No, I put that hyphen in the right place. The other night I had the craziest damn dream.
First of all, I woke up about a million times the other night, and it felt like my dreams were all shorts at a film festival. They would have been called “Dream Shorts” or something.
But anyway, I’m dreaming that ACWF and I are walking in the backyard of some house and we’re with a group of people. Suddenly someone’s like, “Okay, pair up!” and everyone gets into pairs.
I got stuck with some woman and ACWF was with some guy.
Then somebody said, “Okay, now everybody have sex.” and I’m like, “No way, I don’t want to have sex with that ugly chick, and I don’t want ACWF to have sex with that dude,” because he was all muscular and stuff.
ACWF was like, “Don’t be such a stick in the mud,” and then happily went off with her partner. Meanwhile the ugly chick is frantically calling me over. She’s like, “C’mon, we’ve gotta have sex!” and I’m like, “No way! I don’t wanna have sex with you!” and she says, “Okay, well I guess we can just fool around then. I’ll just blow you,” and I’m absolutely opposed to the idea and am about to make such a statement when she’s like, “Too late, the train’s here.”
So the whole group gets on to the train, and I find ACWF and she’s like, “Oh there you are! Do you want to hear what happened?” and I’m pissed so I say, “Are you crazy? Of course I don’t want to hear what happened!” So she looks at me funny and says, “You’re such a prude.”
Right at that moment the husband of my old boss wanders through the train and ACWF calls to him, “Hey Jim, wanna hear about the sex I just had?” and of course he’s like, “Hell yeah! Lay it on me!” so she starts telling him. And even though I can’t hear what she says, I guess my dream persona hears it and I say, “God damnit I thought I told you that I didn’t want to hear about that shit.”
Then I woke up.
Is that a freakin’ crazy dream or what? I guess I just shoulda had sex with the ugly chick.
But here’s something weird, and I’ll probably get mocked for this, but it’s impossible for me to cheat on my significant other, even in my dreams. I’ve never had a dream when I’ve been in a relationship where I’ve had sex with anyone but that person. It’s like I can’t even cheat in my subconscious. Not that I want to, but I find it strange that my subconscious is wired that strongly.
Weird.
