Archive for June 29th, 2005

The Cabal Company

Published
by
Anonymous Coworker
on June 29, 2005 @ 1:55 pm
in uncategorized
. Closed

When I called the cable television company to tell them that I wouldn’t be needing my service after June 30th they first tried to figure out exactly where I was moving so they could continuing to bed me over the television set with their monopolistic and outrageous pricing schedules.

I told them I was moving out of the city and into another county and they were hamstrung. How pathetic can a company be if it can’t simply offer me service where I’m moving. They had to defer to a specific cable office of theirs within the county limits.

The good thing is there is also another cable company in that county, and where there is competition there is a reduction in price. I look forward to calling each company up and having them try to outprice the other one until I have an offer for unlimited cable with all the extra channels, unlimited 100Mbps cable internet*, and bi-monthly blowjobs for $25.95 per month.

Part of the reason I want them to have to sink to this level is because they forced me to do their dirty work for them. We had to pack up the cable box, modem, and remote control and take it back to them on our own. Of course I had to do it in the middle of the work day because they don’t have reasonable hours. Horrible bastards.

As I was waiting in line I noticed that they didn’t have a gap big enough in the bullet-proof glass that lined the service desks to pass a cable box through to the other side.** After determining that I was indeed the person who rented the equipment they instructed me to go around and through to the other side of the lobby where they had a little room hidden. In that room was a mountain of equipment. I passed the cable box, modem, and remote through the cable box sized hole in the wall of bullet-proof glass, the woman threw my equipment on the pile and gave me a receipt.

All in all, it wasn’t too bad, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the guy behind me in line had murdered 10 people at the cable office today.

*You know they have it and they’re just not giving it to us.

**I now know exactly why they have bullet-proof glass. Think DMV but lazier and dumber.

The end of an err

Published
by
Anonymous Coworker
on June 29, 2005 @ 9:21 am
in uncategorized
. Closed

Kmart and I have been living in Baltimore for about a year or so. I wanted to live in the city, and he needed a place close to his school, so we buddied up. If you think that sounds less than hetero, you’re probably right.

We’ve spent the last year in a semi-constant state of juvenile behavior and surprisingly grown-up living habits. Anyone who saw us at a happy hour would be shocked to see our pantries and refrigerator stocked with high-fiber, low-fat, low-sugar, high-protein foods. We do have some junk food lying around from time to time, but by no means did we reflect the stereotypical bachelor lifestyle.

Well, except for the never-ending string of women aged 18-24 that always emerged from Kmart’s bedroom with tousled hair and unsteady legs. That was kind of bachelory of him.

In an effort to encapsulate the time we spent together I will now present a list of things that could regularly be heard around the apartment.

  • Touch-a touch-a my peener
  • You’ve got a dirty butt

Actually, those are pretty much the only two things of any substance we said to each other.

It’s sad, really.

I think what I’ll miss the most is the goof-offery. Never have I spent so much time watching crazy TV shows, bad movies, or playing so many video games.

I’ll miss you buddy.

But I won’t miss your nipple pinching. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you?

P.S. I’m still the best at Amped.

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