Oh man. Last night I went to get a pizza for ACWF and me for dinner, and I spotted the rock star of parking spaces. It was in the first row, and it was equidistant from the entrance and the exit. So I headed for the spot.
I turned right into the parking lane, and the spot was on my right. The was another car in the lane heading towards me, and they turned on their signal as soon as they saw me turn in, even though I was much closer to the spot that they were. However, the next 5 spots after the rock star spot were open (porn star, dog star, starfish, staring contest, and Starship Enterprise, respectively) so I aimed for one of those spots. I turned in, parked, and hopped out of the car. Meanwhile, the woman in the car was still waiting for me to get out of the way so she could have her precious first space.
I walked inside, grabbed my pizza, and headed for the checkout. I was halfway through the checkout process when I watched her amble through the entrance of the store. Gee whiz! It’s a good thing she had to be so passive agressive about her numero uno parking space. Lazy idiotic beyatch.
So, a few moments later I’m exiting the store, and as I’m trying to pull out of the parking lane and into the path that leads to the exit of the parking lot, another woman tries to pull into the space in front of me on my right, on her left.
She looked to be about 200 years old. Her skin was like jerky, and her eyes were like little prunes with marbles shoved into the middle of them. She pulled into the spot after I passed her car, but from my rear view mirror I could see her backing out of the spot to find another place to park. Why? The spot she pulled into was reserved for expecting mothers, not dusty old nanas who’ve lorded over Thanksgiving tables holding 7 generations or more.
I swear we should have never allowed women the right to vote.
“Give them the right to vote” Teddy Roosevelt said. “It’ll be cute and when they’re done they can make us pies.”
Feh.
Fat lot of good that did us. Now they’re all over the road and stealing our sperm to make babies that they can use to embezzle our hard earned money. Women- can’t live with ‘em, can’t force them to slave over a stove all day after allowing them the honor of cleaning your house and giving birth to your progeny while simultaneously maintaining a Madonna/Whore mindset that lets us bone ‘em without having to worry that they’ve ever boned before.
What was I saying? Ah yes, the Fudgecicle is a complex food.
I’m drunk and getting drunker.
