Archive for September 21st, 2005

How do I make it through the day?

Time-released candy.

Every morning on my way out the door I grab 3 sugar-free Life Savers peppermint candies. (I actually prefer the taste to the sugar-full ones.) I have the first one as I’m walking out the door. It’s usually gone about halfway to work, but by that point, it’s done its job. I’m on my way to work, and I’m no longer wishing for the sweet comfort of my bed. (Though that comfort has been interrupted of late by a genital slashing kitten.)

The second mint is administered after lunch. I usually forget about it until about now actually. It’s like a nice little surprise. I wander the internet, work on different projects for the j-o-b, and have a moment where I’m staring off into space thinking, “I could just stay like this until the end of the day, and that would be fine,” when the “jam that individually wrapped piece of sweet candy goodness into your mouth right now” synapse in my brain fires, and I pull the 2nd mint from my left breast pocket (which is where I keep them) and pop it in.

Finally, I eat my last mint on my way home from work. After I climb into my car and navigate it out of the parking lot, I pull the last mint from my pocket and reward myself for fooling everyone into thinking that I’m a rational individual. I usually chomp this mint rather than suck (get your mind out of the gutter) it.

That’s right folks. The only thing keeping me going, day in and day out, is the timed reward of a sugarless sweet. I guess that’s better than taking a high-powered rifle to the top of a tower, or developing an affinity for the O’Reilly factor.

Dear Blogger bloggers,

It’s not normally like me to shill for a company, organization, musical group, or movie, but there is something I must tell you about.

Haloscan commenting.

  • It’s freakin’ easy as balls to set up. I should know, because I’m an idiot, and I have Haloscan comments.
  • I’ve yet to be spammed. Which is nice because I don’t have to read about penis enlargements, or mortgages, or penis-enlarging mortgages. That it, unless I decide to write about them. Then I have to read about them.
  • You can customize your comment screen and stand out from the crowd. Just take a look at Ian’s comments.
  • And last, but not least, you don’t have to type in the retarded word verification thingy every time you want to say, “Dood! Hysterical!” Which is to what 78% of my comments amount.

So go get Haloscan. You’ll be glad you did.

Cat update

My cat is a horrible bastard.

He pulled about 16 feet of toilet paper off the roll last night because I wouldn’t let him lay on the bad and bite my hands, feet, legs, arms, and genital area.

He climbed on the sink while I was in the shower and pushed all my stuff into the trashcan.

He drank all my beer.

I’m feel slightly less bad about having his nuts chopped off.




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