-Last night Kmart and I were watching a movie* when all of a sudden lightening struck and the speaker by my ear (we have surround sound) exploded in a concussion of static. Imagine static on the TV. Now imagine it turned up so loud you feel like the black and white snowflakes are disintegrating your grey matter. That’s what it felt like. We were worried the speakers had blown, but when we unplugged the DVD player from the surge protector, and then plugged it back in, everything was fine.
-This morning as I was going to work I hit quite a bit of traffic that I didn’t expect to be there. Knowing that I’d be late regardless, I decided to stop off at a gas station and fuel up. While I had the nozzle in the car an attractive young woman walked up to me. This was shocking in itself because attractive people usually want nothing to do with me, but I was wearing my work clothes, so maybe that made me look like less of a bum. When she was about 10 feet away she stopped, lifted up her sunglasses and asked, “Do you have the real time? Like, for REAL?” I had no idea what the “real” time was, or conversely, what “fake” time would be, so I whipped out my phone and told her the time down to the minute. (Usually I just round to the closest 5). Then she mumbled something that sounded close to, but completely unlike, “Thanks.”
-I went to get a receipt for my gas because the pump was out of paper. The guy behind the window asked me what I had asked for.
“Can I have a receipt for pump 2?”
“Yes”
He starts printing the receipt.
“You want this?”
“Yes. A receipt for pump 2.”
“Yes I know. You want?”
“What?”
“You want what?”
“A receipt for pump 2.”
“Yes, I have it here.”
He gives me the receipt.
“This is what you want?”
“Yes.”
“I know.”
“…”
“You must forgive me I am just learning.”
“Okay.”
“You have to tell me things twice.”
I just walked away at that point. I was having trouble understanding why he still wanted me to tell him things twice when he clearly understood everything I asked him for, considering when I asked for a receipt he started printing one, and when he asked me if that’s what I wanted the first time, I told him it was.
*Kmart rented a bunch of Irish movies from Blockbuster for St. Patty’s Day, but we didn’t get around to watching the ones we had, so we’re watching all of them now, and I can’t help but throw on a hideous Irish accent and Tourrettically belt out things like, “Whiskey!” or “Potatoes!”**
**Pronounced “WEES-key” and “puh-TAY-tas”
