Kmart and I have been living in Baltimore for about a year or so. I wanted to live in the city, and he needed a place close to his school, so we buddied up. If you think that sounds less than hetero, you’re probably right.
We’ve spent the last year in a semi-constant state of juvenile behavior and surprisingly grown-up living habits. Anyone who saw us at a happy hour would be shocked to see our pantries and refrigerator stocked with high-fiber, low-fat, low-sugar, high-protein foods. We do have some junk food lying around from time to time, but by no means did we reflect the stereotypical bachelor lifestyle.
Well, except for the never-ending string of women aged 18-24 that always emerged from Kmart’s bedroom with tousled hair and unsteady legs. That was kind of bachelory of him.
In an effort to encapsulate the time we spent together I will now present a list of things that could regularly be heard around the apartment.
- Touch-a touch-a my peener
- You’ve got a dirty butt
Actually, those are pretty much the only two things of any substance we said to each other.
It’s sad, really.
I think what I’ll miss the most is the goof-offery. Never have I spent so much time watching crazy TV shows, bad movies, or playing so many video games.
I’ll miss you buddy.
But I won’t miss your nipple pinching. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you?
P.S. I’m still the best at Amped.
