I wish I could say that it’s good to be back. Actually, I don’t wish I could say that at all. I wish I was still on vacation, and, to be honest, without internet access for the rest of my life. Alas, I’m not on vacation, and I do have access, so I might as well make the best of it.
The vacation started off pretty well. We left the Laurel area of Maryland for the Outer Banks of North Carolina at about 3:30am last Sunday. The trip was relatively uneventful, and we got to the beach house at about 9:30am. Starving, and unable to actually move our stuff into the house until 4:30 when the cleaning people were done with it, we opted to try to find some food.
Nothing seemed to be open, so we had to hit the Burger King. We awaited the arrival of a few more in our group there, and then moseyed over to the we-sell-all-the-beach-crap-you-could-ever-want store. They didn’t sell beer bongs, so we went to the hardware store next door and bought two all-purpose funnels and some 2 foot and 5 foot plastic tubing. We made our own. The 5 foot one worked really well too. You could see it from the end of the street, and when we would go out on the deck for our morning beer bong, the guys painting the house across the street would always yell for us to have one for them. What could we do but comply and crack open another can?
After building our beer bongs* we headed back to the house to wait, and were greeted by the cleaning people. They said they would be done in about half an hour, which meant that we would be able to get into the house at about 11:30. Our spirits lifted, we all changed in the outdoor shower stall and headed to the beach.
Once on the beach we began to settle into what would become our regular spot. I set up the umbrella, my chair, and laid down my towel. Meanwhile ACWF was busy bursting out of her bathing suit. Her gazongas literally exploded the top part of her bikini right off of her body. She wore a shocked expression for a few moments as she flashed the beach, then quickly covered herself. She wore her back-up suit for the rest of the week.
During the week at the beach we buried people in the sand and sculpted the sand on top of them to look like a mermaid, a penis, an anus, and a pair of breasts. The penis was quite good, and the rest were just mediocre. I’ll try to see who has pictures.
We also saw pelicans and dolphins. The pelicans would ride in parabolic arcs along the waves, and a few times we were out far enough for the pelicans to be within a few feet of us. The dolphins never got within more than 15 feet or so, but that was as close as I’d ever been to a wild dolphin. The dolphins would race people in kayaks, beat them unmercifully, then come back to race them again. They seemed to get a kick out of beating the crap out of the kayakers. In one case the dolphins were about 15 or 20 feet away as we were watching them when the water suddenly erupted around us. A school of fish was drifting ever closer towards us until it was only a few feet away. I think we interrupted the dolphins’ dinner.
I’d like to tell you that we spent the rest of our time on the beach tanning, drinking, and having sexy partner-swapping adventures where no one ends up with chlamydia. In actuality we spent the rest of our time on the beach tanning, drinking, trying to build an accurate sundial, and having arguments about dual asymptotes. Our sundial was accurate to within about 10 minutes or so. That’s not bad when you consider all we had was some sand, a stick, and our rapidly deteriorating senses.
The time at the house was split between me convincing other people to take off their bathing suits in the hot tub**, playing drinking games, making phenomenal dinners, watching movies, playing video games, and having a “biggest splash” contest in the pool.***
All in all, a good week.
*Which reminds me. Mokiejovis INSISTED we would need tape to hold the beer bongs funnel to the tubing. He owes me money for the tape.
**You can call me “Hef”.
***We also made a whirlpool in the pool by having everyone jump in and run in the same direction within the perimeter. We got it going fast enough that you could just release from the side of the pool and drift for a few rotations.
