Mokie, the Douchebagus maximus, that is my younger brother, begged me to take a fish tank off his hands. I believe my response was, “Eff no.” But ACWF said, “Yay fish!” so we got a fish tank. Whoopadee doo. The fishtank had somehow migrated from being my brother’s responsibility to being my dad’s responisbiility (the fishtank was at my parents house) and my dad just wanted to be rid of them so he called me up and said, “When are you coming to get these fish?”
ACWF thought she could put the fish in her classroom, so we went up there to get the fish. We had 6 fish when we left, and we had 5 fish when we got them home. Too bad, so sad. A fish got flushed.
A few weeks later two more fish had bit the dust, so we were down to 3. I actually found one of the fish half decoming in the fake plant thing in the tank. It was like Jaws in minature.
So after a while the inside of the tank started to get a bit green, then very green, then green with brown in it, then green and brown, then brown and spongy, then green again, then it started to go black. So finally, being the resonsible party that wanted the fish in the first place, ACWF said, “ACW, you need to clean that tank out.”
I believe responded politely by saying, “I think you should clean the tank since you wanted the fish,” either that or, “Fuck that. You clean the fuckin’ tank.” Regardless, it was I who cleaned the tank, and it was a ginormous pain in the ass. It took 3 hours to get the algae off of everything, including each and every one of the tiny little stones at the bottom of the tank. To ensure the future cleanliness of the tank I gave it a quick wash in a part water part bleach solution, and then rinsed it thoroughly and put the fish back in.
The 3 fish lived happily for a long time, and we changed the filters regularly until we ran out of filters. Then the tank went through its Hulk phases again until ACWF finally agreed that it was her turn to clean the fish tank. Or her turn to ask me to clean the fish tank again. Whichever.*
I figured I would shorten the whole process this time by scrubbing the tank, and then soaking the whole thing in bleach for a while. It did wonders last time. So the tank and its components soaked in bleach and water for about a day, and in the meantime I got new filters. The next day I rinsed out the tank and put everything back together and then put the fish back in.
The fish seemed happy to be back in a clean tank so I gave them some food and left them alone. I came back a little while later to see how they were doing and they were… weird. They were doing this thing where they would swin for a while, then float for a while, then go back to swimming. They would float vertically, horizontally, on their backs and on their bellies. I figured that I had put them back in the water when it was too cold, or too warm, and they were just getting used to it.
I came back to see them a few more minutes later and they were both stuck to the side of the filter pump. Stupid bastard fish didn’t even have the decency to die before I went to all the trouble of cleaning out the tank. Thanks a ton stupid fish. See you in Hell.
Anyway, the point of this post is threefold.
1) Mokie is a douchebag for foisting the fish on my dad, and the refusing to take the fish back from him, therefore foisting the fish on me by proxy.
2) ACWF is as responsible in the death of these fish as I am, if not moreso.
3) You can own a beautiful, slightly used fishtank at the low, low price of 15$! And that’s pretty much just to cover the cost of the new filters I bought. If you want a fishtank, or would like to get one as a gift for a friend this Christmas or Hannukkah season, you could do a lot worse. It holds about 3 or 4 gallons of water, or maybe 5, I don’t know. Plus it comes with the pump, filters, food, light, and just about everything else you need to make a fishtank a fishtank. You just need to supply the fish. Plus, despite all my complaining about it, it’s a really great tank if you actually change the filters from time to time. We only changed them twice since July. I’ll deliver it to you for free if you live in the Baltimore area. If I don’t hear anything soon, I’m going to put it up on Craigslist or ebay.
*She was the one who wanted the damn fish. That’s all I’m saying. Ask her in comments how many times she changed the filters. Ask her how many times she fed the little bastards. If she says a number larger than you can count on one hand, she’s lying.
I know some of the spelling in this post is horrible, but WordPress is being weird, for some reason.
fish killer!!
I might want it. Give me a day though. A day.
nah, screw that stupid tank
Baahahahah! This is why i don’t have pets. You have to clean them and feed them and keep them alive and stuff…….
ugh fish are gross. I can’t believe you didn’t just “accidentally” kill them with the first cleaning.
Hehe, he did… Bleach + fish = dead fish.
I can’t believe you cleaned the tank out with BLEACH.
Hot water and a scrub should be fine - but BLEACH? BLEACH?!
At some point I’m going to have to post about “how to look after your fish, and not kill them like ACW did. With BLEACH.”
the people who lived in the house we just bought had 5 fishtanks scattered throughout the house (plus a birdcage 2 cats and 2 dogs) and left in the list of things they wanted to “sell” us - the koi pond on the back deck. Now, honestly, what do I want w/ this empty koi pond that is clearly too cumbersome for them to move so they think we’ll actually pay them to keep it?
Jim says we can put my Miller Lites in it.
I’m not a fan of fish foisters either, FYI.
guppy murderer.
We started up the fishtank of death when my stepdaughter won some goldfish at a fair. Then we got them some friends. We weren’t very good at keeping it clean, but never resorted to bleach. The fish started dying off, so we replaced them repeatedly until, after a few years, we were down to just one. We decided that when it died, we would get rid of the darn tank because no one wanted to deal with it. But that stupid fish refused to die. It swam all alone for at least six months. When it finally did give up the fight, G and I did a bit of a happy dance as our days of fishtank operation were finally over. It went out with the trash the next day.
Um, dude. First rule of fish ownership is NEVER, EVER clean the tank with bleach. Or any other chemical. EVER. Not even mild soap. It’s all poison! Fishies are delicate.
There are some things that will help your fish thrive, such as finding the proper pH balance, and monitoring nitrates & nitrites in the water. Light sources and plant life also affect their environment.
Also, it’s harder to achieve a good acquatic system in a small tank than a large tank. The smallest I’d recommend for a beginner is 20-30 gallons (unless you want to get frustrated with fast algae build-up and floating carcasses), and tropical fish are the most sensitive so inquire about hardier types of fish that you like the look of. But stay away from the expensive ones until you’ve got th hang of it.
Just get some basic info from a good aquarium services store to get you started. It may sound like they’re not easy to care for, but once you get the hang of it, it’s really quite simple.
I started with a 5 gallon, graduated to a 10 gallon, then a 30 gallon and now I’ve had my 55 gallon for the last 7 years without a problem. If you’re really into it, the best thing I can recommend is a canister filter (mine is an E-heim) which you store under the tank in a cabinet rather than those stupid noisy plastic things that hang off the back of the tank. Canisters are more powerful and do a much better job at keeping the tank clean, and you only change the filter media 4 times a year (so while they are more expensive at the outset, they save you money in the long run… and they’re worth it because it’s less work).