Tonight ACWF and I will be handing out candy to the youngsters for the first time in our new house. I’ll probably be handing out more candy than ACWF because ACWF has a medical condition known as Paralyzing Comatose Laziness. That, and I object to ACWF putting razor blades into candy bars. Everybody knows that straight pins go in much more easily and inconspicuously.
We’re giving away full-sized candy bars (as opposed to the lollipops that I usually use to lure kids into the back of my van) in order to build some positive “buzz” about our house. The reason for this is twofold. First, you don’t TP or egg a house that gives away whole candy bars. That would be like biting the hand that sells you your inhaler you asthmatic freak. There are plenty of hoodlums running around our neighborhood, so this is like an investment. Second, full sized candy bars ensure repeat customers next year, and next year I plan to build a haunted house in my backyard.
ACWF isn’t keen on the idea, but I’m pretty sure I just heard the internet say, “Hells yes! That would be awesome! Can I help?” just as everyone else has said to me when I’ve explained my plan.
Given the layout of our house, we can get people in and through and out with enough room to deliver some solid scares, but without having to worry about any damage done to our property, or a ton of expense put into the creation of the haunted house. I think we’ll probably do donations or a baked goods table or something to recoup any cost.
So who’s with me?
