Here are the questions from you all, with honest answers from me all. Points assigned as applicable.
deanne- Do you use any sort of facial cleanser, or moisturiser?
Yes. I wash my face in the morning, in the shower, with some anti-oily skin stuff. I NEVER use moisturizer of any kind anywhere on my body. Unless lube counts, and then I only use that in conjuction with ACWF. What? No, not like that sicko. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about sex.
Metro points- 1
MCG- do you call it gel or “product?” I call it “hair junk”. do you own a nail file? Yes. It came attached to my fingernail clippers. nail clippers? Yes. I don’t like having long nails. It makes me feel like I’m going to accidentally brush them on a chalkboard even when there are none around. have you ever had sexual intercourse with a donkey? No. Not today. Or ever. But especially not today. No matter what anyone else says. Especially the zoo. I didn’t know it was a donkey. I just thought it was two guys in a donkey suit.
Metro points- 1
Serra- Which sounds better:
a. Sun-dried tomatoes, basil, buffalo mozzarella and olive oil on foccacia with rosemary and proscuitto,
or…
b. Deep dish garbage can pizza.
It depends. Some days I’d go for one, other days the other. Other days, neither. I couldn’t honestly say which I’d choose over the other with any regularity. What I can say though is that I’m much more likely to choose a dive bar/restaurant than a fancy place.
Metro points- 0
Mokiejovis- When consuming buffalo wings, do you clean your hands/face after every wing, or do you make a filthy mess of yourself and only use your one precious wetnap at the end?
I clean my hands and face every every wing BUT I do it by sucking the buffalo sauce off my hands. Sometimes I use my fingers to get any exta buffalo sauce left behind on the plate. I never use the wetnap. The wetnap is for wimps and quitters.
Metro points- -2
Siana- i don’t think you are very metrosexual if it makes you feel better.
You’re goddamned right it makes me feel better. I maintain that I am not metro in the slightest. We’ll see how the points add up.
Metro points- -5 (cause it came from a girl)
Cara- Roofies are way metro.
I’m not sure about this one. Maybe it’s about something I said when I was drunk?
Metro points- -3 (Metros don’t get drunk. And if they do, not on beer.)
Zenchick- Okay, I just have to say…whatever with the hair product: it’s a *quality*. You have to meet him in person to understand.
Or, I think if this is to be statistically valid, Textureslut must administer the quiz.
Whatever Zenchick. Just because this little quiz is proving that I’m not metro doesn’t mean you can start bitching halfway through. Maybe you should go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Metro points- -2 (The Metros don’t eat sandwiches. They eat wheatgrass.)
AliceBabylon- Have you ever bought anything at Bath & Body Works?
Yes, but never for myself. And to be perfectly honest, I think the last time I was in Bath and Body Works was like 8 years ago. I don’t even know what flavors of lotion crap they sell there anymore. I just know that my ex-grilfriend used to get heaps of anti-stress smelling stuff from me because she was freaking BONKERS.
Metro points- 0
TBE- Do you spend more time getting ready than ACWF?
It depends what you mean by “getting ready”. I dress WAY faster than she does, but I spend a much longer time in the shower. Not exfoliating or defoliating or refoliating of anything though. Mostly just standing there and thinking and wishing I had a chair. Yes, I am that lazy.
Metro points- -1
Common Wombat- Okay dude, I was going to defend you, but then I thought, “What fully straight guy remembers what he wore yesterday???” Definitely metro. Actually, you’re just SEXUAL. There. Mystery solved.
I remember what I wore because it’s something I wear all the time. And because all my shorts are thrift store pants that I made into cutoffs. And yes, I am just sexual as you will soon learn.
Metro points- 0 (Creep out points for the Wombat- 25)
Kendra- have you ever been waxed? My body hair lets the ladies know that I’m feral. mani/pedi? Fingernails are for clippin’. do you own more than one belt and know which things to wear them with? Um, you wear belts with pants. Duh.
Actually, I have to admit that I have about 6 or 7 belts. I know to wear the brown ones with brown pants and the black ones with black pants. I used to only have 1 belt and it was brown/black reversible but it started falling apart. So I bought another reversible one. It started falling apart. So then I bought a brown belt and a black belt. The black belt was too think for some pairs of pants’ belt loops so I bought a skinny black belt as well. And I think I have another belt or tow that I may have borrowed from someone and never gave back. And since I have so many belts I own a belt hanger. But what it comes down to is that shirts tucked into pants without belts make you look like an idiot.
