Okay. I’m stealing from Deanne. She’s asking people to ask her questions, and now I’m going to ask people to ask me questions. I think it would be fun to answer them all.
Here are the rules:
1) You do not talk about Fight Club
2) You can ask me anything you want. Don’t hesitate because your question might be in poor taste, or because it might piss me off, or it might be too simple, or it might be something I’ve already blogged about. Ask anything.
3) I won’t be able to tell you anything about my real name, where I live, where I work, or what I do for a living. Creative questions trying to get around this rule will be creatively answered.
4) I’ll post all my answers on Monday. That’s not really a rule. It’s just some logistical information.
5) You can ask as many questions as you would like.
6) You can ask questions anonymously, if you like.
UPDATE Rule 7) I just posted a blog about fish below this one.
UPDATE Rule 8) Holy crap! You people really have some serious issues, but I will answer all of your questions, as promised. I may have to break this whole thing up into parts based on the number of questions alone, so if we don’t get to your question on Monday, we’ll get to it on Tuesday.
Have you ever tried cocaine?
Have you and ACWF ever had a threesome with someone else?
Have you ever hit a domesticated animal/pet while driving a car?
What personal habit of ACWF’s do you find repulsive?
Why haven’t you voted for Miss World on my blog yet?
And CBK comes out like gangbusters. Damn.
What’s your favourite colour?
How old are you?
Do you prefer cats or dogs?
Do you really want to have sex with me? Admit it, I know you do.
what does your “o” face look like? (this question should be answered in msn paint format)
what do you think of me?
how did you know you wanted to marry acwf?
if mariah carey and paris hilton were having a duel, who would you want to win?
What’s the capital of Zimbabwe?
Nog - nutmeg, or brandy?
Do you agree or disagree that stochastic modeling provides an appropriate mathmatical basis to determine population growth rates, especially in developing Malthusian populations?
And, most importantly,
When I die, do I have to put a lock on my casket to keep you out?
what color is your tongue?
how many words per minute do you type?
on a scale of 2-14,(14 being most concerned) how concerend are you with correct spelling?
how many childhood friends are you still in touch with (please round to the nearest prime number)?
do you believe in god? and what was your religious upbringing?
Uhhh crap - I hate thinking of questions. I’ll ask you a question I got asked - what one person has had the most influence on your life?
AND
Whats the meanest thing you’ve ever done?
(HA!)
How many licks does it take to get to the center of…
- tootsie roll pop
- VW bug
- Earth
- Disease Control
Awesome questions. Some good, some great, and some hysterical.
And some kinda lame and boring. I’m looking at you Deanne. ;)
How did you and ACWF meet?
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
What was the last dream you had?
Have you ever been to a psychic?
How boring would you rate these questions?
do think posts are funnier if you keep updated them and adding them to “rule” formats?
What would your dream job be (nothing to do with yours now, unless you’re working your dream job…)?
Who is your favorite literary character and why?
Name three places (besides Scotland) you want to travel to.
would you ever let acwf stick her finger in your butt?
will you be having old people sex?
am i going to get married by elvis this weekend?
when will you pay up on the child support you owe me?
did you get the hat yet in the mail?
why do wheat tortillias smell like diseased feet but taste good?
how do you say “necrophilia” in esperanto?
Kendra, I’ve met ACW a few times, and I can tell you that he’s permanently stuck in “O” face. It’s fucking creepy.
Okay, my questions:
Sex with:
a) The steaming corpse of a heavily perforated boneless baboon
b) The dismembered anus of a sperm whale filled with lukewarm tapioca
c) Both at once
Please explain your decision.
If you had to die by drowning in a substance of your choice, what substance would it be?
If you were in prison, and were about to be gang-raped by a group of heavily muscled and tattooed white supremacists, and you could specify ONE bodily orifice that would NOT be violated, which would you pick?
Have you ever eaten a booger? If so, who’s nose did it come from?
Are you noisy or quiet in bed?
How many times a week do you masturbate?
The simpsons? Futurama? or Family guy?
If you won the lottery for 100 million dollars after taxes, what are some of the things would you do with it?
What is in the water that puts out fires?
why is everyone so interested in your sex life?
what’s the biggest number of grapes you’ve shoved in your mouth to look like a chipmunk?
have you ever flooded a friends/date/boss/person you’re trying desperately not to be humiliated in front of/s toilet?
If you were to roll over in the morning to find me, in all my buff, slobbery, naked glory, what would you make me for breakfast?
Would you prepare my busicuts and gravy with a side of over-easy eggs flanked with two sausage links, half of grapefruit and a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice, no pulp? That’s what I thought.
