AnonymousCoworker

Or at least reasonably close enough to warrant a pat on the ass.

Last night, ACWF ran out of “feminine products/napkins”* i.e. tampons. I being a good fiance (and she being quite drunk) ran out to the store to pick some up. The trouble was, it was 11pm on a Sunday night. Most places would be closed. So I went to 7-11. I figured that they might have something.

The first 7-11 I went to was very small, and upon a cursory examination I determined that they did not have tampons at that location. So I headed for the 7-11 located about 1 mile north, which was much larger. I got there and yet still, no tampons.

They had pain relievers, pepto bismol, suntan lotion, condoms, razors, shaving cream, mascara, condoms, cigarettes, nail polish remover, eye drops, anti-allergy medication, nyquil, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc. They had everything for anyone’s body. Stuff to keep the crap in (immodium AD). Stuff to get the crap out (ex lax). But no tampons or pads. Weird. If you were going to stock any product in your store, why wouldn’t you stock a product that half of your clientele will be guaranteed to use at least once a month for 30 years, give or take (and allowing for pregnancy)?

Anyway, I finally found some tampons at the Royal Farm store, but they were sold out of everything but heavy and super-heavy, so I guess Baltimore was just getting over it’s collective menses this weekend.

*Has anyone else ever found this wording as absolutely ridiculous? It’s a tampon. Just call it a tampon. Or a pad. Just call it a pad. No more of this mixed imagery with food and backhanded attempts to portray women’s “yes yes” parts as inherently dirty.

**Also, Blogger spellcheck doesn’t recognize “tampons”. Part of the system of oppression to keep women subordinate, or just more garbage from the spellchecker that can’t spell “blog”?

I now have my very own place to call home!

I’m going to need some help moving the hookers in the giant jars of formaldahyde from my apartment to the new place. They spoil pretty easily if you leave them in the sun too long. Who wants to help?

In just a few hours I’ll be handing over the largest amount of money I’ve ever accumulated in order to purchase a house, which I then hope will become my home. A few months after that we should be hiding hundreds of kilograms of heroin in our crawlspace, and we’ll be a literal bazaar of bodies for smuggling international sex workers. I can’t wait.

In the mean time there is some painting to do, a wall to knock down, and a sliding shower door in a bathroom to demolish into slivers that will surely plague my feet for all the years I live in the house.

I’m excited to have a place where I don’t have to worry if I’m violating my lease because I put a nail in the wall. I’m excited to have a place where I can take care of any problems that come up immediately, as opposed to having to wait for an approved contractor hired by the leasing office when they get around to it. I’m excited to be able to finally have a yard big enough to bury all of the bodies.*

The scary thing is that I have a cashier’s check that basically amounts to one VERY large piece of currency, and if anything happens to it, it would be as if the same happened to cash. Suffice it to say, I’m nervous.

*Well, not all the bodies. Sometimes they go in the lake. Sometimes they go in the furnace. Sometimes they go in my belly.

This site is the #2 hit for “I like to suck balls” on Google, and the ONLY hit for “www.indian peener curry.com” on Yahoo.

I am proud.

Went to see Batman Begins last night with Snay and my heterosexual lifemate Kmart.

It was pretty good, I’d definitely recommend it if you’ve got some extra jangle in your pockets and nothing to do.

However, my continuing problems with Batman remain.

First, when he’s off fighting crime he frequently metes out more than his share of collateral damage. Cars damaged, city property destroyed, and general havoc, to one degree or another, follows him like a trail of disarray. Who pays for this? The taxpayers of Gotham. I imagine the crimefighting is a nice perk, but it has got to cost on the order of millions of dollars per year in repairs. I’d rather lose $20 and get mugged by a criminal than lose $2000 in taxes because Batman can’t take somebody down without lodging a few Batarangs in traffic lights, or tearing up the street in his Batmobile. You know he doesn’t take the snow chains off in the Spring.

Secondly, you always see Batman beating up two-bit thugs. Batman goes into the ghetto and beats the everloving shit out of a kid who just shoplifted some Cheetos. Now the kid will never walk again (but the Bat’s conscience is clear because he didn’t kill the kid) and the ghetto is still rife with crime. Know what Batman could do? He could call Bruce fucking Wayne up and say, “Hey Bruce, could you build a manufacturing plant in the ghetto for all the shit I keep stashed in my belt? Then these kids would have some work and could stay out of trouble, y’know, economically empower themselves, and you’d never run out of supplies when you’re after the Joker. How’s that sound?” Why doesn’t Batman ever work that shit out?