Last week we learned that a pipe was busted in our front lawn, and as much as I would like to say the geysers of mud were spewing lawn debris into the air and coating the surrounding cars, grass, trees, and children, it would be a lie. It was just a slow trickle into our neighbors yard, and for some reason, today, it seems to have stopped. Whatever. I’m calling the warranty company to come out and replace the busted pipe anyway. That’s what warranties are for, right? I’m not sure the warranty covers the excavation of the pipe though. So that’s a nice little “fuck you” conundrum they have set up there. That way the plumbers can charge me a shitheap of money to dig a hole, and then charge a shitheap of money to the warranty company to fix the pipe. I should get into plumbing so I can bend everybody over and ram them up the butthole with 4 feet of PVC in my ass-revealing trousers.
Also, the trashguys came today, and they didn’t take our cardboard box full of trash. Why not? Because cardboard gets picked up with recyclables. Even if you don’t want to recycle it. Like we didn’t want to. Because the box was full of trash. Idiots.
So I went down to the curb to grab the trashcan and soggy cardboard box and I’m looking at the lid of the trashcan on the ground and I’m wondering what all those little, white pieces of oh that’s SO GROSS IT’S MAGGOTS. So I dragged the trashcan back up to the place where we keep the trashcans, by the end of the driveway, and I notice what looks like a pool of vomit and hairballs on the ground by the front of my car. I have no idea what it is, but compared to the hundreds of maggots in the trashcan lid and in the trashcan itself, it’s really not very gross at all, so I just step over and head off to work. Which is where I am now. Which is also where I can’t get the image of hundreds of maggots out of my head, so I’ll share it with you.