What is your favorite color?
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Why do fools fall in love?
How can you mend a broken heart?
The revolution has come. Your comrades grant you six bullets. Which six people do you line up against the wall? But why?
When was the last time you broke something that didn’t belong to you and pretended it wasn’t you? Details too!
You are going to die tomorrow. What will you make sure you do on your last day?
oh god!
these are good questions!
I just cant wait for your answers!!
My Q??
would u ever sleep with me?
no really.
Q. give me 5 reasons to erase, kill, murder, vaporize, shoot… well u got my point(each):
1.Madonna
2.britney
3.Babs Walters.
4.G.W.BUSH
are you an organ donor?
What is the meaning of MY life?
How is it that you ended up with such good questions?
And why am I jealous?
Answers on a postcard.
Holy moly these questions are hysterical. Mine are more on the boring end.
Would you and ACWF consider getting Sherlock a kitty friend?
What’s your take on organized religion?
Do you have a favorite movie?
Ok, wow - don’t think I’ll ever be opening myself up to questions from the audience! looking forward to the answers!
Have you ever cut your own hair? What were the results?
What album are you afraid to admit you own?
Do you play any musical instuments?
Does this look infected?
Are you willing to admit that the unfinished, carpetless spot on the floor between your kitchen and livingroom will go forever unfinished?
What’s better against zombies (my son asked me to ask you this- it’s true): a field hockey stick, a cricket bat or a [wooden] baseball bat?
Have you ever fallen asleep during a movie (not at home)?
Do you read the directions first or just dive into putting things together?
Can you sew on a button and hem/repair your own jeans?
if you and the lovely ACWF do consider taking a kitty friend for Sherlock (see Glitzy above) would you consider taking Lilly (one of my 9)?
Why do people say “dry run”? And, why is there no corresponding “wet run”?
I’d like to add chiansaw to Neckbones question about Zombies.
Some other questions, I was interrupted before since I do all this while at work:
Lights on or lights off?
What is your favoriate book?
Why do cats always land on their feet?
You’ve been out drinking last night and you feel really rough. What do you do to make yourself feel better?
Masturbation:
“Fun for the whole family,” or “Not just for breakfast anymore?”
Speaking of masturbation, if you were (ahem) jerkin’ it, and you had to fantasize about one of the Golden Girls, which one would you choose and why?
Finally, if you were forced to kill one member of your immediate family, who would get the axe?
This is the best idea ever. Everybody’s coming up with great questions.
You people are freaking nuts. The answers are going to have to be split into four or five parts. Sheesh!
It’s just like McDonalds. I’m lovin’ it.
Except I hate McDonalds.
This is a great idea. Here are two:
1. What is the greatest compliment you have ever received?
2. If you imagined yourself as a pirate on a tiny boat in a glass bottle, and was later abandoned on a tiny desert island in a bottle, what would you write on the paper that you put in a bottle that you throw in the ocean?
1. What is the mean submersion time, when you give ACWF a Dutch Oven?
1.Would you rather….
A) Have anal sex with Neckbone
B) Oral Sex with Common Wombat
C) Have a threesome with ebill and tracy
2. How many types of Herpes do you think Paris Hilton has?
3. How big do you think my boobs are?
4. Why does my asshole hurt?
5. What is the most disgusting thing you have ever done as a kid?
6. Why do I have an unnatural sexual crush on Miss Kendra?
7. Are you ever going to tell us how big-or little- your penis is?
how many women is ‘too many’?
are catfish more cat or fish?
have you ever been a willing participant of a ‘fisting’?
have you ever been an unwilling participant of a ‘fisting’?
does anonymity make you a better:
ninja?
blogger?
lover?
human being?
Ever left someone and upper-decker?
How have you come to impress your blog friends so that they are inclined to ask you about assplay, fisting or both in conjunction?
I forgot to ask earlier…
Is there a prize for the best question?
have you stuck any objects (not fingers, or peni) up your rear?
have you ever stuck a gerbil up your ass?
If so, was it live or dead?
Think of words ending in -GRY. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is.
Were you ever molested by Wiggles the Clown at your tenth birthday party?
Do you braid your pubic or anal hair?
Have you ever put excreta into someone’s food?
If you had the choice of sticking your scrote into a bear trap and gnawing it off to free yourself or sliding down a 50 foot razorblaze to land into a pool of rubbing alcohol while smoking a ciggy, which would you prefer and why?
If you were given the choice between having sex with an 90 year old woman and living, or not having sex with her and dying, which would you choose?
1) how many hours of work did reading/answering/posting these questions eat up?
b) can i work there with you?
9) What happened to Bitter Girl Bartender?