Archive for September 19th, 2005
I know that ye can’t help havin’ a cold, an’ I know that it be frustratin’ for ye nozzle t’ keep runnin’ all the day long, but if ye choose t’ wipe your nose wit’ ye fin’ers, don’t be offended when I won’t offer ye me hook in return.
Ye filthy lubber.
Y’arr! I be fergettin’ me wits. ‘Tis Talk Like a Pirate Day me ‘earties!
Scabber up yer bootjacks ye’ mutinous dogs, and join yer fellow lubbers in a jabberin’ what hasn’t been heard since the wind blew Calico Jack from the West Indies. Avast, talkin’ like a pirate is refreshin’ like a beard full o’ the spray o’ the sea. Satisfyin’ like a new canister full o’ hook polish, or peg wax. Rejuvenatin’ like tyin’ the cookie t’ the crow’s nest til he stops lettin’ maggots get inta the hard tack. And jes about better in ev’ry way then a keelhaulin’.
Scrub the parrot leavin’s from yer epaulettes, tighten yer pistols in yer bandoliers, fill yer flasks with rum and yer tankard with grog, switch yer eyepatch to the other side, and sing a shanty with me:
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
We burn up the city, we’re really a fright.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
We’re rascals, scoundrels, villans and knaves.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
We’re devils and black sheep, really bad eggs!
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Aye! But we’re loved by our mommies and dads!
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
The garbage men that collect our trash have issued me a puzzle. At first I didn’t realize it was a puzzle, but now an unspoken declaration has been made, and an unseen gauntlet has been thrown, and it’s up to me to figure out exactly what the answer is.
I know the question. The question is, “How do I get the garbage men to pick up all my trash?”
These are the facts as I’ve been able to determine:
They will pick up any trash in a garbage bag outside of a garbage can on Monday and Wednesday.
They will pick up anything out of the yellow recycling bin on Wednesday.
They will not take anything that looks like recycling unless it is in the yellow bin on Wednesday.
They will not take yard waste on Monday or Wednesday unless it’s in a bag in the yellow bin on Wednesday, or unless it’s loose in the garbage can on Monday.
They will never take anything in a cardboard box.
Can you help me figure this one out? Because it’s way over my head, and those garbage men are crafty. Either that or they are ignorant jerks who don’t want to do any work.