Metro points- 1
Freedom Girl- Do you own an over the shoulder satchel? Ya know, a MAN PURSE?
Yep. And here it is. (link may not work in Firefox)
Metro points- 0 (The metros don’t like cartoons. Or laughter.)
Fool- You are not metro.
Preach it, sister!
Metro points- -10 (This statement, also from a girl, is way more declarative than the above similar statement, thus more points.)
PLD- “Product” is a good one, MCG. Also, do you own or wear with regular frequency either a pink tie, pink golf shirt or pink dress shirt?
No, I don’t own anything pink. Though I did once borrow a pink tie of my dad’s with disastrousresults.
Metro points- -2
TBE- Are you on a first name basis with any of the sales people in Dillards? Dillards? I imagine this is some kind of store. No.
Do you go tanning? I’ll take a pass on increasing my risk of skin cancer, thanks. No.
Do you own a poodle? Those are the dogs that are all fluffy and have bows in their fur and yelp really loud when you run them down with your Tercel, right? No, I don’t own one.
Metro points- -3
Kmart- Oh you’re not metro, I am.
Yeah, I know. Tell Zenchick.
Metro points- -2 (But a +10 for Kmart for admitting it)
Mokiejovis- I think it should be apparent that you are not metrosexual to anyone who has seen your unabated fury at some sub-human’s “popped” collar.
Collar popping is an offense that should be punished at least with an immediate vasectomy and at most with the termination of that person and their entire nuclear family.
Metro points- -5
Kmart- Yeah and the fact his clothes never match.
Not true. I always make sure my clothes for work are matched. Of course, it’s not really hard to match men’s work clothes. Otherwise, I couldn’t give two shits. I pull out a pair of shorts or pants depending on the weather, then a tshirt at random, and a long sleeve shirt at random if necessary. Am I really that concerned with what the guy at Target with his gut hanging out from below his Tshirt that reads “Nascar fans do it in a circle” and his sweatpants with a hole in the right ass-cheek thinks of me? No.
Metro points- 1
Zenchick- Kmart…Metro. Yay! A whole nother dimension I never thought of.
Yes. Exactly. Why don’t you think of a better target before you level baseless accusations at someone next time?
Metro points- -1
Mokiejovis- How humorous that you consider ACW the posterchild for being a metrosexual, but never even gave thought to kmart being one. When it’s the opposite.
I know. Kmart is all, “Oh no! My loofa accidentally knocked over my earlobe moisturizer and now my shirt isn’t pink enough for the wheatgrass party! I’m going to go have an umbrella drink and a manicure to cheer myself up.”
Metro points- -2 (+50 for Kmart)
PLD- Now you’re getting all inside joke on us.
Hope that last answer clears things up, PLD.
Metro points- wha?
Bliss- Oh, this is one that got me accused- Do you know what an Empire waist is, AND can you say it correctly?
Um, isn’t it like a high-waisted A-line type dress? And isn’t it pronounced em-pie-er? Googling for answers…
Okay. Highwaisted- Check. A-line- Arguably. Dress- Check. Pronounced- Om-peer.
Metro points- 6 for the correct answers, -1 for googling it to check
Alexandrialeigh- Have you ever complimented a girl’s outfit, purse or shoes when you haven’t been trying to get them in bed? And if so, did you guess what brand they were?
Not really, unless “That’s an awesome tshirt. Wanna go pound some brewskis?” counts.
Metro points- 0
So in the end I have a Metro score of -27 when a score of 10 or more would prove metrosexuality. Meanwhile, Kmart scored 60 metro points proving that he’s like 8 times more metro than me.
This proves that I should not be trusted with fashion advice or with moisturizers or children or animals or wheatgrass. Or something. It also proves that Zenchick is freakin’ CRAZY to think I’m metro, and what she was probably shooting for when I was making a list of male movie stars that I’d totally bang (and considering my background in Women’s Studies) was that I’m a male lesbian. Which is different than metro. Seriously. Which of you guys out there wouldn’t want a piece of Jason Statham? Be honest.
