I’m a cubic crapload lighter! Now where’d I put that keg of beer? Oh yeah, it’s in the kegorater. I’m going to play a game. I’m going to be a vampire, and the keg is going to be my sexy victim.
Archive for November, 2005
Well, I’m a bit more sober after eating a cubic crapload of turkey. Now I have to go find a place to excrete a cubic crapload of turkey. Everyone might want to stay away from the bathroom for a until Christmas.
Wow, am I wasted. It’s a good thing I wrote this post on Tuesday, or else this sentence would be a mess of jumbled characters and alcohol laced apologies for vomitting on family members.
Oh man, football was a mess. It was cold/raining/snowing/windy/sunny/warm so that was nice/sucked.
Now I ache.
Must medicate pain with turkey, and beer.
By the way, these posts were written on Tuesday.
Oh what the eff am I waking up at 9 on Thanksgiving for?
Oh yeah, football with the fellas.
Hey suckers. I took the day off today, and I’m probably sleeping right now, but WordPress has this awesome function where I can write posts in advance, and then they show up whenver I want them to show up. Like this one did.
So even if my speling is bad and grammers my is teribul, I can still make the words dance for me like a cruel, twisted puppetmaster. Yeah, I miss Jim Henson, too.
So anyway, since I’m goofing off in real life (you know, that scary world that exists over your left shoulder (your other left, there you go)), I thought would provide you with some things that I do to eat my free time.
For my US readers, this can be a nice little diversion before Thanksgiving. For my international readers, this can be your trick to get through Hump Day. For my late-to-the-party readers, this is something you can do while falling further behind on my blog. I plan to write some seriously funny stuff in the future*, so you’d better get a move on after you’re done goofing around.
Okay, so a good bet is Boing Boing. Quick articles on funny and nerdy stuff.
Comics by Penny Arcade
The new Random button on Homestar Runner is nice.
I used to play this nerdy game all the time.
I scan for Bad Movies here.
I used to read about Zombies here.
I find old games here.
I look at cheap merchandise here.
I get some crazy music here, and here, and here.
And in general I just mess around with the Wiki, IMDB, Amazon, ebay and stuff like that.
In reality, it’s most of you who provide me with something to do during downtime.
If you ever get bored with the internet, just surf links until you find something interesting. I bet you haven’t tried that in a while.
*Lies. All lies.
So I talked my boss into giving me the day off tomorrow. I already had off on Thursday for Thanksgiving, and Friday, because y’know, day after Thanksgiving. For my international readers, Thanksgving is a holiday where the US celebrates religious fanatics being kicked out of Britain who then came over to the unexplored regions of North America (unexplored by Whitey, that is (unless you count Vikings)) and started a 400 year tradition of raping and murdering the natives, and then telling a quaint little story about how we fixed their primitive asses dinner.
It’s really rather confusing, so people just gorge themselves on turkey, and then get into fistfights in the parking lot of Macy’s the day after. It’s a beautiful holiday, it really is.
What’s even more beautiful is that they’ve started making Christmas a two-month-long celebration that lasts from the day after Halloween until December 25th. I’m sure next year they’ll get around to calling it Halloristmasgiving.
Thankchristmoween.
Weenerthankchrist.
Whatever. 5 years from now Christmas will start on Labor Day and end with the new year. 10 years from now Christmas will start on Labor Day and end on Memorial Day. It’ll be great. Santa Clause will be doing lines of coke as big as a Rochester snow-drift just to keep up. And Jesus will be rendered an infant for 9 months of the year. No more tap-dancing for him.
If this, for some un-patriotic, America-hating, Taliban-loving reason, upsets you, you can blame this guy.
It really took all my creative genius to come up with that Denver the Last Dinosuar reference in the Harry Potter review, and my creative genius is limited to whatever happens to float through my head on the way to work, so I’m not sure that I’ve got anything to blog about because my ride to work consisted of me trying to defog my windsheild the entire time.
The whole idea of turning on the air conditioning while the heat is on does something to my brain that is in no way dissimilar to the Coyote painting a tunnel on the side of a mountain and then watching the Roadrunner *meepmeep* his way through the tunnel. It’s one of the few places where science is my enemy. Pretty much the rest of my life is spent trying to go steady with Science. ACWF knows of this crush, so don’t start feeling like Science is a home-wrecker. We have an open-relationship where Science is concerned.
Well, look at that. I worked half of a post out of myself anyway. I must be eating enough fiber.
You accidentally capitalize and punctuate the word verification in someone’s Blogger comments.
