color.

how many words per minute do you type?
With my robot hand, it’s about 2000. Very lamely, with my human hand, it’s only about 56 words per minute.

on a scale of 2-14,(14 being most concerned) how concerend are you with correct spelling?
Well, it depends, really. If we’re talking about information being distributed by a professional agency, 14. If we’re talking about an instant message between friends, maybe a 7. Nothing below a 7 though, because we need to spell things correctly most of the time in order to communicate effectively. You can’t just drop numbers out of an equation and expect to get the same result, and you can’t just drop letters out of a word and expect everyone to understand either.

how many childhood friends are you still in touch with (please round to the nearest prime number)?
This depends on what you mean by childhood, and what you mean by still in touch with. I’m in close contact with 1 person that I’d consider a childhood friend, and close to marginal contact with 3 people I would consider childhood friends. And 3 is prime, so my answer is three.

do you believe in god? and what was your religious upbringing?
I don’t belive in god, God, gods, or goddesses. I was brought up Catholic, and at first it was fine. Then I started having problems with the institution of the Church. Then I started having problems with the religion itself. Then I started having problems with all religions. I went from Theistic Agnosticism, to Agnosticism, to Atheism over the course of a few years after that. I’ve been an atheist for about 5 years.

From Deanne: Uhhh crap – I hate thinking of questions. I’ll ask you a question I got asked – what one person has had the most influence on your life?
Many people have influenced my life in positive and negative ways, but if I have to name one person that had the perfect amount of influence, I’d have to name Bob Marley. Though I never met the guy, I first heard his music when I was on a two-week backpacking trip in New Mexico. I was 15 years old, and I had never been on a plane, and I had never really left my home state. Through a couple of interesting coincidences, I was able to listen to Bob Marley when there should have been no radios or stereos for miles. These snatches of music, coupled with days on end of being able to lock myself inside my own brain while we were hiking completely changed me as a person. I was an angry kid with low self-esteem and horrific problem with the truth. When I came home from the trip I had mellowed out, opened my mind to new ideas, and changed the way I looked at the world. I became more self assured, and I started thinking positively. I can’t convey enough how that trip helped move me from a place of darkness and hatred to a place of happiness and contentment. Because of that, I have to give the influence to Bob Marley.

AND

Whats the meanest thing you’ve ever done?
I think the meanest thing I’ve ever done was blow off my friend Megan. In the summer after I returned from New Mexico I was suddenly being noticed by the ladies. Probably because I wasn’t hiding under my own personal raincloud any longer. Anyway, that summer I was noticed by three (3!) young women all at the same time. Their names were Megan, Megan, and Megan. I shit you not.
For clarity, let’s call them Devil Megan (my ex-girlfriend), Megan, and Pool Megan.
Pool Megan was nice, and friends with Megan, who was also nice, but Pool Megan knew that Megan liked me, so Pool Megan backed off, even though she made it clear that she would be happy to get to know me better. While I was becoming closer to Megan, Devil Megan entered the scene (through a different circle of friends) and pretty much did everything she could to make me her boyfriend. She was sexually aggressive, which was cool being that I was 16 years old, but she was also manipulative, and emotionally wacko. I probably deserved this for leading my friend Megan along. The whole time my relationship was beginning with Devil Megan, I never told Megan about Devil Megan. Megan was clearly under the impression that I was still available, and I’d let her get close, and then I’d make it look like I wasn’t interested. I was such a douchebag. I deserved most of the shitty treatment Devil Megan dished out, I guess, because Devil Megan was as manipulative with me as I was with Megan.

From babblingdweeb: How many licks does it take to get to the center of…

• tootsie roll pop- I did this once when I was 12. It took 215 licks until I reached tootsie roll, and about 300 more licks to completely remove all traces of candy around the tootsie roll center.
• VW bug- Just one if your tongue is strong enough, long enough, and if you get it under the door handle just right.
• Earth- If you started at the Marianas trench, it would probably take a few hojillion less licks than if you started at sea level, or ugh, New Jersey.
• Disease Control- Two, but one of those licks is going to get you the clap.

Part two, soon.