My coworker was at a restaurant a while ago, and on the way out he noticed a box by the door that said “DROP IN YOUR BUSINESS CARD AND BE ENTERED TO WIN A FREE LUNCH”. What he failed to notice was the fine print that said he would have to sit through a brief seminar by the company that sponsors the lunch. In this case it was a subsidiary company of American Express.
So the guy thows his speil at us, and it was kinda low pressure, but also a very jargon-laden, scare-tactic’ed, and overhyped presentation. For example he was all, “You have to diversify your portfolio into mutuals, 401ks, 403b, Roth’s, and be sure you have enough 1099 dividend left over to capitalize on your tax-diversified gains.” Which is pretty much bullshit because everybody knows that you don’t need any 1099 to capitilize on anything.
Anyway, once he was done talking we got to have our free buffet lunch. Or, as my dad would like to say, line up at the trough and strap the feedbag on. So that’s what we did.
I had a huge plate of nachos for lunch because I’m 24, and I own a house, and if I want to have nachos for lunch, I damn well am going to have nachos. You just wish you had nachos for lunch. Suckers. I also had some bbq chicken and some fried fish. I can feel the oil coating my bowels as we speak. It’l be no time before I’m high-tailing it to the bathroom.
Which reminds me. I was in the bathroom the other day, *ahem* in the stall,and some guy wandered in to pee, and he started talking to himself. He was like, “Oh mommy. Oh mommy. Ohmommyohmommyohmommymommymommymommymommymommy momMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!” Then it sounded like someone opened up a firehose into a five gallon bucket. I imagine the guy had at UTI or STD or something, but it was weird either way. Mommy? Who says that?
